Torn Between Two Lovers
by Reparata
Summary: BLAME IT ON JISLANE! It was her idea! Sheldon has loved Penny for 5 years but Leonard saw her first. Penny discovers her true feelings for Sheldon but he is honor-bound to help Priya . Engagements, assaults, breakups, explosions, Raj finally talks, Lenny whines and Howard schtupps around as usual. Oh, and Winkle gets pwned by Sheldon - finally! Sheldon/Priya/Penny.
1. Chapter 1

Blame Jislane for this. It's all her fault. She put the idea in my head and it wouldn't go away.

HOWEVER: Someone has returned and I have a lot of things to catch up on and I don't plan on getting a lot of writing done. Other things to do at night…

Yes, I know I have to finish "Only Once" and it is, just waiting for feedback from my unofficial Beta

Reparata

* * *

Torn Between Two Lovers

Chapter 1

She paced back and forth in front of her corner office windows, hardly noticing the panoramic view of Los Angeles that they afforded her.

Her perfect life, ruined. Her hopes and dreams all realized and now…in ashes. How dare they! How dare they threaten her with…an arranged marriage! It was medieval, an archaic tradition and one which, as a modern woman, she found both insulting and demeaning. She was not chattel.

Last evening, she and Rajeesh had Skyped with her parents in Delhi and after the usual chit-chat and information exchanges, her Mummy asked Rajeesh to 'excuse' himself because she wanted to have a mother-daughter talk with Priya.

"_Priya, you are not getting any younger and since Rajeesh has no prospects on his horizon, his head in outer space, your Daddy and I have made an arrangement that will ensure us grandchildren to keep us company in our later years. You know, Priya, Dr. Rinji Rangikara has always expressed a very wholesome interest in you for years and so – "_

"_No! You didn't! You couldn't have – "_

"_Priya! Is that what they taught you at Cambridge – to interrupt your Mummy when she has awesomely great news? We have arranged a marriage for you to Dr. Rangikara and we require that you return at once to Delhi and – "_

"_But Mummy, I am already engaged. I was going to tell you later when I asked Rajeesh to give us some private time. We are going to select my engagement ring in the morning! I am so happy, Mummy!"_

"_What? Who is he? What does he do? Is he wealthy? Is he Indian or Jewish? I thought – oh, Priya, no! Not that little man with the bad eyes? No. No. No. Your children will be myopic little dwarves and what kind – "_

"_No, Mummy. You are thinking of Leonard who is already engaged to a waitress and Howard, the Jewish man who I told you earlier was not my type because I'm not inflatable – "_

"_Priya! Such language!"_

"…_and is already married to a waitress/microbiologist. No, Mummy. I am engaged to…_

In retrospect, she knew that she'd panicked. She, an experienced barrister, an international trade lawyer, a devastatingly ruthless negotiator, a unflappably calm, cool and collected mediator, had momentarily lost her mind and blurted out the name of the only man in the entire Universe that she found absolutely barren of any redeeming qualities…

"…_Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper!"_

And now she had to sweet talk the androgynous annoyance into saving her from a fate worse than death, all the while deceiving her parents (something she did with astounding regularity) and convince him to participate in what she had come to call 'The Great Deception'.

Her brother's reaction had been…forceful for Rajeesh, very uncharacteristically bold and pointed.

'_Priya, have you lost your MIND? Sheldon Cooper detests the air you breathe and makes an effort to avoid you like a…a…a dirty sock! He will not do this, I tell you. He is a man of some degree of honor and he cannot lie, Priya. His face contorts and twitches and he perspires – "_

"_Rajesh, I have only to halt this arranged marriage from Mummy and Daddy's choice for a month or two at the most. Dr. Ranjikara will lose interest and seek a bride elsewhere, perhaps in the countryside where some unsuspecting but available female with poor eyesight and poorer prospects will favor him with her hand."_

"_RINJI Ranjikara? Oh, Priya, this will not work. He and Sheldon were colleagues on a research project and each has great respect for the other despite the differences in their ages. NO, this will not work and you will end up hurting two men who are both unlikely to ever marry without outside assistance. Besides, what could you possibly offer Sheldon to get him to agree to such a deception? He respects Mummy and Daddy and our ways. No, he will not do it."_

"_I will appeal the angels of his better nature. I'm sure that once I explain my situation he will be willing to help me. After all, Rajeesh, his is your friend and I'm sure he doesn't wish to disappoint you."_

"_The only person Sheldon Cooper worries about disappointing is his mother or his beloved grandmother, Meemaw. Sorry, Priya, but I shall dance and drink and flirt at your wedding in Delhi and then toast your union with your new husband wishing you both many, many children."_

She felt trapped, and like a tiger in a cage, she paced the confines of her office, ignoring her tasks and indulging in a bit of personal introspection.

'_I have much to offer Dr. Cooper in exchange for his cooperation. He must be lonely living in that big apartment now that Leonard has moved across the hall so that he can access his fiancée without being constantly bombarded with requests to 'have quieter coitus, Leonard'. _

She grabbed up her legal pad and started listing the advantages she would use to persuade him to cooperate.

First, she would offer to move into the Leonard's old bedroom and split the rent and utilities. The additional advantage was that he would be able to actually tell her Mummy and Daddy that they were living together without lying.

Second, she firmly believed that someone like Dr. Ranjikari would not want a woman fresh from another man's bed, at least that was the impression she wished to allude to in any conversations with her parents. If she could convince them of her status, time would take care of the rest.

Third, she knew that Sheldon loved Indian food. She would cook for him on occasion and introduce him to Indian culture. That would be a benefit associated with the first but she was going for quantity.

She had two telephone numbers that would provide the fourth and fifth advantages. Sheldon Cooper would cooperate or face the disapproval of his _Maata _and_ Daadii*. _

She set her plan in place. Leonard, Howard and Raj and their significant others, less Raj's, of course, were all going out to a movie that Sheldon detested so he would be alone, vulnerable, unsupported by his friends, a goat tied out to attract the tiger…and she was the tiger and would have her prey.

_***Maata – mother; Daadii – paternal grandmother.**_

* * *

He sat in his spot and switched on the TV and began watching his favorite episode of Doctor Who for the 29th time. Certainly, he could close his eyes and recapture every second of the program from his own memory but he preferred it this way.

The gentle knocking at the door perturbed him to no end and he mashed the STOP button on his DVD player just as the Doctor was about to announce the impending destruction of the known Universe.

"Priya?" His surprise at seeing Raj's sister was fleeting as his suspicious nature asserted itself.

"Hello, Dr. Cooper. May I please come in?"

"Why? I am alone and the others are at a movie. Therefore, I see no reason for your appearance at my door…or in my life for that matter."

'_This may be a bit more difficult than I expected. He is already on guard, damn it! Think, Priya, think!'_

"Sheldon, I do not wish to discuss my reason for seeking you out in the hallway of an apartment building. I – "

"And I do not wish to discuss anything at all with you and since we are at an impasse…goodbye." He started to close the door but Priya was ready for it and hopped into the apartment, brushing by him and then walking to the couch and sitting in _his_ spot.

"I thought vampires couldn't enter a dwelling without an invitation but I can see I was misinformed again by the false truths of popular culture. And you're in my spot, Ms. Koothrappali."

Being a trained negotiator, she saw the advantage of appearing acquiescent and so she moved to a chair, muttering, "Sorry, Sheldon. I forgot about your 'spot'."

"Not surprising, all things considered. Why are you here?"

"I desperately need your help, Sheldon. You're my only hope!" A little Star Wars references never hurt.

He immediately saw the parallels and sat down in his spot and turned off the TV.

"You have my undivided attention. Pray, continue." She wanted nothing more than to wipe that smug look off his face. _'The man's arrogance will be his undoing one day.'_

"Sheldon, how do you feel about slavery?"

She had his attention. He sat up straighter and his face took on a more thoughtful countenance tinged with sadness or regret, she couldn't tell.

"It was and is a horrible institution. To bar an individual from being free to determine their own course, their own destiny, to _own_ another human being…is despicable and an abomination in the eyes of all decent people."

"Sheldon, I am about to be sent into slavery and – "

He jumped to his feet and crossed the distance between them and grasped both her hands in his and stared into her chocolate-colored eyes. "Have you not sought help from the authorities, Priya? Slavery is illegal in the United States as well as India. Who dares to – "

"Perhaps 'slavery' was too strong a word but it is how I interpret what has been done to me without my knowledge or consent. I am not, as you so eloquently stated, 'free to determine' my own course. Not if my parents have their way. Sheldon, please, you must help me…"

Sheldon almost threw her hands from his. The onslaught of emotions of fear and anguish were almost too much to bear. Indeed, she felt what she was saying was true.

"Doctor and Mrs. Koothrappali would never consent to such an act! Surely you are mistaken. They are good and decent people who want only the best for their children."

"My mother has made the arrangements through an intermediary. The man is old, Sheldon, and I met him only once as a child…please help me, Sheldon, you are _truly_ my only hope."

"What can I do, Priya? I don't understand why you've come to me with your problem." Now that he knew it was a family matter and that she wasn't really going to be sold into 'servitude', his interest waned, despite the intensity of her emotional state.

"Because of all the men I've ever met, Sheldon Lee Cooper is by far the most intelligent and…and…compassionate." Butter him up, get his agreement and get the hell out of there – that was her plan and it almost worked.

His eyes narrowed. 'Compassionate' was not a word likely to appear in any definition or description of Sheldon Cooper and he knew it. Not even his own family would ever use the term 'compassionate' and 'Sheldon' in the same sentence.

"The lawyer in you has just made its appearance. 'Compassionate'? Me? What is it you really want and why me?"

"Because – because I am in a corner and I cannot escape without your help. Damn it! This isn't going as planned. Sheldon, in order to thwart my Mummy's plans I've told them that I am engaged already."

"And I still do not see where this involves me in any way, Priya, and since I don't, I'd like to return to my evening's planned entertainment and you can go prowl the alleys for someone else to - "

"I told them I was engaged to _you!"_


	2. Chapter 2

**I knew writing this was a mistake.**

* * *

Torn Between Two Lovers  
Chapter 2

His eyes glazed over. His lips moved but no sound was heard and his body seemed rigid and Priya was concerned that she'd soon have to explain to the paramedics how Sheldon Cooper had died of an aneurysm while she sat, helpless, and watched.

He shook himself and the light returned to his eyes and he fixed her with a glare.

"You told your parents that you and I are engaged to be married? Your _parents_? Don't they think it a bit strange that you never mentioned that we were courting?"

'_Courting? Who in this century uses the word 'courting' when describing the common 21st century dating rituals? Almost half of all couples meet on-line.'_

"They know that I am the 'black sheep' of the family, the 'wild child' who should be married and have a child or two by now, but my daddy has always understood that I desired to make a name and place for myself in the world before entertaining marriage but my mummy is…traditional and has resorted to using an intermediary to handle the engagement."

"Yes, Raj has enumerated many instances when your father allowed you to do things that your brother would never be permitted to do even though he is your senior."

"So, Sheldon Cooper, will you help me avoid losing my liberty and dreams to an archaic tradition?"

"I see several problems, the least of which is that there is no 'back story' to our relationship. Also, there is the question of your eyesight."

"My eyesight? What is wrong with my eyesight? I have perfect 20-20 vision, Sheldon!" She was standing in front of him, hands on hips and looking up at him and the look on her face…

"Permit me to demonstrate using a visual aid. Please follow me." He walked back to Leonard's old room and gestured that she should enter. The room was empty save for a full- length mirror on the back of the door that was normally covered by Leonard's collection of hoodies.

"Please stand beside me but please don't touch me, Priya, and look at our reflections in the mirror and tell me this: who would possibly believe that someone like you and someone like me would ever become involved, let alone engaged. I'm curious about your response."

She saw a tall, thin man standing beside a rather good-looking woman who was considerably shorter than he was. He was dressed in a ragged collection of mismatched t-shirts and wearing a pair of brown and white plaid pants. His sneakers were old and comfortable looking. His hair was cut without regard to the latest fashion but the look on his face was…sad.

The woman in the mirror was wearing designer jeans and a knit top that clung to her breasts. The neckline allowed a display of a delightful amount of cleavage that drew the eyes. Her makeup was perfect and her eyes, admittedly her best feature, were dusted with eye shadow that made them seem enormous but still perfectly suited to her face. Her raven hair was loose and trailed down over her shoulders as well as down to the middle of her back. In short, she looked hot.

"I – I don't understand why – " but she understood exactly what Sheldon Cooper was trying to get her to say. 'Beauty and the Beast' came to mind but she didn't say anything. She felt a wave of pity pass over her. No one would ever believe that they were a couple unless…

"This makes no difference to me. Do you own a suit, Sheldon?"

"Yes, a plaid one and a – " She cut him off.

"Go put on the other one with a dress shirt and a tie. And change from those sneakers to dress shoes and then meet me in the living room."

"I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. I have no intentions of complying with your request but I do think it is time for you to leave. In fact, it's past time. You've taken up – "

Her ringing cell phone interrupted him and she held up a hand to stop his rant. Saved by the bell.

"Hello?" She listened to the caller for a few seconds and then handed Sheldon her phone. "It's for you."

"Me?" He looked at her like she'd lost her mind entirely. She just gestured to her phone.

"This is Dr. Sheldon Coo – " He glared at Priya who busied herself looking smug.

"But Mom…" Priya could hear Sheldon's mother on the other end of the conversation telling him exactly what he was going to do.

"But Mom, you don't understand…no, I'm not insinuating that you're stupid, Mom. I would never do that."

Another pause. "Well, if Jesus would do it, tell him to come to Pasadena and deceive Priya's parents. I cannot do it. I love you, Mom. Goodbye."

He handed her back her cell phone and stormed out of Leonard's old room leaving her somewhat in awe of his handling of his mother. _'If only I had shown such resolve in the face of my mother I wouldn't be in this mess!'_

She followed him out into the living room and sat down in a chair across from him. His face was red and she could tell that he was barely controlling his temper. She knew about his temper from her brother and – her cell phone rang again and when she saw the number in caller ID she tried hard not to smile.

"Sheldon, I believe this call is for you." She tossed him her cell and almost laughed at the look on his face when he saw the number in caller ID.

"This is Shel – '

"Meemaw, I can't do it. I'm sorry but – "

"You taught me to never lie or cheat or steal and – "

"Don't you dare bring that into this conversation. The situation is in no way similar."

"I'm sorry I yelled, Meemaw. No, I don't want to disappoint you but I don't want to deceive the Koothrappali family either."

"Fine. I'll do it. No, I don't think I'll be able to make it down there for Thanksgiving or Christmas."

He disconnected the call and glared at Priya. When he spoke, his voice was cold.

"Fine. I'll do it. Let me know when and where I'll have to be in your presence and I'll reschedule my life around your needs. Be warned, if this blows up in your face, Ms. Koothrappali, it will be on your head, not mine."

"Sheldon, I – " She wanted to thank him and go over the action steps she'd formulated but wisely decided that this was not the time.

"Just go, Ms. Koothrappali. Hold off doing your victory dance until you're out of the building. There are people here who have a morbid fear of earthquakes."

"Are you saying I'm fat, Sheldon?" She was very particular about her appearance and wondered if he really thought she was fat.

He walked over to the refrigerator and drank down a bottle of water and then returned to his spot, seemingly surprised that she hadn't disappeared in a puff of fire and brimstone.

"You're _still_ here? Some people bring happiness _wherever_ they go; you bring happiness _whenever_ you go. Make me happy."

"I will try to make this all as painless as possible and minimize disruption of your daily schedule whenever possible. Good night, Sheldon."

She cast one last look at the man seated in 'his' spot and sighed.

She felt guilty. She had manipulated him into helping her by using his family against him.

'_I'll get over it. I can live with what I've done. Anything is better than being engaged to an old man I don't even know. I will only marry for love. This is the 21st century and I am a modern Indian woman.'_

She walked out into the common area between 4a and 4b and ran right into Leonard and the others of his movie-going party. Apparently the line at the movie was too long and their attention span (or most likely the girls' attention span and aching feet) too short and so they'd come back to Leonard and Penny's apartment, the newly designated social gathering spot.

"Priya, how nice to see you." Leonard squinted at her, suddenly ill at ease around the woman who had cheated on him while she was in India. He was with Penny now but the sting of her actions still – stung.

"Yes, good evening to all of you. Rajesh, if I might have a moment of your time, please. I need to bring you up to date and ask a few background questions."

"Um, you were just at Sheldon's? That's different." Leonard was curious about why his ex-girlfriend was visiting his ex-roommate. When Leonard had announced the dissolution of the Roommate Agreement and that he and Penny were engaged and going to live together in her apartment, Sheldon had not taken it well at all.

They had not spoken more than the required few words necessary to make arrangements for driving to work or a few socially required pleasantries at work. Sheldon no longer ate lunch with Leonard or his friends.

He totally excised Penny and all the others from his life and made no bones about his position on the one and only time Penny and Leonard had invited him over for dinner. Penny seemed much more affected by Sheldon's actions than did Leonard.

Priya ignored Leonard and glanced at her brother and gestured towards the stairs since the elevator was still not repaired.

'_At least living here will tone my thighs and calves as well as provide a nice cardio work out.'_

Priya and her brother stood in the ground floor lobby of the apartment building arguing loudly, attracting the attention of passersby and the tenants, specifically those on the 4th floor.

"Priya, I cannot believe you called his mother _and _his grandmother to force him to support your deception. I told you he was a man of honor and yet you still went to his family for aid. I am ashamed of you. I am ashamed to call you _bahana_".*

_***Behana – younger sister or sister.**_

"He told his mother 'no', Rajesh, and he was quite adamant and forceful. If I had handled Mummy in the same manner I wouldn't be standing here loudly discussing our personal business in a public place."

"So he didn't agree? Good for you, Sheldon!" He pumped a fist into the air.

"No. But his grandmother brought up something and he caved, although not as gracefully as I had anticipated. He did bring one thing up that I fear may be more of a challenge than I am ready to handle."

"What 'something'? Oh, Shiva, Priya, if Sheldon's grandmother brought up 'that' to break him, I must reevaluate my image of her as a sweet little old lady. Priya, do not ever, not even in anger, bring that up again. If you do so, on your head be it. This deception has already brought him pain and I fear I will lose his friendship and support at CalTech. I owe him and he will see this as just another in a long string of betrayals."

"Well, he has agreed to help me. Please make yourself available on Saturday to help me move in. You should plan on coming to dinner Saturday evening. I am showing him how well I do in the kitchen and you know how he loves Indian food."

"It will take more than your cooking to gain his enthusiasm for this project of yours. I do not know how you plan to show our parents a 'happy' Sheldon. You know he is world-famous for his sulks and pouts. As he once told me…_'Beware of the Bazinga!' _

"I have handled CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, brother. I think a theoretical particle physicist will be child's play."

"Well, Priya, I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong."


	3. Chapter 3

**Damn Jislane. I knew I shouldn't have written this!**

**Future chapters will be shorter, I promise.**

* * *

Chapter 3

Apt 4B

"Leonard, answer the question. It's simple. Do you still have 'feelings' for Priya?"

"Penny! How can you ask such a thing?"

"Leonard, why won't you answer?" Her voice rose a bit, a clear sign she was about to punch him in the throat, hard.

Leonard sat down on the couch and crossed his arms and legs, a clear body language signal to Penny that he did not wish to talk but Penny was not deterred in the least. She'd long held suspicions that Leonard's sudden interest in rekindling their on-again-off-again romance was motivated by his breakup with Priya and now she was afraid she had proof.

"Get out, Leonard. Get out of my apartment and my life. Maybe if you crawl on your knees to her she'll take you back. It's so obvious that I'll bet even _Sheldon_ sees it. Well, _this_ girl," pointing to herself, "is no one's consolation prize, Leonard Hofstadter."

"Pennyyyyyyy," Leonard whined. "You're not my second choice, honest." He'd dug a hole and jumped in and he didn't even know it.

"You used me to try and make her jealous and when it didn't work, you pushed me into an engagement, hoping that would. Was that the reason? At least answer one question, Leonard."

"What's that?" He grabbed the shovel and began filling in the hole he was in, slowly but surely.

"Do you still have feelings for Priya Koothrappali?"

His hesitation was his downfall so far as Penny was concerned and his answer, such as it was, was weak and unconvincing.

"Nooo, Penny. How could you even ask? We're engaged to be married," he answered with that particular sing-song whiney tone that Penny despised. He only whined when he wanted something and she suspected it was for her to drop the subject.

"Since you won't leave, I will. We will discuss this in the morning and I suggest you have your ducks in order, Leonard Hofstadter, or have arranged suitable accommodations elsewhere."

She stormed into the bedroom and grabbed her blanket and pillow, clean panties and sleepwear and left. Her journey was short.

"KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, Sheldon, I need help, Sheldon!"

Sheldon sat in his spot fuming and wishing he'd been more careful in giving out his family's telephone numbers in Texas. In his current mood, an upset Penny was the last person he felt he could deal with.

"KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, Sheldon! I know you're in there!"

"No, Penny. You're mistaken. There's no one home this evening," he replied thinking that it worked for Obi-Wan on Tatooine.

"KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, please Shelly, I don't want to sleep in the hallway. It's creepy and the floor is filthy and I'll probably catch some skin disease and then be horribly disfigured for life…"

He opened the door and looked at her and knew immediately that he was going to have an overnight guest. First he had to deal with that conniving Indian woman and now the one woman he had feelings for was probably going to go into emotional overdrive.

"Come in. Have you showered?"

"No, Sheldon, I got mad at Leonard over Priya and I left him…"

"Then take a shower while I make up the couch. You already know where the towels are. There is a new toothbrush in the medicine cabinet, your brand of shampoo and conditioner and tampons are in the left-hand drawer under the sink, and since you're visibly trembling, I'll have a cup of hot tea waiting for you."

"Sheldon, will you sing 'Soft Kitty' to me so I can sleep?" Why couldn't Leonard care about her the way her best friend did? Shouldn't Leonard be her best friend?

"You're not ill, Penelope, simply discouraged that you've once again selected as a potential mate someone who is grossly inferior and fails to measure up to your standards of deportment vis a vis a 'relationship'." He put air quotes around 'relationship' with his fingers.

"Thanks, sweetie. You're the best!" She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, almost giggling at his reaction. He turned bright red and wiped his cheek with a tissue he just happened to have in his pocket.

* * *

She was surprised and touched by how well he knew her and her needs. She removed the travel-sized bottles of her favorite shampoo and conditioner and stared at the box of tampons. _'I don't think I want to know how he knows my brand. I'm just thankful that someone seems to care enough about me to think that far ahead.'_

While Penny was in the shower, Leonard used his spare key to enter his old apartment. He needed to explain his situation with Priya and he knew he'd screwed up by not telling Penny the truth from the beginning. Yes, he had lingering feelings for Priya but no, he hadn't used Penny as a consolation prize. He didn't use her to try to get back at Priya by making her jealous. _'At least not consciously.'_

It sounded hollow even to him and so he figured he'd just wing it and try and sweet talk her back to their apartment. He knew that Penny didn't hold grudges and he figured, given her attention span and her need to have a man in her life, he'd take her shopping in the morning and get back on her good side.

Sheldon walked into the living room carrying sheets, a pillow and pillowcase and a blanket. He knew Penny was cold natured and used a blanket even in the summer provided she'd paid her electric bill and had air conditioning.

"Is that Penny in the shower, Sheldon?"

"No, it's the cast from Glee and we were about to do a rousing rendition of 'Singing in the Rain'. Of course it's Penny, you cretin. No doubt she's sobbing her poor heart out since once again you've stepped on your dick – figuratively, of course, since given the length, it's highly unlikely that would ever happen."

"Leave my – never mind. Can I talk with her, please?"

"She's in the shower, Leonard, and although you've seen her in all her glory, I doubt she wishes to see you right now in any manifestation. In other words, no."

"Look, I really need to talk with her. I'll just wait until she's done. Is that tea brewing?"

"Yes, Leonard. When Penny is upset, she finds a hot beverage to be soothing and calming."

"You seem to know an awful lot about my girlfriend, Sheldon."

Sheldon glared at him balefully but Leonard was correct. He did know an awful lot about Penny. He knew as much as he could garner from observation and data recording.

Penny had finished her quick shower and was now eavesdropping in the hallway.

"If you took the time to note the little things, she might not be so inclined to believe that she's your, as they say, 'rebound girl'. As it is, I think you'd best wait until tomorrow to speak with her. Oh, and leave your key in the bowl when you leave. You no longer have privileges, Leonard."

"See, that's just it, Sheldon. Penny is jealous of Priya and gets upset so easily when she sees her. She thinks I still have feelings for her."

"And you don't? Really, Leonard, you should go someplace and just sit and think and take stock of your emotional ties to both Priya and Penny. If you still harbor feelings for Priya, then tell Penny and quit stringing her along. No marriage built on 'like' can survive. And besides, she's a wonderful girl and you should be damned grateful she's overlooked so much in the past."

"And if I still have those unresolved feelings for Priya?"

"I suggest you get over them or one day you'll wake up and realize just how amazing a woman Penny is but by that time _she_ will be waking up with a man who always knew."

Penny slipped back into the bathroom and pretended to dry her hair. She couldn't believe what she'd just heard. Sheldon had real feelings; he must have, since he'd spoken so eloquently about her to Leonard.

'_I wonder if my Whack-a-doodle boy might have feelings for me? I mean, not that I care or anything, he's just my best friend, and I don't think of him that way – not really. He sure ripped Leonard a new asshole!'_

She made a great deal of noise and Sheldon fixed Leonard with a glare.

"I think you'd better leave, Leonard. She's upset enough and I don't think either of you will benefit from another confrontation."

"Tell – tell her I'll see her in the morning and that we'll take some time and just go to the mall and window shop and talk."

"Fine. Bribe her with things when all she wants is confirmation of your feelings. Really, Leonard, even I, Homo Novus, can see right through that move."

He quickly made the couch up into a bed and when Penny heard Leonard leave, she came out and sat down at the kitchen island and sipped at her tea.

"Thanks, sweetie. Was that Leonard's voice I heard?"

"Yes. He wants to take you to the mall tomorrow and window shop and 'talk'."

"Sheldon, do you think Leonard still has feelings for Priya, even though she cheated on him with her old boyfriend in India?"

"Penny, I think that's a question for Leonard to answer. My new roommate will be arriving after nine tomorrow so I'd best get to sleep."

"A new roommate? Really? What's he like?"

"She. What's _she_ like."

"That's what I asked you, Moon Pie."

"Penny, don't call me Moon Pie. Good night. You know where everything is. Feel free to watch TV or snack or whatever."

"Sheldon! You didn't answer my question!"

His bedroom door clicked shut and she heard his laughter through the door.

'_A woman? Sheldon doesn't know many women…Winkle? No, not in a million years! Amy? Nope, she's gone, out of the country. One of his grad students? Sheldon's such a stickler for propriety that he'd never, ever, have a grad student living in his apartment. I'll find out tomorrow, I guess.'_

She found that she couldn't sleep thinking about Sheldon's new roommate and finally she remembered something that Sheldon himself advised her to do when Leonard wanted to try again. Sheldon labeled 'Penny and Leonard Beta Test' a failure' even before they'd gotten together.

"KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK Sheldon! I'm coming in so cover up whatever you don't want me to see!" She flung open the door and started to smile, then giggle and finally laugh outright. Sheldon was sitting up in his bed with the covers pulled up to his chin, a scandalized look on his face.

"Penny, you are pushing the envelope on my patience. No one is allowed in my room. Please leave and turn out the light on your way out. There's the lamb."

"Who is she? It's driving me crazy, Sheldon. It isn't Winkle, is it?"

"No. Penny, no one is allowed in my room. Please leave." She looked so magnificent, standing in his doorway, hands on her hips and looking so determined.

"Not a grad student, Sheldon. You have more sense and decency than to prey on some poor – "

"Penny, no, it's not some grad student. I'm helping someone out with a personal problem – against my will and my better judgment, I might add."

"Sheldon, no one can make you do something you don't want to do. I've tried for 5 years to get you to do some things and you always bow up and refuse. What's different about this time?"

"Meemaw made me agree and so I have no choice."

"Oh, okay. I'll see you in the morning." She figured it was probably the daughter of someone Meemaw knew from back home. That changed everything.

She fell asleep dreaming of her wedding. Leonard was smiling broadly and wearing formal wear and stood beside Sheldon who was also similarly attired but didn't look nearly as pleased with things as Leonard. When the minister asked 'who gives this woman in matrimony', her dad offered her hand to –

She jerked awake so suddenly that she rolled off the couch and banged her elbow on the corner of the glass-topped coffee table. The sharp corner cut through the skin immediately above the joint and she cried out in pain.

"Sheldon, I'm hurt!"


	4. Chapter 4

Shorter chapters because I got my roommate back!

Be glad you're getting anything at all. It has been a long dry spell...lol

* * *

Chapter 4a

Sheldon heard Penny's cry of pain and then her 'Sheldon, I'm hurt' and forced himself to wake up and when he was sure he hadn't dreamt it, rolled out of bed and was kneeling beside her in less than 10 seconds.

"Penny, you fell off the couch! Were you dreaming? Where are you hurt?"

"I guess. I cut my elbow on the coffee table corner and I think I got blood all over your carpet. I'm sorry. Help me up and I'll clean it up. I just need to see how badly I'm hurt."

He pulled her up by her uninjured arm and shuddered at the torrent of emotion that rushed through him. "Penny, sit down and let me fetch the first aid kit from the bathroom."

He reappeared quickly and then examined her upper arm. "Penny, get dressed. We need to go to the ER. This will need several stitches."

She couldn't go to the ER. It cost a fortune and she had no insurance. "No. Just put some butterflies on it and – "

"Penny, I'll handle the bill. I know you don't have insurance with that crap job you have. Don't worry about it. I just got paid. Get dressed and let's – "

"I can't. My clothes are in my apartment and Leonard's there and I don't want him to see me like this. Could you please…just jeans, a t-shirt and my sandals."

"Of course. Hold this sterile pad over the gash while I fetch appropriate clothing and a hairbrush. You have near terminal bed-head, Penny, and I know you'll feel better if you look better, right?"

He grabbed her apartment key from the bowl and returned in a few minutes with clothes for her to wear – and a hairbrush.

* * *

Penny drove to the ER. Sheldon had insisted on wrapping a clean sterile pad with a gauze bandage to hold it in place.

"I don't want you killing us in a head-on collision because you're distracted trying to keep blood from your clothing."

'_Jesus, where has this 'take charge' Sheldon been hiding. He anticipated everything I needed before I even thought about them.'_

Ninety minutes and 6 stitches later, they were sitting at the breakfast table drinking coffee (Penny) and tea (Sheldon, Earl Gray with a dollop of honey).

"I'll pay you back, Sheldon, I promise."

"Nonsense. You hurt yourself in my apartment on a piece of my furniture. I'm responsible so I paid. You owe me nothing, Penny. I just hope the scar won't deter you from finding acting roles. I know how picky those casting people can be."

She yawned and stumbled over to the couch. Sheldon soaked the bloodstained carpet with Resolve and then patted it dry while she tried to get comfortable.

"Still hurt?"

"No, not really. Thanks for taking such good care of me, Moon Pie." She was almost asleep when she felt the back of his hand lightly caress her cheek and then move several strands of hair from her face. She felt a burst of affection for him and then his hand was gone. He practically ran for his room.

"Good night, Sheldon," she said, the pain medication easing her into sleep. '_I should have blown Leonard off and snatched up Sheldon that first time we talked. My life would have been so different. He's my loyal Whack-a-doodle man and I love him so much for being just who he is.'_

She giggled at her thoughts. _'These pills are greaaaat.'_

* * *

Apartment 4A  
9am Saturday

Penny was still asleep when Priya and Rajesh knocked at the door. Priya hadn't thought to ask Sheldon for a key when they last spoke and now she had to stand in the hall like some door-to-door salesperson and wait until he hauled himself out of bed.

She was surprised when the door flew open and Sheldon stepped out, fully dressed, closing the door gently behind him.

"Please keep your voices down. Penny was injured last evening and is sleeping on my couch. The pain medication really took hold of her. Ms. Koothrappali, is all this _yours_?" There were four suitcases, several garment bags and Bankers' boxes labeled 'shoes' scattered around the common area.

"Sheldon, I will help you carry these into her room and then go back for another load. Shiva! This woman has more clothes than a small country!"

"Hush, Rajesh. Sheldon and I will take care of this load. Hurry back with the second and then I'll need to ensure that I haven't overlooked anything." She turned to Sheldon with a gentle smile, not wanting to further stress him out. "Why is she not sleeping in her own apartment? Where is Leonard? Shouldn't he be the one looking after her?"

"They had an argument and since Leonard wouldn't leave, she came here for the night. She fell off the couch after a bad dream and gashed her upper arm. I determined that she needed stitches and we went to the ER for treatment. I had made up a bed on the couch and she is currently sleeping. I imagine that she will run from here in horror once she sees who my new roommate is."

Priya grabbed two suitcases and Sheldon glared at her in warning and then opened the door. Penny was sleeping only in a black mesh bra since her bloody t-shirt was currently soaking in the bathroom sink and the blanket had slipped down around her waist. Priya noted the large gauze wrap and said nothing, just quietly tiptoed into her room and then went out to help Sheldon with the rest of her luggage.

Sheldon was only human and his glances at Penny's nearly nude breasts were longer and longer.

'_I am Homo Novis. Breasts are breasts no matter to whom they belong nor how delightfully packaged they may be.'_

On the way back to the common area, he stopped and covered her and Priya, who was right behind him thought, '_Always the gentleman…they are rare and getting rarer, a dying breed indeed. An Indian man in a similar situation would have stopped and taken his time perusing the merchandise.'_

It took three trips from Rajesh's apartment to Sheldon's before everything had been relocated. She was having a bed set delivered later in the morning since Rajesh's spare room was frequently in use by friends from back home or relatives on trips or business and he wished to retain his bed.

Penny had awakened during one of their expeditions to Raj's to an empty apartment and hastily ran across the hall to her own place and dressed. She had to be at work in an hour but she only had to work until six.

She added the pillowcase, sheets and blanket to her laundry basket and hoped that Sheldon's new roommate wouldn't disrupt his schedule too badly and that they could talk while doing their laundry. Saturday at 8:15pm used to be designated as 'Laundry Night' unless _Penny _had a date but she hadn't had 'Laundry Night' with Sheldon since Leonard announced their engagement and moved across the hall.

'_Maybe now we can talk about things and maybe we can…who am I kidding? Sheldon and me? He's too damned smart to love a stupid wannabe actress whose idea of a relationship is a one night stand. No, he's sweet and should find someone who will appreciate him and bring more to a relationship than I can.'_


	5. Chapter 5

I should never have written this. It was Jislane's idea. Last time I let a reader infest my mind with plot bunnies.

it's short but I only write when he's sleeping. Poor baby. Tired him out I did. lol

Reparata

* * *

Chapter 4b

Priya still looked amazingly untouched by all the walking and unpacking. If Sheldon hadn't been there he would have thought she had sat by and watched but she hadn't.

"Sheldon, Raj, in appreciation for all of your hard labor, I propose that you two gentlemen go do whatever you do on a Saturday afternoon and return in time to clean up before dinner. I am cooking. You are eating. It is the least I can do for helping me move."

You could hear the air rush into the spot formerly occupied by Rajesh. He had learned early on that when his baby sister set her mind to something it was best to get out of the way.

Sheldon was still sitting in his spot when Priya finally finished setting up her room just the way she wanted it. The furniture men had set up the bed and she had put on new sheets and pillows and added a comforter and soon it was finished.

Priya threw her hair up into a ponytail and went into the kitchen and started checking out the larder and pantry and made a quick list of things she'd need for their inaugural meal. Sheldon didn't understand Indian culture but embarking on a new facet of life required a ceremony of sorts as well as a feast.

Rajesh had understood her insistence and disappeared and would not be back until the appointed hour and would bring small packets of rice, salt, various spices and the obligatory small figurine of the Hindu goddess of the home, Mata Lakshmi, the female partner of Lord Vishnu.

She felt that it was important to their harmony that Sheldon understood the importance of her religion in her life. Raj had already told her that Sheldon was not anti-religion but just a man without any spiritual ties. She understood that. After all, he was a man of Science as was her brother and dealt in tangible things and anything that smacked of 'faith' instead of something finite or tangible was not for him, but he never found fault with those who were of 'faith' except for his mother.

"Sheldon, I am going out and do some shopping. Is there anything you require?"

"No, thank you, Ms. Koothrappali. Do you need money? It isn't proper that we don't share in the cost of the meal."

He wasn't going to allow his anger at his mother and grandmother to transfer to Raj's sister, no matter how distasteful he found her company before all this transpired. It just wasn't right.

"I suppose since you insist on referring to me so formally that I should address you as 'Dr. Cooper'. Is that what you prefer?"

"Is that how the parties engaged to be married refer to themselves in India? Are there social restrictions and formalities to be observed? You'll have to provide me with additional information if we are going to 'sell' this to your parents. Are they conservative Hindus or…"

"We may use our first names or our 'pet' names in front of family but perhaps it would be best if you called me 'Priya' and I called you 'Sheldon' until we become less like adversaries and more relaxed around one another."

"That is very logical, Priya. Pet names?"

"Oh, _Jaan, _which means_ 'sweetheart' _or _'darling'. _I would refer to you as _Sheldon jaan, _and you would use _Priya jaanam_ when addressing me so."

A moment's pause that would affect three people and then, "Sheldon, would you like to accompany me? I want to ensure that my selection of vegetables and fruits meets with your approval." She knew from Rajesh that he was fastidious about his food.

"Yes, I think I will. Let me change and I'll be right with you." He was not going to let her pay for everything. He found a pair of jeans his sister had sent him for Christmas years ago that he'd never worn and a button-up shirt that his mother had sent him in the same box and quickly got dressed.

"Ready, Priya?" She turned to answer him but her mouth dropped open. Gone were the layered superhero t-shirts and the plaid pants that made her ill to look at and instead she saw a tall man wearing jeans and a normal shirt and a pair of well-worn cowboy boots that came to needle points.

"Sheldon?" His name came out as a question and he smirked at her. So much for the unflappable Priya Koothrappali. She was definitely flapped.

"You look like you have a question, Priya, but yes, I am Sheldon Cooper and I felt it would be best for your image as a lawyer if I tried to look more like one of the Great Unwashed as opposed to one who is comfortably dressed as I prefer. A small step for one man…sorry, Neil."

A/N: Short transitional chapter


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 5

Sheldon had expected their shopping to be at Safeway or one of the other chains but he was surprised when Priya drove her BMW into a part of town he'd never really been in. After all, almost everything he needed in life could be found within a few miles of his apartment.

It was a small grocery and the shelves were stocked with cans and bottles and jugs all in languages and alphabets Sheldon couldn't begin to make sense of.

"Sheldon, this is where I will pick up the spices and powders necessary for our food. Also, flour and rice and some fruits and vegetables that I haven't found in chain markets. If you see something you want to know more about, please ask. By the way, nothing here is 'manufactured' in a factory setting. All is made the traditional way. I prefer something traditional from time to time."

Oh, did he have questions! Priya began to realize that the skinny man with the caustic wit and rapier tongue was also a man who was curious about _everything._

When it came time to check out, Priya pulled a mesh bag from her voluminous purse and the clerk filled it with her purchases. Sheldon paid for everything despite her objections.

"I received a lesson in cuisine and culture and it's the least I can do in exchange. Now, unless I'm mistaken, there are more purchases to be made since you mostly bought spices, vegetables that I've never heard of, and condiments."

"Yes. Now we will go to a supermarket for the meats, common vegetables and teas."

* * *

Penny had had a horrible day at work. She'd had her fanny squeezed by dirty old men, a group of mothers had come in with their children and a food fight had erupted – between the mothers - and lastly, her tips were crappy although one dirty old man had left her a twenty with his telephone number on it.

When she unlocked her door and threw her purse in the general direction of her couch and slipped off her shoes, Leonard was waiting for her with a cup of coffee in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other.

"Leonard, I'm too tired for this. Just get your stuff and go, okay? I'm too tired to worry about anything but taking a pain pill and going to bed."

She saw the hopeful look on his face but crushed him by almost screaming "Alone, Leonard, A-L-O-N-E."

"Penny, I'm sorry for all the drama. Look, I may have some infinitesimally small residual feelings for Priya but Penny, it's you I love."

"Look, I'll bottom line it for you: you love the 'idea' of me, of the pretty girl you can have on your arm when you have to go out in public. You like the sex, even when it's not all that great for me. You didn't think twice about hooking back up with Priya and when that bombed, guess who you suddenly 'loved'? Nope. Non-starter, Lennie-poo. Go. I'm going to bed."

"Penny, wait! That's not fair!"

"Maybe not, but it's the truth. Get your stuff out of my house before Friday. I'm tired of schlepping all around your crap. You can't find the laundry basket, you leave stuff all over the place, you move my stuff around and I can't find things when I need them…"

"Well, aren't we becoming the little Sheldon Cooper?"

"I'll take that as a compliment, Leonard. Now I'm tired, sore, and cranky and unless you want to walk with a limp for the next few weeks, get out."

"Penny, be reasonable. We've been through this before and we always end up together. Surely you can see that – "

"I'm going to shut up now and walk away. It doesn't mean you've won any points with your shitty excuses, it just means…it just means that your stupid ass isn't worth another moment of my time. Let yourself out, Leonard, and don't slam the door this time. It's petty and juvenile."

Leonard left, slamming the door as hard as he could.

* * *

Raj was being greeted by his sister at the door of 4A and Leonard's eyes bugged out when he saw that Priya was wearing a sari and heavy makeup and jewelry; her bejeweled hair was done up in a tight bun and she was barefoot.

"Priya, what are you doing in Sheldon's apartment dressed like that?"

"This is where I live now, Leonard, and I must ask that you respect my privacy. Rajesh, welcome to our home. Please greet Sheldon-_jaan_ and be seated."

Leonard knew what _'jaan'_ signified and he lost his temper. First Penny breaks up with him over some imagined feelings for Priya, and now Priya just called his ex-roommate by the name she always called him back when things were good between them.

He almost ran down the stairs, slamming his fist against the wall with every step. _'This is all Sheldon's fault. Somehow he's convinced Penny that I still have feelings for Priya and now Sheldon's living with my ex-girlfriend! He's the major cock-blocker in life and it's time someone put him in his rightful place!'_

* * *

Dinner was delicious and Sheldon found himself talking and laughing and having a really good time. Eating with one's fingers was not something he relished but he saw no way around it. He watched Rajesh and his sister eat and laugh and sip tea and he realized that for the first time in ages he had no reservations at all about what he was doing.

"So, Sheldon, what do you think of a traditional and authentic Indian meal made the old way, by hand?"

"Everything was delicious, even the fiery chicken wrap was good. Indians use chilies and curry the way we use Jalapenos and other incendiary peppers in Texas."

"Sheldon, I wish I had thought to bring my camera. The look on your face! The sweating brow, bulging eyes, the wisps of steam from your ears…"

Priya lightly rested her hand on the back of Sheldon's and said, "I hope you didn't think I was trying to poison you, Sheldon? I don't want you telling people that I'm a terrible cook who masks her mistakes with peppers!"

"No, I would never do that, Priya. My Meemaw taught me to be a gracious guest as well as a host. Rajesh, you bring in the plates and platters and I'll do the pre-wash and then load the dishwasher. Priya, you sit and relax." She kept touching him and her emotions were overwhelming.

"But Sheldon…"

"Priya, do not try and dissuade him. He does this anytime someone brings food in. Let him be. Not to bring up a tender subject, but have you spoken to our parents yet? Together, I mean."

"No, and I am not looking forward to it. I don't think we are enough in 'synch' with one another yet to deceive them effectively. He is definitely not my type, Rajesh, and I need to work out the bumps if we are to be comfortable and convincing."

"Well, you had better get the bumps smoothed out and your acts together in a fine hurry because they are calling you tomorrow night with 'discussion items'."

"Oh, no! No. Not…'discussion items'?" 'Discussion items' were things that her parents wanted, not necessarily what their children wanted.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 6a

The amity of the previous evening had disappeared with the light of day. Priya was not an early riser on weekends unless there was something she wanted to do so the noise of Sheldon banging around in the kitchen and the TV blaring the selected episode of Dr. Who woke her and really pissed her off.

She stormed out of her room and began yelling about the time, the day of the week and the volume on the television but it was obvious that Sheldon was ignoring her, so deep was he in his routine.

"Sheldon, it is just barely daylight, it is Sunday, the TV is too loud and – and what in God's name are you wearing?"

"It's 8:15; yes it's Sunday and that means paintball and the television is not loud at all, Priya. And please, I know we agreed to forgo a formal Roommate Agreement but I am certain both of us would have included a clause regarding clothing when in the presence of the opposite sex."

She hadn't even grabbed her robe and the shorty silken translucent pyjamas she wore were showing much too much of Priya to a man she hardly knew (_o' were that only true)._

"Do not move from that spot. I will be right back." She glared at him and pushed the hair out of her face and then spun on her heel and rushed back to her room affording Sheldon a view of a nicely rounded derriere.

She returned a few moments later and started her rant but Sheldon simply held up a hand to 'shush' her.

"Don't you 'shush' me, Sheldon Lee Cooper! It is Sunday. It is early on Sunday morning. I like to sleep in on Sunday mornings unless something is pressing at work. Now – "

"Well, since you're up, why don't you come with us? Perhaps we could use you…as a distraction? We are playing in a tournament and we have two teams to annihilate."

"Me? Run around in black coveralls like some…idiot child? It's undignified. It's – "

"Oh, by the way, we totally decimated the City DA's office. Lawyers. They tried to argue every hit as a 'splatter'. In the end it didn't matter." _ 'A rhyme already in the day! Oh but this day is starting out so well!'_

"The DA's office plays paintball? Who does? The clerks, bailiffs and secretaries?"

"Well, no. The prosecutors' team is trailing behind us and we play them twice. They eliminated the Pasadena Police Swat Team. They're pretty good, but we're better." She didn't' notice his twitching or the nervous tic in his eye.

Priya had a thing for prosecutors. She had once dated an assistant DA. She found the jurisprudence banter to be quite stimulating to her libido.

"I'm in. Do you have coveralls to fit me?"

"Leonard's. He left them here and since Penny lolls around in bed Sunday mornings, he lolls also. You're about the same height." He hadn't meant to diss Leonard but Priya's shields were up and she carefully examined everything Sheldon Cooper said and almost always took it the wrong way.

"You know, Sheldon, **I** dream about a world where it is totally legal and socially acceptable to slap stupid people."

* * *

Pasadena Paintball Park  
10am Sunday

Priya Koothrappali was not a happy camper. Sheldon had been very thorough in his explanation of what happened in a paintball 'engagement' and what their overall strategy was going to be. She knew nothing about handling herself in a wooded environment and had always been basically a pacifist and now she was supposed to become a 'paintball warrior'?

"Sheldon, I've never handled a firearm and I never was allowed to play with toy guns or even play violent video games. I hope you don't expect too much of my performance today."

"Priya, all you have to do is distract the opposition, lure them into our kill zone, and your teammates will do the rest. Trust me, Priya. With the acting ability I've seen you display to date, we'll have an easy day of it."

"I think you have me confused with the blonde bimbo across the hall. I have no acting abilities. I am a lawyer and – "

"And you've been trained, programmed, and conditioned to defend guilty people even when you have proof of their guilt. That takes acting ability."

"Aww, Sheldon…I think it's cute when you try to talk about things of which your knowledge is both limited and probably wrong." Her sarcasm went right over his head, of course.

"And Penny is not a 'bimbo', Priya. She is my best friend and I'll thank you to keep a civil tongue in your head. I wonder if your residual feelings for Leonard aren't clouding your judgment. Leonard sought _her_ out to attempt another doomed relationship. Keep that in mind. Penny loves quickly and deeply and Leonard's inability to totally purge his feelings for you is viewed by Penny as a 'deal breaker'."

"That is his problem, Sheldon, not mine. There was little hope that I would ever return to the US for any extended period of time and I thought it was best that we end it."

"You were the one who strayed and were unfaithful to Leonard. _'I loved you, Leonard' _were your exact words, _'but you are so far away and I was so lonely…'_ and then you plunged the dagger into his back!"

"Perhaps you should be the bait since you seem to have the dramatic flare for it! Don't be concerned about me or what I do, Sheldon Cooper. This is my life not yours!"

"Leonard was my friend and you gave him something precious and then snatched it away from him. You gave him hope, Priya, and then your real self rose up and snatched it from him. Shame on you!"

"Why do you care so much about what happened?" She was honestly curious. Was Sheldon Cooper having real feelings for someone other than himself?

"Because they were my friends and I have precious few of them and yes, I am arrogant and selfish with them but when someone, an outsider, hurts them…I get angry, Priya and I don't like me when I'm angry."

She reached up and tenderly patted his cheek and smiled. "Don't worry, Sheldon, I don't like you even when you're _not_ angry."

She laughed at the look on his face and turned to walk over to where Winkle, Howard, Bernadette and Raj were standing around trying hard not to watch the 'Priya & Sheldon Show' but still hanging on every word said.

Bernadette watched in horror. Rajesh tried to mentally communicate with his dear friend to curb his temper and not do anything rash. Howard watched with barely concealed glee, anticipating Sheldon's act of violent retribution. Winkle watched, not having a clue what they'd been arguing about but interested enough to see just how 'Dr. Dumbass' would respond. Her money was on him tucking his tail between his legs and running away.

Priya deliberately swayed her hips and walked as if she were a model on a runway knowing that Sheldon was watching her every move. The coveralls were tight across the chest and the material strained where her ample breasts stressed the zipper. She knew that she had a great body and wasn't shy about using it to get attention or her own way. Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.

She yelped in pain and thought for a moment that she'd been stung by something on her left butt cheek. She yelped again a second later when a yellow paintball pellet struck the exact center of her right buttock just as the first had struck her left. The tightly stretched fabric did absolutely nothing to mitigate the force of the impacts.

No one said a word although when Priya turned to confront Sheldon there was a gasp from the assembled crowd and a wolf whistle from Howard. Even Winkle was impressed.

"Bazinga!" Sheldon had fired from the hip and struck her ass in exactly the places he'd 'willed' the pellets to strike. He rarely missed. After all, he was a Texan.

She didn't exactly charge but she did run up to him, ball her hand into a fist and punch Sheldon in the eye. It wasn't what anyone had expected, least of all Sheldon Cooper. He ended up stretched out to his full length, blood gushing from his left eyebrow, stunned and mortified.

"You – you – ass! Get up, Sheldon. You're lying in the dirt. You know what lives in the dirt, Sheldon? Insects. Microbes. Get up from the filthy, germ-laden dirt." She gave him her best haughty look - and the finger – and strutted over to the picnic table beside their 'safe house'.

His friends rushed over to where he lay and Howard glared at Priya but then stooped over and he and Raj half-carried, half-dragged Sheldon to their 'safe house' shack and flopped him on the picnic table just in front of it. Bernadette poured water from a plastic bottle over his face and then wiped up the blood from his split eyebrow.

"You know, it was hard not to overhear your argument, Priya. He was right, y'know? Don't, please, don't ever tell him I said that but he was. Leonard is just not used to women and what we do to men. I really thought he and Barbie had a shot but then you came back and – "

"I did not come back to be in a relationship, Dr. Winkle. This is a great opportunity for me to achieve a junior partnership in my law firm. It is difficult being a woman in a man's profession, even in the US.

"I can relate to that but it still doesn't explain why you and Dr. Dumbass here are living together."

"I did not contact Leonard and my presence in his former apartment is for another reason entirely. Leonard is engaged. I had nothing to do with his inability to explain his feelings to the blonde. It's not my business and certainly not my problem."

"You're begging the question, Counselor. Why are you and Sheldon Cooper, a man who clearly can barely tolerate your presence, living together? Surely you make enough money to afford a rather nice place – if that car of yours is any indication of financial security."

"It is a very complicated situation, Dr. Winkle, and I don't feel comfortable discussing it. Why is everyone so interested in what Sheldon-_jaan_ and I do in our personal lives?" The _'jaan'_ just slipped out as she watched Bernadette minister to Sheldon. She felt bad about his eye but rationalized that '_he started it_' and her ass still stung.

"Why? My God, Sheldon Cooper decides to allow a _woman_ to reside in his apartment – a woman who, by the way, he thinks is even more arrogant and conceited and self-centered than he is? If you weren't the woman in question, counselor, wouldn't you be curious?"

The blare of the loudspeaker announced the end of the current round of play. Once again the D.A. Prosecutors had bested their opponents. Team Physics was now tied with them

* * *

"Bernadette, please fetch me my backpack. I have prepared for this contingency although I really thought it would be Leonard who would be injured."

He dug around and pulled out a first aid kit that was replete with things that would allow a surgeon to operate. One never knew when the Apocalypse might occur.

"Please use the butterflies and then spray the area with Nu-Skin and it'll do well enough that I won't miss the tournament. We've all put too much effort into this to let it slip away from us because I couldn't control my temper but, Gods, that woman gets under my s-ss-skin s-s-simply by being in the s-s-same universe!"

"Hold still, Sheldon. I can't butterfly a moving target!"

Sheldon ignored Priya except to dispatch her on her mission of distraction.

"Use that uncanny whine of yours to attract those men and women to their doom just like the sirens tried to do to Ulysses." He turned and walked away from her rather than have to deal with her.

"Perhaps I'll be Circe; after all, all men are _pigs_!" She strutted off in the direction of the ambush, muttering curses about tall assholes who knew too much about too much and absolutely _nothing_ about being even remotely human.

'_**Sometimes** I wish I was a bird. So I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads!'_


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Last one for a while unless we get a reprieve.

* * *

Chapter 6B  
Pasadena Paintball Park

She was very upset with herself for striking Sheldon but the man was proving to be more of an aggravation than she'd thought possible.

She was so upset that she just sat down on an obstacle and started to cry. She wasn't bawling, just the occasional tear but inside, she was wailing.

'_I would be better off with that 61-year old man than being engaged to that – that damned popinjay! I will return to India and submit to the will of my parents. Goodbye Prada purses, dinners at Spago's and – '_

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the hot-shot corporate lawyer substituting for that losing buncha eggheads. I don't know whether to laugh at them or buy them a beer. You still the Grade A Bitch, Priya? Still think that pussy of yours is so special?"

She jerked her head up at the voice that she knew. It was the guy she'd dated before Leonard and it hadn't ended well at all. He wanted things that no decent woman would even consider and it had gotten loud and physical and the police had taken him in for the night.

He also had three of his teammates with him and for the first time in a long while Priya felt real fear. She was alone and Brian had promised to get even with her. He'd lost a promotion because of her domestic violence complaint.

"Brian Alder…now my day is complete!" Anything else she might have said was lost in a popping of paintballs all over her tormenter's facemask and chest. Whoever was shooting was being very specific to hit those areas least protected. The final 4 or 5 paintballs stuck him in his unprotected crotch and he went down on his knees.

The other three went into a defensive crouch, firing into the brush and started backing out of the ambush but they were hit from behind by paintballs fired by Raj and Bernadette.

"You fucking bitch!" Alder tore off his facemask and started limping towards her with his fists up but Sheldon stepped out from the brush behind Priya and quietly said, "Don't. I could 'accidentally' blind you if my finger slipped. You lost. Tough for you. Never come near her again. You won't like what happens if you do."

Sheldon reached down and grabbed Priya by the upper arm and stood her up.

"Are you alright, _jaanam?" _She was trembling and suddenly turned and buried her face in his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I was so afraid. I had him ar – "

"Hush. Raj told me all about it and that was a long time ago. Go back to the shack. There are cold bottles of water and Howard and Raj have some alcohol they think I don't know about. We'll wrap this up shortly."

* * *

They were all standing around the shack bragging about their trophy. They had finally one a tournament but Sheldon was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Dr. Dumbass? I want to get a team picture for my blog."

"He called a cab and left." Actually, Raj had called the cab. He wanted Sheldon away from the Paintball Park. He didn't want to risk an altercation if Priya's ex-boyfriend came sniffing around trying to stir up trouble.

* * *

Sheldon's apartment

Sheldon paid the cab driver and gave him a hefty tip for having the cleanest cab he'd ever been in since moving to California. It was the least he could do for his fellow man considering how nasty most of the public and for-hire vehicles were.

He dragged himself up the four flights of stairs and ran into Penny who was just unlocking her door. He hoped to avoid her but no such luck_. 'She must be cultivating Vulcan hearing'._

Actually she heard his wheezing breath. He had taken the steps two at a time so great was his need to use the bathroom.

"Hey, Sheldon, what's – Jesus, Moon Pie, what happened to your eye?" It was turning black and the gauze he'd paper-taped to his brow had come loose during the match and he hadn't noticed.

"Paint ball hit me just right. Please excuse me, Penny, but I have to use the facilities." He opened the door, slipped inside and she heard the click of the lock being set.

'_No paintball did that! You know better than to lie to me, Sheldon Cooper!'_

She found the spare key that Leonard had returned at Sheldon's insistence. She had found it shoved under her door with a note in Sheldon's cramped hand that read _'Emergency use. Emergencies do not include requests for tech support, milk, coffee or WiFi passwords.'_

Sheldon was hurt. That constituted an emergency in Penny's mind.


	9. Chapter 9

My chapter numberings are weird because I'm using two laptops and the MS Word doesn't like mine that much.

Reparata

* * *

Chapter 7A

Priya parked her Mercedes carefully (it was leased) and trudged up the stairs to her apartment. She wasn't used to being looked at in the manner that Sheldon's paintball teammates had looked at her. That was one time being the center of attention was not as attractive to her as other times.

She was also thinking heavily about her reaction when Sheldon had interceded with Brian Alder. Yes, she had been frightened out of her wits but to fall apart in public like that and, worse, to have cried like a little girl in his arms, well, that was _not_ Priya Koothrappali, not at all.

When she finally arrived on the fourth floor, the first thing she noticed was that all Leonard's various games, systems and clothing were not-so-neatly piled in front of the blonde bimbo's door.

'_Good. Someone else is having a bad day!"_

She unlocked the apartment door and stepped inside, glad to be somewhere she felt in control. She saw Sheldon's backpack and messenger bag on the couch.

'_He is so damned anal about putting things in their place. Why are those just thrown haphazardly on the couch?'_

She was mentally preparing her 'jury summary' to apologize to Sheldon, beg his forgiveness if necessary, and explain as fully as he required her involvement with Brian Adler and why she was basically afraid of men – except those she could control – when she became emotionally involved with them. They all seemed to take advantage of her love and seek to dominate her.

'_Sheldon jaan, it was an abusive relationship and it left its stain on me. It is why I am so defensive whenever a man thinks himself superior to me. It is why Leonard and I 'clicked' and why it was so easy for me to cast him off. I don't want any man to be that important to me again that I will allow his will to supersede my own.'_

She knew she needed to 'clean it up' a bit, simplify her words and their meaning. It was important to her that of all the people she knew, that Sheldon Cooper not see her as 'weak'.

* * *

"Penny, please get off me. It is very disconcerting to me to have you – "

Priya followed the voices and opened the bathroom door and gasped in surprised shock. Sheldon was sitting on the closed commode and the blonde BITCH was sitting on his lap, straddling him and holding his face between her palms.

They were using the 'Rowing Boat' position, a modified 'Basket' position of the Kama Sutra. It was her favorite position and allowed such deep penetration and intimacy, although one should take off one's clothes before...unless this was some weird American foreplay?

"What is going on here, Sheldon?" She stood in the doorway, hands on hips and she was angry and perhaps jealous. An hour ago she had been the focus of his attention and his embrace had felt _so right_ but now…

"Get off me, Penny. This isn't what it looks like, Priya. Penny is reapplying butterfly sutures and she hurt her back moving Leonard's stuff from her apartment and this was the easiest way since I'm so much taller than she."

Penny slipped off his lap and stood up, groaning and holding her lower back in the reversed palms of her hands. She arched her back and she was clearly braless and almost shoving her t-shirt covered breasts into Sheldon's face.

"Sheldon told me how he go hurt and it was so obvious a lie that I pressed him for the truth."

"I saw how you were pressing him,"thought Priya, suddenly angry with Sheldon for telling Penny about her display of temper. She didn't realize that she'd spoken her thought aloud.

Penny turned and drew back her right fist, intent on knocking the Indian bitch on her ass but her elbow caught Sheldon, still seated, on the brow of his right eye. The skin split and the blood poured into his eye and down his cheek.

"Look what you have done to him!" yelled Priya, stepping up and getting in Penny's face while Sheldon used a towel to staunch the flow of blood and wondering why anyone would ever get involved with either of these two harpies.

He didn't want his paintball coveralls to get blood all over them and the towel would need to soak in cold water over night to preclude staining.

"Ladies, and I use the term in a sarcastic manner in the event my tone of voice doesn't convey my intent, take your petty squabbles out of here. Perhaps you both should go to Penny's apartment and murder each other and save some poor man a life of misery should he be unfortunate or foolish enough to marry either of you."

Sheldon rushed out of the bathroom and into his bedroom and locked the door. Always prepared, he pulled his backup apocalypse backpack from under his bed and removed a hand mirror and first aid kit. God only knew what damage he might incur should he ever enlist either of those screaming females' 'help'.


	10. Chapter 10

Spent the morning at a unit homecoming ceremony. Not all came home with the unit. Several are in the hospital and one is in Arlington. I will never allow a single day to go by without telling Dug-Dug that I love him.

Reparata

* * *

Chapter 7B

They had a Skype conference set up with her parents. Priya was nervous and kept carping at Sheldon to let her control their end of the conversation.

"I know my parents' moods and 'signs' much better than you do, Sheldon. I will attempt to steer the conversation into safe waters. Just sit there and don't say anything unless it's about a neutral topic, okay? I will handle the sensitive parts."

"Your arrogance is hardly a virtue, Priya."

"Please, Sheldon…this whole affair will be over before you know it and you can go back to denying that anyone other than you is essential to the continuation of life on this planet."

He didn't have a thing to say to dispute her point so he just stayed quiet, working on a formula in the corner of his mind where he kept his mental 'white boards'.

Things were rolling along smoothly until Mrs. Koothrappali noticed the absence of an engagement ring on Priya's hand.

"So, Sheldon, where is my Priya's engagement ring?" Mrs. Koothrappali was staring at Priya's left hand that rested lightly on the desktop.

"Mummy, it's being resized at the jeweler's."

"Yes, Mrs. Koothrappali, the ring I purchased was of normal size. It will be at least a week until they dig up and run enough gold through the smelter - " Priya had placed her right hand on the inside of Sheldon's left thigh and was stroking it with enough pressure that he knew it was there, " - before the jeweler can even begin working on the ring."

"Sheldon-jaan, you are such a kidder," said Priya, digging her nails into the tender skin just south of his private parts. Her smile was forced and cold.

"Priya, are you two fighting? There appears to be friction and tension between you. You certainly don't appear to be happy with your future husband."

'_Oh, Mummy, if only you knew!' _thought Priya. Fearing that her mother would see through their charade, she laughed gaily and reached around and moved the computer a bit so that they wouldn't get too much of a show.

'_Work with me, Sheldon Cooper, please?' _she thought, as she let her hand glide up over the crotch of his jeans, up over his chest until she reached his neck and then she pulled him down toward her and kissed him passionately.

Sheldon had angled the screen of the laptop so that they could only see him from the chin downwards so as not to reveal his slowly blackening eyes and the butterflies that stood out against his skin. When Priya had moved her hand he had tensed, suspecting some new type of pain to ensure his compliance but…

It happened too quickly to voice an objection and then her lips were on his, her tongue skipping along his lower lip, tickling and tantalizing him. A mere second, certainly less than two, he felt himself relax into the kiss despite his iron will to do anything but.

His undisciplined tongue slipped over the tip of hers and caressed her lip, detecting every little ripple of soft tissue and teasing it, then when her mouth opened slightly, he shifted his attention to her taste, the delicate freshness of her lip balm, the texture of the inside of her lower lip, the smooth and clean enamel of her teeth.

She gave a little moan or whimper deep in her throat when his tongue snaked past her teeth and delved into the sweet warmth of her mouth…

"Ahem, please, children, a little self control…"

Priya heard her mother's voice off in the distance through a haze of indifference to anything but what she was experiencing but when her father cleared his throat, she broke the kiss and looked to the screen. Her mother was smiling broadly; her father, ever the prude where she was concerned, frowned and then began a prepared speech.

"Children, we have such a surprise for you. Sheldon, your University classes are over until September, are they not?" asked Dr. Koothrappali.

"Yes. I get much of my research done in the quiet that descends on campus."

"And your research? Does it require special materials or equipment?"

"Just my brain, Dr. Koothrappali. It is my 'special' equipment." He had no idea where this conversation was heading.

"Then it is settled. Children, in light of your engagement, Mrs. Koothrappali and I, at great personal expense, have leased a lake-side villa in the resort town of Laliki on the gorgeous lake of the same name, where, in the auspicious month of Jetan, Priya Koothrappali and Sheldon Cooper shall be wed before a gathering of family and friends! There are great portents for your immediate marriage as your future mother-in-law's personal astrologer has foretold."

"W-when?" Priya never thought it would go this far. Her parents were truly demonic and overbearing and over controlling and –

"June 18 through July 24. Anytime after that is not looking good for grandbabies and happiness until the new lunar year," said Priya's mother.

She looked like the cat that ate the canary. She'd trapped her daughter into committing first to an engagement to a very prominent scientist and now into a marriage with a man who obviously knew how to kiss her senseless.

She fanned her face due to a sudden bloom of heat and looked at her husband who merely looked…bored.

"And, I might add," said Dr. Koothrappali, "we have rented the villa for the entire summer so that you two, my daughter and my new son, might honeymoon in luxury and peace."

Sheldon started to say something, to object, to voice his dissent but Dr. Koothrappali held up his hand to stop any comments.

"Yes, Dr. Cooper, I understand that such a wedding gift is much too much but Priya is my only daughter. Think of this as her – dowry."

* * *

Penny sat on her couch watching, of all things, Dr. Who. She was rethinking all that had occurred in the past few weeks and she suddenly realized that the only person she really wanted to talk to was just across the hall – with his fiancé, if what she'd been told was the truth.

They hadn't even dated that she knew of, and yet they were engaged? Raj would not lie to her even if he had to be slightly buzzed to even be able to talk to her. He only said that Sheldon Cooper was a man of honor and that his 'beloved Meemaw' was a 'real bitch'. She couldn't get any more out of him no matter how hard she tried.

Her cell chirped and she started to laugh out loud when she saw who was calling her.

"Hello, Dr. Winkle. Did you dial a wrong number?"

"No, but I wanted to put a little bug in your ear. All is not well in Fairy Land between the Queen of Laws and Dr. Dumbass. I just thought I'd fill you in since you and the Gnomish Hobbit are no more since he still has the hots for that woman we both dislike intensely."

They talked for almost an hour and afterwards Penny sat in the dark of her apartment and began to plot and plan.

Sheldon Cooper was an innocent being used and abused by that horrible woman. Priya had deliberately hurt him whereas Penny's had been unintentional.

Her Whack-a-doodle needed rescuing and who better than his Queen Penelope?

But then what? What if he didn't _want_ to be rescued? What if he really _did_ have feelings for her? After all, she was everything Penny wasn't – except blonde, and what if he really was attracted to her? Priya was smart, well educated, beautiful (if you liked blood sucking bottom feeders), had a killer body (well, so did she) and a career. She was a waitress who wanted to be an actress.

'_I need more intel. Who can I call? Who can I use?'_

She picked up her cell phone and paged through her contacts and dialed a number.

"Hello, Mrs. Cooper? This is Penny in Pasadena, Sheldon's friend…did you know he was engaged?"


	11. Chapter 11

_"Hello, Mrs. Cooper? This is Penny in Pasadena, Sheldon's friend…did you know he was engaged?"_

"Oh, my stars, I didn't think he would ever do such a thing but he did, bless his soul. The last time we spoke, well, he was borderline blasphemous and I doubt I will be seeing my son anytime soon. I stepped across a line with Shelly and there's no way to step back. If you see him, tell him his mother loves him and always will and I hope he will forgive me someday for what I did."

She would never 'fess up' to just what it was she did nor what the 'line' was that she'd crossed despite all Penny's wheedling and cajoling.

"It's not for me to say, Penny." That was the gist of their entire 30-minute conversation. Penny felt frustrated that she still had no answers. Could Sheldon really be engaged – to Priya Koothrapalli?

Across the hall in 4A there was a different conversation going on. Priya had expected Sheldon Cooper to explode in anger but instead he'd simply walked into his room and closed the door. She heard the 'snick' of the lock being engaged and then the crash of something large and very breakable against the wall or floor, she didn't know which. A few minutes later he walked back out, and the conversation began.

"Priya, this is not what I agreed to do and this is not going to happen. I have plans for the summer months that do not include getting married."

"You act like this is something I want, Sheldon. Believe me, the last thing I want is to get married. I have my career and a life all planned out. This – this is a disaster!"

"They are your parents so it's your problem. I agreed to 'pretend' to be your boyfriend but only to keep you from having to marry a senior citizen whom you only met once. There was nothing said about _marriage_."

_'I knew I should have written up an agreement but she's a lawyer and this should have been anticipated somewhere in her lawyerly mind!'_

"They will never believe that we have fallen out of love – not after that kiss. Sheldon, where did you – "

"You tricked me! First you distracted me with your hand on my leg and then you touched me intimately and then kissed me!" He was outraged at the violation of his person. He had been so careful, so distant, but she had tricked him and kissed him in front of her own parents! Her raw emotions and then the passion nearly was his undoing.

"You kissed me back! Don't deny it, Sheldon. You kissed me back!"

He had. She could still feel the soft fullness of his lips on hers and the gentle caress of his tongue on hers and the way it slipped into her mouth…she shook herself free from the distracting memory.

"I was trying to play the part of your fiancé, Priya. Was I expected to recoil in horror? I think that might have tipped our hand, don't you think? Your parents are quite astute and your mother! I think she and my Meemaw would be great friends, even with the age and cultural differences. I can see them on the front porch, in rocking chairs, sipping ice tea and plotting out our lives, cackling at some ingenious twist to their plot."

Priya could not stop the image of her mother, dressed in traditional Indian clothing, and Sheldon's grandmother, dressed like an 1880 frontier wife, sitting and sipping and plotting. Somehow it didn't seem all that strange.

"And what of your mother, Sheldon? Does she not want the best for you? Does she not 'suggest' choices and actions to you from time to time? She seems to be a determined woman."

"My mother is obsessed with religion."

"So what are we going to do?" She was at a loss. If she confessed her deceit she feared her parents reaction. Perhaps she should just go about her life and when Sheldon's name came up, just say that it didn't work out – too many cultural … no, that would simply add fuel to the arranged marriage fire.

"I know it goes against all your legal training, Priya, but you could try simply telling them the truth: you deceived them rather than marry a man you don't know and could never love. Just think of me when you tell them about why you couldn't possibly marry him. Pretend I was the one courting you. See? Easy as pie."

"Perhaps we could make excuses and delay. I simply cannot spend 3 months in India at some luxury villa on the most beautiful lake in all of India. I have my career to tend to. That's what I'll do. I'll tell them I can't marry yet because of commitments to my firm."

"Good, then it is settled. It's late and I have much to do tomorrow. Good night, Priya. I will shower and be out of your way within 30 minutes."

* * *

The next few weeks were full of routine. Sheldon 'excused' Priya from her duty of driving him to and from places and he tried to be anywhere else but in his own apartment when she might be there.

He doubled his use of hand sanitizer because he rode the bus.

Each 30-minute trip seemed like an eternity and he used the lab locker showers on more than one occasion when the air conditioning failed on the bus and he was forced to absorb the odor of countless filthy and odiferous bus passengers as they perspired in the miasma of the late spring heat.

Priya threw herself into her work and soon drew a choice assignment: she was to be 'of counsel' for an Indian manufacturer that was acquiring another company and it would mean spending at least 2 or 3 months in India, traveling between Delhi, Mumbai and the firm's London home office.

There had been 'discussions' about establishing a permanent presence in Mumbai and there were hints of a partnership in her future if the acquisition went well and a posting to their Indian headquarters in Delhi.

* * *

Sheldon was once again 'out for the evening' and her parents Skyped her with demands for travel schedules and the like. She had avoided their attempts to Skype simply because she knew the look on her face would never convince them of her words.

"And where is Dr. Cooper, Priya? I thought summer was the time he – "

"Yes, he is working on a research project, very hush-hush, Mummy. He won't even tell me what he's doing."

That was so true. When asked, he always responded with 'working on a publication' or 'cleaning up someone else's mess' but Rajesh had told her that they were working with Leslie Winkle on a classified government project. Something to do with lasers, magnets and 'force multipliers'.

He didn't even have time, apparently, for his friends. He hadn't seen Howard or Bernadette since the paintball tournament. He avoided Leonard like the plague, blaming him for his current state of affairs. He occasionally saw Penny in their building but had stopped going to the Cheesecake Factory since he detested eating alone in public.

Penny was always bright and cheerful. _Perky_ was his best adjective for her. Nothing seemed to get her down for long. Her resilience was one of her best qualities. She tried striking up conversations whenever they ran into each other but he was either going somewhere or she was. She wasn't dating, just spending time with her friends and having a good time. She and Leonard were permanent history and she found it…liberating.

* * *

Sheldon was late getting back from a colleague's lab at CalTech. Priya was upset. She and her mother were in the midst of a horrible argument with each saying things they didn't mean but, as Sheldon once told her in his pedantic and irritating manner, 'You can't put toothpaste back in the tube, Priya'.

Now her mother pressed her for travel arrangements. She countered with information about her exciting new assignment. Her mother complained about her being ungrateful and how much her father had spent already and Priya had been almost to the point of admitting the entire farce when her father came into the room and interrupted her mother and said that Rajesh needed to speak with Priya immediately.

"Why is my brother calling you in India to give me a message to call him when he is less than a few miles away?" Her brother's mind worked in strange ways.

"He called because your cell phone is off and he knew you and your mother were conversing. There has been an accident…"

Her father didn't know any details just that Rajesh and Sheldon had been assisting a colleague in a lab when there had been an explosion.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Yes, I know Sheldon's middle name is 'Lee' but read on and I'll explain everything in a later chapter.

Reparata

* * *

"Priya, why are you just sitting there? Go! Go be with him. He may be…he may be dying as we speak and here you sit, almost disinterested. Are you in shock? Can you drive?"

Priya closed the lid of her laptop effectively severing the connection. _Dying? Sheldon? _

She turned on her phone and saw several voicemails but opted to call her brother directly rather than waste time. It went directly to voicemail and she figured if he was at the hospital he couldn't use his cell phone.

Her mother was right. She was too nervous to drive. Her brother and his best friend, her faux fiancée, were injured.

Rajesh must not be badly hurt if he would call our father but that meant – Sheldon?

She banged on the door of 4B and when Penny opened the door Priya blurted out "Rajesh and Sheldon-jaan have been hurt in an explosion. I am too upset to drive. Please, please drive me to the hospital?"

"Let me change clothes. I was cleaning the bathroom. An explosion? How badly were they hurt? Is he – I mean, are they going to be all right?"

Penny had images cascading through her mind of Sheldon lying, broken, among the remains of his office, his beautiful mind and body, bloody and broken.

"Penny, I don't have any details, just that there was an accident. Please hurry. He might be dying and – "

"Don't say that! Don't ever say that! He has to be okay, he just has to be!" Both women had tears in their eyes and for just a second each knew the other's thoughts.

'_She has real feelings for him!'_

* * *

Pasadena General Hospital

Rajesh slipped into the exam area where they'd taken Sheldon. They had both been knocked around pretty good by the blast wave when the power supply to the COIL-gas laser exploded and sent a massive energy pulse through the unfocused laser device. They'd both been hit by a millisecond pulse of some kind of energy and immediately lost consciousness.

"Sheldon Cooper, wake up. Sheldon, it is I, Rajesh Koothrappali. You are in Pasadena and we were in an accident. Now tell me, Sheldon, because it is incredibly important how you answer this question: What is your middle name?"

He leaned over his friend, careful not to entangle his IV tubes and monitoring gadgets with his own. "Sheldon – what is your middle name? Sheldon – "

"Quit shouting. My middle name is…my middle name is…" He seemed to be concerned about the occupants of the room.

"We are alone, my friend, but not for long. Your middle name is – "

"Leland. Sheldon Leland Cooper. I'm still here and I'm still me, Raj. You – were injured? Winkle? An explosion and when I first woke up I thought maybe I'd – "

"Displaced? No, my friend. We, you and I, were knocked out by the pulse. Winkle was behind the shield at the controls. I think she overloaded the COIL-gas unit and it blew up most spectacularly. She is down the hall unless my ears fail me. Her profanity-laced descriptions of the heritage of the medical staff are most unpleasant but memorable."

"Why are we still here?" He hurt all over.

"Apparently the radiation alarms were triggered and you and I are here in quarantine until our blood work and MRI results are back."

"Well, at least we got a free physical. I wonder if they'll let me have a copy of the MRI on disc? I would like to see the magnificence that is my brain. They never let me see it when my mother had me tested." Of course that wasn't the last time he'd been tested, just the first time and that was long ago.

"_Doctor Koothrappali! Get back into your bed this instant!"_

Raj turned and looked at the figure in the protective suit, her voice booming out through a speaker mounted on her chest. He kinda liked it. Being able to ogle under the guise of listening intently to the loudspeaker. She was very pretty and he could just make out her hair color through the face shield of the Class IV protective suit. Every cloud did have a silver lining, after all.

"He cannot speak around beautiful women. It is conversion hysteria from an early encounter with a transvestite as near as we can ascertain. Bring him a Grasshopper, however, and he'll talk your ear and clothes off you. You have been warned."

_"You two are very popular. There's a horde of people waiting for word about you. I think at least one of them is a lawyer given the way she's walking back and forth. She reminds me of a shark in an aquarium.'_

They both looked at each other and then said as one voice: "Priya".

Raj noted a change in Sheldon's facial expression. Gone was the arrogant man he knew his friend to be and instead there was a softening of his features that he only saw before when Penny had broken up with Leonard the first time.

_'Perhaps there is more going on in the apartment than meets the eye? Priya, do you know what you're doing?' _thought Raj.

"I'd better go with this beautiful Florence Nightingale before she threatens me with some physically invasive procedure. I will talk with Priya if I am able. You, my friend, look like you were trampled by elephants, dragged for miles through the jungle by water buffalo and finally left in the sun for a few days."

"I'm not the only one with the sudden 'tan', Raj. You look like you were dipped in red paint. What level of radiation were we exposed to? Great Isaac Newton, we may have only hours or days to live, Rajesh, and I have not yet won my Nobel Prize!"

"The Gods are jealous of their secrets, Sheldon. Perhaps cold fusion should be left to others to discover. Between us, I think Winkle's 'adjustments' to our original plan may have caused the accident. That woman never leaves well enough alone! She is worse than Leonard."

"The government is going to have a fit over this. One failure after another. We'll lose our grant money and – "

"Oh, no! That means I'll be deported to India. Sheldon, I cannot bear India for more than a few weeks at a time. The cow dung in the streets, the constant congestion, the crowds…there are almost a billion of us now and India is such a small country – "

"Raj, your family is rich and you live in a gated community in the suburbs in a huge mansion so please, dial the drama down a notch. No one is going to be deported…"

"Easy for you to say. All they will do is hand you a bus ticket and send you back to Texas."


	13. Chapter 13

The nurse 'escorted' Raj back to his exam room and then closed the room door. The man was concerned about his friend and that was commendable but from what she'd heard from the doctors who were discussing the results of their initial exams, both scientists had been exposed to unknown amounts of radiation and gamma rays and were under strict quarantine pending further tests.

Priya was pacing back and forth and finally Penny grabbed her and sat her down. She was driving her nuts with her pacing and muttering in Hindi. She suggested that Priya distract herself and tell her all about her relationship with Sheldon.

"It is not as it seems, Penny. I was trapped into an 'arranged marriage' by my parents. The man is ancient and I've only met him once when I was a child and he was old even then."

"My God, do people still do that? What about love, Priya? You marry someone you don't know and you're expected to be a wife and bear his children and you don't really know him let alone love him?"

"India has a much lower divorce rate than in most western countries. It's just that…I have a career and I will only marry for love."

"So where does Sheldon come in to the picture?"

Penny laughed so hard she nearly fell off the hard plastic chair in the ER waiting room. Priya's description of Sheldon's reaction had started her giggling but the comments Priya and Sheldon had thrown back and forth at one another were giving her fits of laughter.

"So you blurted out 'Dr. Sheldon Cooper'? Wow, talk about brain farts!" She was laughing so hard she was afraid she'd pee her pants.

"Penny, it's not funny. His was the only name I could think of. I feel so guilty for using his family against him but Rajesh told me it would be the only way and I was desperate to avoid my parents' selection of a husband."

"But Priya, why didn't you just tell them 'no, I don't love him, he's old, and I'll only marry someone I love'?"

"I was raised to obey my parents in such things and besides, I owe them so much for what they've enabled me to do. I could not say 'no' in good conscience."

"So how did the great introduction on skype go?"

"My mother was suspicious since we seemed so rigid and uncomfortable with each other. She thought we were fighting and so, to calm her fears and further distract her…I kissed him."

"O-M-G! You kissed him? What – what was his reaction? I'll bet he didn't have a clue how to handle that situation."

"He – he kissed me back after just a moment's hesitation. He has 'clues', Penny, and he's so subtle and when he kissed me back…"

"He kissed you back? – we _are_ talking about Sheldon, right?" She didn't like the look on Priya's face when she was talking about 'The Kiss' like it was sacred or holy or something and she was in the throes of rapture.

"It was like I was the only woman in the world and his only purpose was that one kiss." She sighed and Penny went into a mental funk.

Sheldon could _not_ have feelings for Priya 'Vampire Woman' Koothrappali, he just couldn't! She had no clue why she felt the way she did, just that – holy crap on a cracker – she was jealous!

"It felt like he was worshipping my lips with his lips and tongue and – "

"_Tongue?_ Sheldon Cooper, who goes through hand sanitizer like I go through moisturizer, used his _tongue_?"

Priya nodded her head, still somewhat dazed looking. "And it was like being made love to with just a kiss. Penny, were he not such a conceited, arrogant, narcissistic and selfishly 'advanced' Neanderthal…"

"What?" She wanted to know but didn't. It was like wanting shoes but knowing her electric bill was due.

"I would take him to my bed and see what else he can grow adept at doing. Such focus…such concentration…"

Penny had a vivid imagination and it just went into warp, imagining her and Sheldon in _her_ bed.

"Enough, Priya, enough. I get the picture. I've seen him stare at an equation on a white board for hours and hours and never even acknowledge the rest of the world. His focus is legendary."

* * *

His 'legendary focus' had apparently abandoned him. He was having difficulty concentrating and every time he moved his head he had to close his eyes because of the vertigo he experienced.

"Dr. Cooper, can you tell me the date? Who is the President of the United States? What state were you born in? Where do you work? Do you know - "

"Enough! It is April 18, 1868. The President of the US is Andrew Johnson. I was born in the Republic of Texas and I work for the Vicksburg & Shreveport Railway as an engineer on a 14-wheeled steam locomotive manufactured by Babcock & Wilcox of Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania."

The doctor turned pasty white and scribbled some notes hastily on a clipboard and then took out a cell phone and made a call for a psych evaluation.

Sheldon looked up at him with a crafty smile. "Bazinga! My name is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. The current president is Barak Obama. I am a theoretical particle physicist at CalTech where my colleague and I were recently blown through a wall and into a corridor after an unfocused COIL-Gas laser fired prematurely. How is our project? You know it as 'Dr. Winkle'? She was behind the shields operating the system to test and validate her programming."

"I do not find that one bit funny, Dr. Cooper. However, since the MRI and other tests show no injuries or anomalies, we're discharging you to bed rest at your residence for at least 72-hours." He scribbled notes on his chart and then wrote a prescription for muscle relaxants. He figured that the 'Joker' would appreciate them once the pain and stiffness set in.

"And Dr. Koothrappali and Subject Winkle?"

"Dr. Koothrappali is explaining something to his lawyer and Dr. Winkle is being kept overnight for observation."

"You should run a full body scan on her. You'll be surprised at how far the science of robotics has come. For example, she requires doses of Castor Oil several times a day in order to prevent the overheating of certain hydraulic systems and don't be one bit alarmed if she denies it. _She _or more accurately, _it,_ is the hush-hush secret project we've been working on for the Marines. She believes she's human. Why, she can even produce tears!"

The doctor had heard about a 'secret project' being run out of CalTech, but a robot?

"Surely you're kidding me – again? A robot? That's a human being cussing and threatening to de-ball her doctor!"

"First, don't call me Shirley, and second, a robot is hardly descriptive of a corbomite alloy skeleton mimicking actual bone covered in synthetic 'skin' that resembles human tissue except under the strongest electron microscope and a brain that performs exactly like a human brain until it's mission programming kicks in."

"Keep her quiet and I'll have someone bring a truck by from the Project and fetch her tomorrow. Oh, and do not believe a single thing she says. She's programmed to be duplicitous and divisive. She was designed to infiltrate and destabilize enemy units. Her designation is 'Bitch Mark-1'."

"Very well. We'll keep her in the detention wing until a representative comes to pick her up. You can rest assured that I won't say a word about the secret you've shared with me. Thank you for trusting me."

"Just remember, 1 - 2 ounces of Castor Oil by mouth every few hours or she'll freeze up and screech like a howler monkey."

* * *

_**Author's Note: From Wikipedia - **__It is not a preferred treatment, because it can produce painful cramps, fecal incontinence and explosive diarrhea. Its action can go on for hours, sometimes unpredictably and powerfully causing an involuntary bowel movement at inconvenient locations and during sleep_.

_**Just sayin'**_

* * *

"I've noted your instructions on its chart. Can I do anything else for you, Dr. Cooper?"

"Yes. I would like copies of my MRI as well as that of the cyborg – for security and comparative purposes, of course."

"Of course. I'll have copies made to disc and have then delivered by bonded courier."

"Excellent!"


	14. Chapter 14

He was finally brought his discharge papers and given instructions for his 'after care' and told about dire consequences should he fail to abide by them.

Sheldon dressed in the same clothes he'd worn to work that morning and he was greatly vexed to discover that his beloved Green Lantern t-shirt had huge holes in it as did his favorite pair of 'chessboard' pants whether from the blast or his passage through the wall, he wasn't certain and really didn't care.

'_Let's review, shall we? Leslie Winkle failed to properly safeguard the project and her incompetence has led to serious delays and exposed my friend and I to grave danger. She must pay for her sloppiness. Castor Oil should provide both a clean colon and an attitude adjustment. Bazinga, Leslie! Who's the dumbass now?'_

He was still dizzy and tried to walk to the doorway but kept missing it. He spied a wheelchair just outside his room and hugged the wall until he was safely out of the room and into the hallway. Inching his way towards the wheelchair, he finally flopped down in it and sighed.

Feeling unusually evil and prone to pranks, he wheeled himself into a medical supply storage room to prepare for his grand entrance in the ER waiting room.

'_Well, they always did say I was one failed science experiment away from becoming an evil villain. Let's see how they like it…'_

* * *

Priya and Penny were both pelting Rajesh with questions that he couldn't answer. It wasn't that he didn't know the answers, it was his damned traumatic mutism at work since Penny was in his line of sight.

"Were any of you injured, Raj? Where is Sheldon? Is he hurt? Why isn't he on his feet if you are? And what about Winkle. Isn't that her I hear cursing?"

Winkle was screeching and hurling foul insults at the attendants who had manhandled her onto a gurney, strapped her down, forced 2 ounces of Castor oil down her throat and then tightened her 5-point restraints and pushed her gurney to the psych/detention section of the hospital.

He looked at Priya and made writing motions and she dug out a small pad and a pen from her purse.

"Really, Rajesh, it is just Penny whom you've known for almost 5 years. Here. Answer her questions and then I have some of my own."

He wrote that he was fine, sore and bruised but otherwise unharmed. Sheldon had preceded him through the office wall and provided both an opening for him to sail through as well as bearing the brunt of the ejection. He was currently being treated. Winkle was fine but Sheldon had plans for her. They wouldn't be seeing her for a while yet.

"Okay, Raj, thanks, sweetie. I'm going to call Sheldon's mother and tell her about the explosion. I'm glad you're okay, Raj." She planted one of her Penny Specials on his cheek and then walked out into the parking lot to make her call.

* * *

A nurse wheeled Sheldon out into the ER lobby and then patted his shoulder and looked at the group waiting for him. Their jaws were hanging open in shock. Sheldon Cooper's head was wrapped in gauze bandages and he was leaning to the side and moaning softly.

"Dr. Cooper was so brave. Now, which of you is Priya?"

"I am Priya Koothrappali and Sheldon is my fiancé. How is he?"

"Oh, he'll be fine. Bed rest for 72 hours and if he goes into convulsions again, just stick something in his mouth so he won't swallow his tongue. One more thing…"

Priya had started to cry for no reason at all. She could hardly stand to look at Sheldon, knowing he must be in severe pain. She turned her shark's gaze onto the poor nurse and started shouting at her.

"Why, if there is a risk of convulsions, are you releasing him? Are you mad? Here is one of the greatest minds of our time and you are just sending him home? What kind of hospital do you run here? In India he would be in intensive care, not being pushed out the door!"

Sheldon knew he'd gone too far. He hadn't wanted to upset Priya to the point of tears and he was touched by her 'greatest minds' comment.

He moaned her name and she rushed over to him and leaned down so that her face and his bandaged face were almost touching.

"Yes, Sheldon? What is it? Do you need anything?"

She was holding one of his hands and had the other on his shoulder. He whispered something that she couldn't quite hear and when she asked him to repeat it, he leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on her cheek and whispered "Bazinga!"

Priya stood up, her face ashen, and she began to cry in earnest. She had been so frightened for him and this…she remembered her brother's words from earlier: "Beware of the Bazinga!"

"You bastard! Here I was thinking you were dying and you Bazinga'd me! I shall never waste another tear on the likes of you!"

She turned to walk away but Sheldon stood and grabbed her upper arm and spun her around and into his arms and then wrapped her up in a tight embrace, all the while wondering what horrible germs were lurking in the lobby. After all, it was a hospital and healthy people came here to visit and frequently left with diseases incubating in their system.

"I'm sorry. It was my attempt at a joke. I apologize, Priya. I hate it when people cry. Please don't cry. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. I guess my idea of what's funny isn't shared by the masses."

"Well, you should feel uncomfortable. If you weren't already injured, I would hurt you, Sheldon. But you wait. You won't always be sore and black and blue and when you're healthy and least expect it…I will bring down the wrath of the goddess Mother Kali upon your head!"

"It certainly can't be worse than being shoved through a wall by a pulse of high energy and then having your brother land on me."

"Oh, you poor, poor man. Come here, Sheldon. I have something for you."

"You said you would wait until I was healthy, Priya, but the you _are_ a lawyer and do despicable things for a living."

"Lean down here, you big baby. You are far too tall and it will hurt my neck."

He leaned down half-expecting to be punched in the throat like Penny was fond of doing but instead, she pressed her soft lips against his unprepared ones and repeated her actions from the other evening.

He was surprised but quickly responded as he had that evening, concentrating on the softness of her lips, trying to mold his to hers, tempting her with the teasing tip of his tongue. He could feel the rush of her emotions and it was overwhelming: fear for him, affection and…lust?

She broke the kiss and murmured, "We have an audience, Sheldon-jaan, and I do not want my brother's tongue waggling in ears that shouldn't hear."

"I came here by ambulance. Did you drive, _jaanam_?" Sheldon was trying to 'center' himself emotionally after their passionate kiss. Her emotions had been raw and unbridled and his were still resonating hers.

"No, I was too upset. Penny drove me. She is in the parking lot calling your mother."

"Oh, good God, no! That woman will be on a plane and in my face in mere hours. We need to stop her, Priya. I do not wish to see my mother now or in the near future."

"Yes, I remember quite well you telling her to have Jesus come to Pasadena and be with me. You were quite forceful."

The couple was standing in each other's arms when Penny rushed back into the ER lobby and saw Sheldon and Priya hugging. She felt herself go numb with shock and disappointment. Winkle said things were going badly between them but it sure as hell didn't look like it from her vantage point.

When Priya turned around and saw Penny, she smiled at her and said, "He's okay, Penny, and has been released to bed rest at home. Can you please take us back to the apartment? And have I thanked you for all your help? I was so frightened."

"S-sure. Anytime you're ready. Sheldon, I'm so glad you weren't hurt. Your mom is going to fly in as soon as she can get a flight." She saw the tears on Priya's face and lost all hope of getting with Sheldon.

'_I wasted my time with Leonard when the man I should be with was just across the hall…'_

_**Author's Note: Don't despair. It'll just take a while. Personally, I think Sheldon/Priya might be pretty cool especially since in the program, she's with the whiner. **_

_**I just wish the writers would let Penny's character breathe freely. She seems so emotionally scattered and it's insulting to women, IMHO of course.**_

_**Reparata**_


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Sorry for the length and pls remember, my promise.

Reparata

* * *

By the time Penny drove back to the apartment, Sheldon's muscles had begun to stiffen in his back, shoulders and upper arms, the points of impact where his body met the laboratory wall and then the uncarpeted corridor floor. He had been told about the bruising by the doctor and now he wished he'd taken his advice and taken a pill before the short trip to the apartment building.

"Ladies, I'm going to need some assistance getting out of the car. My back – "

"We should have made Raj ride with us to the apartment. We could have used his help, Priya."

The girls managed to get him out of the car but he had trouble (and pain) when he attempted to stand upright so he walked, assisted, bent over like some old man with arthritis, and walked up the four flights of stairs to their apartment.

"Sheldon, as soon as you are able, take one of your pills they gave you and get in a hot bath. It will soothe the stiffness and once the pills kick in, you'll feel a lot better, sweetie."

Penny didn't want to leave him while he was in pain and discomfort. He hadn't left her when she'd been injured – twice - and she never really appreciated just how much his presence had mattered – until now.

* * *

Sheldon eased himself into the hot bath and sighed. He felt much better already. He'd been embarrassed when Priya followed him into the bathroom and insisted on helping him off with his shirt.

"Priya, I can manage the rest. Thank you for your assistance but I don't plan on bathing wearing the remnants of my favorite pants so…please excuse yourself."

Priya had gasped at the size and color of the bruises on Sheldon's back and shoulders. She decided then and there that after the bath, she would put hot, damp towels on his back to relieve whatever stiffness remained.

"Sheldon, call me if you need any assistance whatsoever. I shall…avert my glance from your nakedness…so do not be embarrassed to call me." She giggled at the look on his face not knowing that he was remembering Penny in her tub when she'd dislocated her shoulder.

'_The hero always peeks.'_

* * *

Priya walked across the hall to 4b and knocked and was surprised when Penny answered, her eyes swollen and red and puffy from crying.

"Penny, I just wanted to thank you again for all your help today. I don't know what I would have done without you. I know we've never been pleasant to one another but I would like to change that. I would like to be friends if only because Sheldon seems to think the world of you."

"He hasn't shown it lately. He's pretty much cut me out of his life. We hardly speak anymore and when we do he's abrupt and – "

"It's because you were with Leonard and engaged. Raj said he feels abandoned by his friends. He took Leonard's abrupt departure and the news of your engagement badly. Sometimes he can be such a little boy."

"The engagement is off. I don't want to see, hear, or speak to Leonard Hofstadter ever again so feel free to do whatever you like about it. He still has feelings for you and I can't compete. If you don't mind, I'd like to be left alone right now."

She gently closed the door in Priya's face and went back to her half-gallon of Ben & Jerry's, the one thing in life she could always depend on to make her feel less like a loser. It was comfort food.

'_Penny has feelings for Sheldon! Why else would she be crying? Certainly not over Leonard and so what if Leonard still has 'feelings' for me? I do not share his desires. I have a career to manage and a mess of my personal life to clean up. Perhaps I should talk to Sheldon-jaan. I will. After I fix this mess.'_

She didn't notice how often her mind provided her with the affectionate '_jaan_' when she thought of him. The mind is a sneaky thing and, in league with the heart, is capable of almost anything.

* * *

Her laptop was ringing with the Skype alert and she hurried back in to connect. She knew it was her mother and father calling to check on Rajesh and Sheldon.

"Priya, how is he? Your brother just called and told us that he's been released from hospital but nothing about Dr. Cooper! Why are you home when you should be by his bedside?"

"He is home, confined to bed rest for 72 hours. He is stiff and sore and his back is bruised so badly that I do not know how he can walk at all. He is soaking in a hot tub and when he is finished, I plan on putting warm, damp towels on his back to further ease the stiffness."

"That is good. You could also rub muscle relaxant creams into his skin. It will make you both feel better. Now that he is alive and well, what are you travel plans, Priya?"

'_Nag, nag, nag. The woman has a one-track mind.'_

* * *

"Sheldon, are you okay in there? Isn't the water getting cold by now?" Priya stood outside the bathroom talking through the door. She called his name several times and finally just opened the door and walked in.

The combination of hot water and medication was very effective and Sheldon had fallen asleep in the tub. He had slipped down in the tub until the water was almost up to his chin. His long legs were bent at the knees and out of the water.

She knelt down beside the tub and whispered his name, not wanting to startle him but when it became apparent that not even loudly calling his name stirred him, she became concerned.

Once again she stood at the door of 4b needing Penny's help. "Penny, it's Priya. I need help. Sheldon's in the bath and is unresponsive. I have to – "

The door flew open and Penny almost ran her over getting to 4a. "Well, move it, Priya! Is he unconscious? Is he breathing okay?" She charged past Priya and headed over to 4a.

"He's either deeply, deeply asleep or…or he's unconscious."

"Well, shit! How many of those pills did he take? He's so careful about any drugs in his system! He's paranoid about them. Won't even take aspirin, claiming he requires 'spring pure blood' to exist."

"He followed the directions on the container so he took two." They were standing just outside the bathroom when they heard Sheldon sigh and then chuckle.

Sheldon was dreaming…a sex dream. Both Penny and Priya were in bed with him and he was having the time of his life loving and being loved by two such beautiful women and for once not having to guard his emotions.

Penny said, "We've got to get him out of there even if he's out cold but I thought I heard him laugh. The cold water won't do his injuries any good at all. Look, I'll grab one arm and you grab the other and we'll pull him upright and then I'll hold him and you wrap towels around him."

That was the plan but both women stopped when they 'inadvertently' checked out Sheldon's package – his rather erect and throbbing one.

"Are you certain those were muscled relaxants and not Viagra? I mean – look at him, I mean, it!"

"Those were obviously inferior muscle relaxants, Penny. Hoo, his lingam is…" She fanned herself with her hands.

"His what?" She looked at Priya like she was speaking another language and she was.

"His…thing…member…dick…you know, his lingam."

Just then Sheldon mumbled, "Oh, Priya-jannam, you taste so sweet…"

Penny felt tears begin to burn the backs of her eyes and she felt…betrayed somehow. _'Damn it, he's dreaming about…going down on her! I didn't think Sheldon even knew what was 'down' there.'_

Priya felt herself redden in embarrassment. "Penny, I promise you, we've never been intimate except for the kiss. He's obviously dream – "

"Mmm, Penny, baby, that's right, right there… Mmm…"

"My word, Penny, it's an orgy going on in Sheldon's dream! He seems so…asexual…"

Penny pointed to his 'member' and said, "That's _so_ not asexual, Priya. The crazy Whack-a-doodle's just shy and inexperienced. Damn shame, too."

Sheldon stunned them both into silence when he sighed and whispered, "I love you both so much…"

They managed to get him upright and while Penny held him against her, Priya wrapped a towel around his waist and the two of them half-dragged him to his room and into bed.

"Thank you, Penny. Once again you've been our savior. I'll just dry him off and then put warm towels I have sitting on the oven door on his bruises."

"Need any help?" The two women looked at each other and then at the man lying in bed on his stomach. Neither one wanted to leave him alone at the moment. Certainly not leave him alone with the _other_ one, especially not with him naked and vulnerable, his cute butt exposed until Priya covered him with a sheet.

Stalemate.


	16. Chapter 16

Sheldon slept on in ignorance of the battle of wills being fought over access to him. Neither woman would give an inch.

"Penny, thank you for your help. I can take it from here."

"No, that's okay. Sheldon stayed with me when I dislocated my shoulder and again when I lacerated my arm. I'll just sit here and meditate and be available should he need _any_thing at all. Just go about your busy business. I'm sure your firm needs you, Priya."

"You meditate? You?" She found it hard to believe that an airhead like the blonde occupying Sheldon's bedroom had the attention span to do so.

"Yep. Learned to do it in acting class. Also I'm into yoga so I can just sit here and visit a 'higher plane' while you take on the legal battles of Pasadena."

Penny narrowed her eyes and fixed Priya with her death glare. "And if he needs anything at all, I'm just the girl to provide it."

Sensing defeat, Priya opted for a less obvious tactic. "Very well, I'll fetch the moist hot towels. I suppose they'll need refreshed from time to time and you could probably handle it without blowing it. It will be good preparation should you opt for domestic service or work in a motel."

* * *

While Priya sat at her desk answering the myriad of messages and voicemails that had accumulated; Penny was busy keeping hot towels on Sheldon's back. He'd slipped into normal sleep a few hours before and was now half awake, taking in his surroundings.

He sighed when he felt the moist and warm towels on his back. He was in heaven. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times, focusing on the woman who was easing into a full lotus position on the floor beside his bed.

"Penny." One word. A small coin. The object of his desires and the reason for his estrangement from his friends. No. Incorrect. His jealousy and broken heart were the reasons for his estrangement, not Penny.

"You're awake. I'd ask how you're feeling but it would be useless, right? Everyone knows Dr. Sheldon Cooper, PhD, has no feelings."

She hadn't meant to put it that way or to allow the tinge of bitterness to color her response. She had been thinking about Sheldon's behavior since she and Leonard started dating again and about how he seemed to withdraw from her, avoiding laundry nights, spending more time at work and missing group dinners.

It had only gotten worse when Leonard had callously announced that he and Penny were engaged and that he was moving out.

Sheldon looked like he'd been struck. _'What does she expect me to say? I suppose there's some social covenant that applies but I have no clue what it is.'_

How was he feeling? Abandoned. Alone. Discarded. Forgotten. Unloved. Confused. Tempted.

So, as he had done his entire life when presented with a social conundrum, he opted for silence. Better to have her think what she wants rather than make things worse by opening his mouth and blurting out the truth. He closed his eyes and turned his head away from her.

"Sheldon…" Whatever she was going to say was interrupted by a knocking at the apartment door. She unfolded herself from her yoga pose and rose and padded into the living room.

* * *

"Ma'am, we'd like to see Dr. Sheldon Cooper. It's our understanding that he was released to bed rest by the hospital earlier today. We're from the FBI."

"_FBI?_ Is Sheldon in some kind of trouble?" They were going to drag her Moon Pie off to some dank dungeon and she'd never see him again. She started to hyperventilate and one the agents took pity on her.

"Ma'am, we need to know about the experiment at CalTech. He and two other scientists were almost killed and the fire fighters found some strange fragments that our labs have determined were from some kind of incendiary device. Please, we need to speak with Dr. Cooper."

"Just a minute. He's in bed. It'll take me a few minutes to get him dressed."

"Ma'am, we can interview him in his room if that's okay with you? And what is your relationship to Dr. Cooper?"

"I'll ask him. He's normally very picky about people in his room. Just a moment." She walked back to Sheldon's room but heard the last comment made by one of the FBI agents.

"Man, if I had her around, I'd want to spend all day in bed, too."

* * *

"Sheldon, there are two FBI agents here and they need to talk with you. Can I bring them in?"

"No. No one comes into my room. I'll just get dressed and be out in a few minutes." He struggled to get up and finally managed to get himself seated on the edge of the bed. His towel had slipped and once again Penny peeked.

"Okay. Call me if you need any help. I'll go make some coffee for them and tea for you."

"You're in my spot." He motioned the FBI agent away from his spot on the leather couch and eased himself down into it, gasping when his back touched the back cushion.

Sheldon was wearing sleep pants, a t-shirt and a robe and slippers. It was all he could manage to do before the pain became too much to bear. He really needed more of those pills.

"Here, sweetie." Penny handed him a bottle of water and two pain pills. She had anticipated his needs and he half-smiled in appreciation.

The interview was brief and to the point.

"We found pieces of a crude electronic device we believe triggered the failure of the power unit."

"Do you know anyone who would wish to disrupt your project?" No, he didn't.

"Have you been in contact with any foreign nationals lately who might have designs on the project data?" No.

"What about Priya Koothrappali?" She was his fiancé and had no interest whatsoever in his work or his life outside of their relationship.

"Thank you for your time, Dr. Cooper. Your work is critical and any unusual events or contacts should be reported immediately. We will interview Drs. Winkle and Koothrappali – any relation to your fiancé?"

"Her brother and my best friend."

"Thank you for your time."

Penny ushered the FBI agents out and then sat down beside Sheldon in 'her' spot. At least it was hers before the breakup triggered by Leonard's blunt announcement that 'I'm marrying Penny. We're engaged. I'm moving in with her'. That was the last time she'd seen Sheldon for a while and she would never forget the look on his face – grief.

"What's going on, Sheldon? Are you in danger? My God, someone tried to kill you!"

"There, there, Penny. Don't get upset. I'm sure Raj will hyperventilate enough for all of us combined. Poor Winkle."

"Poor Winkle?"

"Her interview will be rather…explosive." He laughed his patented evil villain laugh and Penny hugged herself in response to the sudden chill she felt.

She whispered, "Oh, Moon Pie, what have you done now?"


	17. Chapter 17

**Ya get a two-fer the weekend. That means you review 2x in recognition of my sacrifices.**

**Reparata**

* * *

_She whispered, "Oh, Moon Pie, what have you done now?"_

"You told them what?" She was trying not to laugh but the way he told it made it one of the funniest tales of 'Bazinga!' that she'd ever heard.

"Penny, weren't you listening? I told them that Leslie was the super-secret project at the University – a cybernetic being we were designing and building for the Marines. I implied that her 'joints' required lubrication, thus the Castor oil.'

"Winkle is going to kill you, Sheldon!"

"Not for a while. I have a week at least to plan the confrontation. You do know that the psych/detention wing at the hospital is under 24-hour surveillance, don't you? As we sit here, all comfy, Winkle is being video recorded for security reasons. Can you guess what system Raj is hacking into right now?" He laughed, delighted with his own wit.

"_**Bwahaha**_!"

The hair stood up on her arms and the back of her neck when Sheldon laughed. It had a maniacal timbre to it and she was certain she'd never heard it before in his pig-snort laughs of the past. Even his smile was different and seemed calmly menacing if the two adjectives were compatibly accurate. She wasn't sure.

Unconsciously, she eased off the couch and sat in the chair across from him, seeking distance.

"Penny, of all people, you have nothing to fear from me. Despite your erroneous and ill-thought contentions that I have no feelings, I do. I just choose to suppress them. It's a defense mechanism that I've availed myself of to ensure that no one gets in the position ever again to hurt me emotionally."

She opened her mouth to say something, anything to calm him but he kept on with his 'speech', the pace and volume of his words increasing as he spoke.

"All of you think I'm an asexual and emotionless drone whose only love in life are trains, comic books, and Physics, don't you?" She looked away, unable to meet his gaze because he was right – it was what she thought.

He stood up slowly and painfully straightened out his long frame and then shambled over and leaned down, his palms resting of the arms of the easy chair Penny sat in. His face was only inches from hers and his eyes held hers like a snake pinning a bird in place with its gaze. The angle was killing his back so he knelt down, grimacing, without breaking eye contact and she almost smiled when his knees cracked.

"To quote the Bard of Avon, 'If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?' I feel, Penny, and I care about people, some more than others."

His lips found hers and it was as if the entire world had just disappeared leaving her and Sheldon alone. She had never felt lips like his before; warm, conforming themselves to hers and then she felt the sudden warmth flowing from them down through her skin and body to ignite a molten ball of pure hot pleasure in her loins.

She didn't know if the moan she heard was hers or his but the hands that were cupping her face were definitely his and the warm tongue that was caressing her lower lip was most definitely his. She opened her mouth but - he broke off the kiss and the whimper was definitely hers.

Her emotional response to the kiss was still resonating within him: lust, desire perhaps tinged with love but also a sense of guilt and frustration that he attributed to her feeling disloyal to Leonard.

"No! Don't stop, Sheldon," she pleaded breathlessly. She reached for him but he leaned back and fixed her with his stare.

"Don't touch me, Penny. I don't like people touching me. The 'germ thing' is a mere façade to protect me and I revel in the security and relief it gives me."

"Sheldon! Listen, no one has ever kissed me like you did. It was wonderful and I want another. Hell, I want hundreds of kisses like that, thousands, millions… please, Sheldon…"

His response was whispered and his face contorted in pain because of it. "No. You felt guilty. I sensed it. You're just upset and jealous because he still has some residual feelings for Priya. Even though I hate that you love him, you need to forgive him and try to work things out – "

"No! No, you stupid dolt! I feel guilty for stringing Leonard along when it was you I really had feelings for but you were always so damned…distant and aloof and emotionally closed off. I gave up on ever being with you. You were always belittling me, fighting me every step of the way and God forbid I suggest a change in your precious routine. Leonard was open and vulnerable and available…and when I saw you with Priya and Leonard gave me his half-assed answer…I was crushed and jealous, yes, of _you, _so I dumped Leonard because I wanted you, Moon Pie…"

* * *

Priya parked her car in her designated spot and walked up the stairway to their apartment. Things were moving quickly in her workplace and she was being recalled to Delhi to the Home Office for consultations. She needed Sheldon to accompany her for both business and personal reasons.

Her supervising partner, a conservative Hindu man in his 50s, had basically told her that a single woman operating in the environment that her new assignment required was 'socially awkward' and the firm was reconsidering her involvement but when she responded that she was 'engaged to be married in the summer', he was ecstatic and immediately invited her and her 'young man' to dinner that very evening.

"Mr. Asimatupalli, Sheldon was injured last evening in a laboratory explosion at CalTech. He is confined to bed rest. Perhaps another time?"

Her boss stared at her, the temptation to 'call her bluff' won out and he said, "If he can lie around in bed, he can sit around in a restaurant. I want to meet him, and I want to meet him tonight. Make it happen. I will have my assistant contact you with reservation information."

* * *

Priya unlocked the door to 4A and stepped in and stopped dead. Sheldon was on his knees and it was obvious that he and Penny were in some sort of personal 'issue' discussion and she felt a frisson of jealousy shake her to the core.

"Sheldon-jaan, you should not be stressing your back so. Penny, you said you would watch out for him. Is this what you call it?"

"Penny and I were discussing her feelings for Leonard. I feel fine. Those wonderful pills and that massage and hot towels did the trick. No, I am not ready to do hand-springs but I feel much better."

"Good. May I speak with you in private? In our bedroom?" She emphasized 'our' and glared at Penny.

"Never mind. I have things to do. We can talk more after _she_ is done with you. We've only scratched the surface, Moon Pie." Penny got up and left the apartment. She had plans to make.

* * *

"Sheldon, once again my status as a single woman has been called into question as it affects my abilities to perform my job and I may lose a choice role in a major project. My boss, an old-line conservative, thinks it 'inappropriate' for a single woman to be traveling and dealing with principals in this project."

"They are questioning your morality and ethics? Women compete with men all the time." He tried to stand but was having problems getting his legs to work properly. They'd fallen asleep. Priya helped him up and to his spot on the couch.

"Sheldon, he does not believe that I am engaged. He thinks you're a straw man that I've created for my own purposes. He wants to meet you."

"That's fine, Priya. I'll be back to 'normal' in a day or two and – "

"No, Sheldon, tonight! He wants to meet you tonight at dinner. I told him about the accident but he was most insistent about – "

"Help me up and…if you don't mind…help me dress and I'll take a dose of those marvelous pills and we'll go."

Priya looked at him with wide eyes. The total commitment to their strange 'relationship' surprised her. Was it a commitment to them or to his sense of what was right? She was only sure of one thing – her boss could go to hell and her Sheldon was going back to bed.

"No. Your health is more important than – "

"That is very considerate of you, Priya, but I will not be responsible for you not achieving your career goals. I myself would be greatly offended if something you chose not to do cost me my Nobel Prize, so…live with it. Now, please help me up and then…oh, Lord, I can't believe I'm asking this of you but…help me dress?"


	18. Chapter 18

**I forgot I'll be out of town for the next few days so here's the 'interesting' one leading up to some steamy scenes that you'll just have to wait for. Should be back Wed/Thu but uncertain.**

* * *

"You look very distinguished, Sheldon," said Priya as she finished tying his tie. She allowed her palms to glide down his chest before turning and holding up his suit coat for him.

"Thank you, Priya. I appreciate the compliment as well as the assistance with the tie. I don't know why men wear such silly adornments. Did you know that the cravat is a derivation from the fur stoles and collars worn by the upper class to attract fleas and tics and lice?"

Priya shuddered and then looked up at him. The 14-inch difference in their heights made looking up at him almost painful when they were standing this close.

"Sheldon-jaan, only you could make such a comment and think nothing about it. Now, if you will just sit in your spot, I'll finish putting on my face."

"Face? Priya, I – "

"I mean makeup, dear Sheldon. Do you think these eyes that appear to be so huge and these lashes so long are natural attributes?"

His mouth opened and then closed almost with a snap. He _had_ thought that. He sighed and leaned back into the couch. There was so much he didn't know about women and _this _woman constantly challenged what little knowledge he did possess. His boundaries were expanding at an exponential rate and he surprised himself by looking forward to the next surge of information.

Priya giggled at his consternation and went to finish her makeup. It occurred to her that Sheldon had never seen her without makeup, the closest being when she and Leonard had been caught trying to sneak her out of their apartment before he awakened.

_'I wonder if he would be repelled by the real me? My eyes would still be large for my face and my full lips have a natural redness to them and my skin is soft and virtually blemishless. I would hope he would still find me attractive._'

Her musings surprised her. Sheldon's approval seemed to be more and more important to her after living with him for more than a month. Her panic yesterday when she knew nothing about his condition after the explosion had surprised her. What really surprised her was how she'd worried more about Sheldon than her own brother.

Finishing quickly, she walked into her bedroom and shucked the robe she was wearing and selected her panty-bra combination and then the 'little black dress' that would complete her ensemble. It displayed more cleavage than she normally presented except on a date but she wanted Sheldon to see her as a desirable woman if only to pique his interest and attention in front of her boss.

After all, she couldn't kiss him in front of her boss to allay any suspicions as she had done in front of her parents. _'Not that I would mind another kiss such as that first and only one. If my parents had not been watching via Skype, who knows what might have happened?'_

She put on her best high heels and walked out into the living room and pirouetted in front of him. "What do you think, Sheldon?"

Sheldon had taken his pills but had added one more than his normal two. He didn't know how long they'd be out and he knew that between the car ride, getting into and out of the car, walking to the restaurant and sitting through dinner, he'd need relief.

Sheldon broke out into a huge smile when Priya turned before him. She was truly one of the most beautiful women he'd ever seen and he was momentarily stunned.

"Sheldon, are you feeling okay?" She saw the smile but he didn't say anything and she wondered if she was displaying 'too much skin' and he disapproved but wasn't saying so.

He reached his hand up and she took it, figuring that he needed assistance to rise from the couch but he pulled her down onto his lap and she let out a quiet 'Eeek' at his move. His arms wrapped around her and he pressed his lips to hers and once again she felt transported into a state of blissful hunger.

His tongue glided across her lips and she parted them and allowed his to slip into her mouth and glide around her own. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself against him and her own tongue fenced with his aggressively.

His palm and fingertips set little fires on the bare skin of her back as he slipped his hand under her hair and caressed her neck. He broke the kiss abruptly and looked at her and the said, "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. I – I haven't ever…I mean…"

"Don't you dare apologize, Sheldon-_jaan_. I've wanted to experience your kiss again just to be sure the first time wasn't a fluke and I want nothing more than to take this to our bedroom but…we must go, _jaan."_

She slipped off his lap and straightened her dress and pulled him onto his feet. Her hands were suddenly warm and that warmth spread up her arms and then over her chest and she swore her skin was tingling all over.

She whispered almost pleadingly, "Please, Sheldon, we must not be late but I promise you a most delightful dessert once we're back in our apartment." She took him by the hand and led him out of the apartment.

* * *

She helped him into her BMW and then drove to the restaurant. "Priya, did you know that couples who marry in January, February or March have the highest divorce rate."

His comment came out of the blue and it surprised her. She looked over at him and noticed how his eyes seemed hooded and she wondered if he was in pain. "Which couples have the lowest divorce rate, Sheldon?" It was the obvious question.

He looked over at her and she noted the slightly unfocused look he gave her and then his bright smile took her breath away.

"Those who don't marry, of course. Really, Priya…"

She laughed at his attempt at humor and his typically-Sheldon comment.

She grew bold as they stopped at a red light and leaned over the console and kissed him lightly on the lips. "And what about couples who marry in July or August?"

"I suppose it depends." That was all he said for the remainder of the drive.

* * *

"Namaste, Mr. Asimatupalli. I am Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Priya's fiancé." Sheldon made the traditional greeting, palms together with fingertips pointing upwards as if praying.

"Namaste, Dr. Cooper. Priya has kept your existence a secret from us." He looked at Priya and Sheldon recognized the look in his eyes. It was like he was removing her clothing with his eyes.

"Sheldon and I – "

"Priya wanted to wait until we went to India and became formally betrothed in front of her family and friends before any announcement but…events and narrow-minded people made that impossible."

Priya gasped to herself but her boss, rather than being offended, was in agreement with him.

"Yes, I apologize for forcing her hand but we deal with some rather conservative and 'old fashioned' clients and a single woman traveling alone or in concert with male associates is 'scandalous' to them. I find your acceptance of some Indian cultural nuances rather refreshing, actually. Few Westerners appreciate our traditions."

"Mr. Asimatupalli, few Westerners are in love with as beautiful a woman as Priya Koothrappali."

To Sheldon Cooper it was a general statement, certainly true on its face, but to Priya it was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her and deep down where little Priya kept her childhood secrets, she wished it were true.

"And yet, Dr. Cooper, I see no engagement ring. Surely, Dr. Cooper, you've given her one."

"Priya, where is your ring, sweetheart?" He used the term without reservation, steeling himself for whatever reason she provided for its absence. He knew he should have purchased one but – "

"I didn't wear it out of force of habit, Sheldon." She placed her warm palm over his and he immediately felt calmer but sensed her discomfort at the situation.

"I think, Priya, that in the future you should wear the ring now that Mr. Asimatupalli is aware of the change in your relationship status. There is no reason to keep it hidden."

The meal was excellent and the conversation was carried by Priya and her boss and dealt mostly with the upcoming travel to India as well as the status of negotiations with the company desiring the acquisition.

"I'm sure this is all very esoteric to you, Dr. Cooper, but it's a rare instance when she and I can converse outside the office." He had noticed how distant Sheldon had become as the conversation dealt with finance and legal maneuvers.

"Not at all. I'm just – " Priya had noticed his squirming and how he didn't lean back once in his chair. She reached into her clutch bag and handed him two pills. "Here. You're past due for your meds. Are you in much pain? We can leave if you are."

"I'm fine. Just stiffening up a bit. If neither of you mind, perhaps I could take a turn around the outdoor garden to alleviate it."

He stood up carefully, leaned down and pressed a quick kiss against her cheek and then walked out through French doors into the torch-lit garden. He needed to work out the kinks in his back from sitting too long.

* * *

Priya found him sitting in front of a water garden feeding several hungry Koi bits of bread. Her boss had droned on and on for nearly an hour before calling for the check and wishing her a good evening.

"There you are. I'm sorry for taking so long but he wanted to cover so many topics. How are you holding up, Sheldon? Are you ready to go home?"

He patted a spot on the bench and she sat down and took some pieces from his palm and joined him in feeding the hungry fish.

"I don't think I made a very good first impression on your boss."

"On the contrary, he said he was quite impressed with you and how you handled our situation. I was quite impressed also, Sheldon. You deftly turned all his inquiries into harmless questions with your general answers."

"Tomorrow is Saturday. We need to go out and get you a proper ring, Priya. I don't want people at work questioning your status regardless of Mr. Asimatupalli's opinions."

"Sheldon, that's not necessary." Secretly, little girl Priya was thrilled at the prospect. Grown up Priya was curious about the reasons he decided that now was the time to get a ring.

"Yes, it is." He took her hand in his and when she leaned against him he sighed and put his arm around her. They sat there for a few minutes and finally Priya stood and helped him to his feet.

"Let's get you home, Sheldon. You need a hot soak and a massage. Thank you for doing this. It is very im – "

His lips were on hers and she melted into him, losing herself in the heat of the moment. He broke off the kiss and said, "Your height makes kissing you standing up painful and I can't concentrate. Let's go home, sweetheart."

* * *

Priya's mind was racing as she drove home. He'd been incredibly attentive to her during dinner and her boss had no idea of the deception but his kiss in the garden reminded her of 'dessert' and she wondered just how far she could push him before he stopped himself.

Sheldon was quiet during the drive home. His mind was jumping uncontrollably from topic to topic, image to image, memory to memory. Five pills in the space of 3 or 4 hours had hit him like a ton of bricks and his normal defenses were in total disarray.

In layman's terms, Sheldon 'My Blood is Spring Pure' Cooper was higher than a kite.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: I was a little angry when I wrote this…does it show?

* * *

_In layman's terms, Sheldon 'My Blood is Spring Pure' Cooper was higher than a kite._

Priya was surprised when Sheldon unfolded himself from her car without the need for assistance. She was even more surprised when he took her hand and led her up the stairs to the fourth floor without the usual groaning.

She was shocked when he stopped at the door of their apartment and took the keys from her hand and then whispered, "I believe it is a social contract clause or codicil that dictates that a 'good night kiss' is rendered at the door before parting. Although we live together, I believe the contract terms still apply."

His Vulcan-like hearing had enabled him to hear Leonard's voice coming from Penny's apartment. He recognized the words and the groans from the many nights he'd had to them having coitus. _'I guess she was telling the truth about one thing – I am a dolt! Well, not any more. I have an IQ of 187 and I can learn, Penny, and not make the same mistake of ever believing any thing you ever say to me again.'_

The kiss was on her forehead and she sighed. '_What did I expect? This is Sheldon Cooper holding me in his arms.'_

They parted in the living room, her to her bedroom and him to his. Priya hurried to undress and throw on a nightshirt and then help Sheldon disrobe and get into a hot bath to soothe his back.

The strapless bra she wore had left marks on her skin that she ignored as she hung up her dress. She was still standing in the closet opening when Sheldon's hands wrapped around her, cupping her breasts and rubbing his thumb over her nipples.

Her gasp of surprise was swallowed when she felt his lips on her exposed neck, gently caressing it with his lips and tongue. Priya's knees seemed to buckle and Sheldon's arms went around her waist, saving her from an embarrassing moment.

"Sheldon, what are you doing to me?" she whispered, knowing full well exactly what he was doing.

"Any thing I want, _jaanam,_ and any thing you want." His voice was husky with desire and she knew that the crotch of her panties would be moist with her own evidence of desire within seconds. His voice sent shivers down her spine and when he resumed caressing her breasts, she had to stop him. Things were getting way out of hand.

She turned within the circle of his arms and wrapped her own arms around his waist and laid her cheek on his chest.

"Sheldon, I don't think we're ready for this. Your back – "

"Hush. You think too much." He felt her hesitation but her passion won out. He could feel her desire rise and his smile was genuine.

Sheldon backed them up until he felt her queen-sized mattress against the back of his knees and he sat down holding her about the waist so that she remained standing. He began pressing soft kisses across her collarbones and then down her arm until he reached her hand. She was trembling like a leaf and when he pressed a kiss and sucked on her palm she felt her panties moisten with the juices of her desire for him.

He seemed to know every one of her 'special' places and his hands seemed to be everywhere on her body, stimulating her nerve endings and making her shiver with each new touch.

He cupped her buttocks and latched on to her right nipple and began gently suckling and she arched her back in pleasure and brought her own hands into the game, running her fingertips lightly through his hair and then over his back and sides and then to his neck.

"Sheldon, we must…stop this…please!" She had seen the horrible bruises on his back and felt all desire shrivel as a result. She could not imagine the pain he must be feeling…

He felt her desire abruptly dissipate, replaced by concern and sympathy. His sigh carried his own message to her. The narcotics in his system depressed his normal degree of self control and seemed to open a floodgate of emotions and desires over which he had little control. On one level he was screaming at himself saying 'No! No!' but it was such a low level that his conscious self ignored it.

He'd once heard his brother George say, 'A stiff prick has no conscience'. It was probably why there was a 'Registered Sex Offender' sign in his mother's front yard.

"Your back…lie back down and let me pleasure you, jaanam. But first…"

She stood and shucked off her black lace panties, kicking them somewhere in the bedroom. Then she turned on a lamp that was covered with a scarf and hurried to turn off the bedroom ceiling light.

She stood between his legs and ran one fingertip up his briefs-encased lingam that was fully engorged and throbbing in time with his heartbeat. He was wearing Superman briefs and as she outlined the 'S' symbol with a fingernail she thought, _'How appropriate!'_

"Lie down beside me, Priya. I haven't finished my exploration of your sweet – "

There was a banging at the apartment door and both of the would-be lovers cursed and while Priya threw on sweats, Sheldon went to his room, pulled on sleep pants and a t-shirt and answered the door.

* * *

"Sheldon, where is my sister? She hasn't answered my calls and it is – "

"What is it, Rajesh? You sound – "

"Mummy called via Skype. Daddy has suffered a coronary and is in bad shape and she wishes her children to be with her during this traumatic period. We must fly to India as soon as possible!"

Priya began to cry and Sheldon gestured to Raj to comfort her. He found his cell phone and then Googled the Indian national carrier figuring, correctly, that it would have the most numerous flights to Delhi.

He felt strangely detached from what was occurring around him and that part of his mind that was pure genius kicked in and banished any OCD or weirdo traits and he became a force of intellect to be feared.

"Hello, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper and I require 3 seats on your next available flight to Delhi or Mumbai with connections to Delhi. My fiancé's father has suffered a heart attack and we are flying to be with him in Delhi."

Sheldon listened intently and then requested the woman's supervisor snarking that if he wanted to arrange a flight to maximize the discounts he would be glad to wait and book a month in advance. "This is an emergency and money is hardly the issue. I want – let me speak with your supervisor this instant!"

Raj and Priya were consoling one another but Priya was listening to Sheldon demand seats due to 'extenuating circumstances' and she couldn't help but be relieved that he was the one handling things. People found it difficult to work around Sheldon when he made up his mind.

"Yes, as I told your minion, I require 3 tickets on the next available flight to Delhi or to Mumbai with proper connections through to Delhi. It is a medical emergency."

It took two additional levels of supervision and finally Sheldon had 3 first class tickets on the early morning flight from LAX to Delhi with stops in DC and Heathrow. He gave the VP his AMEX card information and apologized for bothering him at home and wished him goodnight.

"Get your bags packed and your affairs in order. Our flight leaves at 4am and that means we have less than 5 hours. Raj, go home, call your mother, pack and bring your car and luggage back here. We'll leave from here after Priya-jaanam and I make arrangements with our respective employers to be absent."

* * *

His thoughts again became disjointed and he felt a moment of real fear for the first time in 14 years. _'Am I displacing again?'_

He felt a surge of need. He needed to see Penny and explain his absence and provide her with a modicum of support. He grabbed the emergency key to apartment 4B and walked across the hallway carefully counting his steps, finding comfort in the act.

His thoughts were random and seemed to have minds of their own. _'Mrs. Cooper, your son is not insane – yet…'_ That's what the doctors at Texas A&M Medical Center had told a fearful Mary Cooper after a competency exam required by the Juvenile Court judge.

Sheldon had assembled a death ray that melted in the garage after sending a beam of coherent light down the street, burning a 10cm hole through several parked cars, including a County Sheriff's cruiser that was making a routine pass through the neighborhood. He'd 'been curious about lasers' was what he told the Social Worker.

He knocked as he always did. He had a strange thought waft through his mind – why didn't he use the shiny thing in his hand? Penny opened the door and glared at him. She'd been drinking and the smell of the Tequila Shooters she'd imbibed turned his stomach. Her face was flushed and her lipstick smeared a bit. He noticed that the hand holding her drink was again adorned with the cheap engagement ring Leonard had bought at a pawnshop.

And there sat Leonard, his shirt pulled out of his pants and half unbuttoned looking for all the world like the cat that ate the crow, his pathetic symbol of manhood peeking out of his pants as he lay half-sprawled across Penny's couch.

"Penny, I must fly to India with Priya. I shall miss you. Please avail yourself of anything in the apartment that you might need. There's $500 in the Hulk Gloves I won from Raj and it's yours should you require it. I must fly to India with Priya and Raj. The food in the refrigerator will spoil so have at it. Oh, and there's $500 smackers in the Hulk Gloves and…"

"Sheldon! You're repeating yourself, sweetie. Come in and...are you…have you been drinking? Your eyes are unfocused and…holy shit! You're high! Have you been abusing your medication? Where the fuck was Priya when you…"

He looked past her at Leonard who was trying to zip up his zipper without looking too damned smug. Obviously he'd interrupted something physical between the two.

"We were at dinner with her boss, Mr. Assimasomethingorother. And then we were kissing and, oh, I should kiss you goodbye since it is the convention of things when one leaves someone they have desired forever but can't have, correct? Well, I believe it is true and since I know everything worth knowing, it must be true. C'mere. Pucker up. No, on second thought, considering where your mouth has recently been…"

"Sheldon Lee Cooper, I'm not 'puckering up' for you, not when you're not yourself. I – "

"Oh, Raj told you, did he? Well, since the cat's out of the bag so to speak, I am me for all intents and purposes. I mean, if I weren't me, who would I be? Penny, you've been drinking again, haven't you? How many times must I – "

Penny took him by the hand saying, "I'll be back, Leonard, and we will um, talk, yeah, we'll talk," and led a docile and suddenly sleepy Sheldon over to his own apartment and then pushed him down onto 'his spot'. Her mind was racing and she knew Sheldon Cooper well enough to know that if he remembered what he saw in her apartment and then what she'd told him in this very spot, he'd know her for what she really was – a woman desperate to have a man permanently in her life.

"Sheldon, you need to get a grip on yourself. Where the hell is that Hindu Heartbreaker? I need to have a short conversation with her."

"Don't. Her father is dying and we're all going to India. I told you that, didn't I? Oh, the fridge is yours and there's $500 bucks hidden in Hulk's Hands but it would please me to no end if you would use it for something other than shoes or booze. I don't want you sitting in the dark freezing to death should you not pay the light bill again. It would pain me greatly to have to identify your mummified remains. Oh, and congratulations and all that social convention crap…"

His eyes were half-closed. The sincerity in his voice made her wonder why she never realized until it was too damned late just how dear a man he was.

He started to snore and she felt her heart snap knowing that she'd never hear that sweet sound in her own ear as they lay in bed together.

Penny walked out of the apartment, muttering under her breath that she could never win him over now that he'd seen Leonard half-undressed with his dick out in her apartment. He started to get 'physical' and had half her clothes off under the guise of 'let's talk it out, Penny'.

And she'd let him, damn it. She'd been lonely and knowing that Sheldon and the Hindu Harlot were probably going to go at it like horny monkeys had made her vulnerable to Leonard's 'let's talk' text in the first place.

She balled up her fists and prepared to go all out Junior Rodeo on his squinty little ass and saw the ring. _'That little bastard! He put the ring on me when…'_. That explained Sheldon's out-of-nowhere congratulations.

She was never going to settle a dwarfish myopic insecure user like Leonard. Somewhere out there was _her_ 'Sheldon Cooper', and she would be a nun until she found him.

"Leonard, put your wee willie away and get the fuck out of my life!"

"But, but, Pennyyyyyyyy, I love y – " Her punch to his stomach stopped his whining.

"Get out, get out, get out!" She shoved the ring into his gaping mouth. _'I hope he swallows the damned thing and chokes to death. No Heimlich Maneuver is coming from this girl!'_


	20. Chapter 20

Still angry. Angry brunettes are a force of nature.

* * *

When Priya saw that Sheldon had fallen asleep on the couch she packed his bags for him figuring that he would appreciate sleep after all the activity of the evening. She got him to lie down and then covered him with a throw and kissed his cheek before leaving to pack her own bags.

In-flight

Sheldon sat beside Priya who was staring out the window thinking about all the nasty things she'd ever thought about her father and regretting each and every one of them. Her father was a bit of a bigot and each boy that Priya had brought home was 'substandard' in his eyes and she'd hated him for it.

Sheldon had held her hand since takeoff after completely reviewing the emergency escape options with her. 'Priya, it will do no good to read the safety brochure if the cabin is in flames, so pay attention'.

She smiled when she remembered his fear when the plane took off. His grip on her hand was rather painful but she wouldn't have let go of his hand for anything.

He had booked all three tickets in first class and Priya had taken him to task for being foolish with his money.

"Sheldon, the entire plane goes first to DC and then to Heathrow. You must not be so profligate with your money. How am I to say 'Sheldon-_jaan_ paid for the flight, Daddy'? It makes me look unable to handle my own – "

"Did I ever tell you about the blonde woman who left her coach seat and took up residence in First Class because 'she was blonde and beautiful and deserved it'? No? Well, a blonde was flying from LA to NY and since coach was cramped she took an empty seat in first class. When the attendant told her she had to be in her own seat in coach she responded that she was 'blonde and beautiful' and thus she was flying to NY in First Class because she deserved to."

"Sheldon – " They were walking through Customs and people were starting to listen to their conversation.

"Hush, _jaanam. _So this went on until finally the captain came back and whispered something in her ear and she practically flew herself back to coach."

"Why? What did he say to her?"

"He whispered that First Class was going to Boston."

Priya laughed at the story but didn't understand the inference and said so.

"You aren't blonde but you are incredibly beautiful and intelligent and you deserve to fly first class…"

They were an hour into the flight and Priya yawned and put her seat back but Sheldon stopped her.

"Here, let me put the armrest up and you can put your head in my lap and stretch out a bit." He was having a hard time dealing with Priya's sadness and worry for her father but he hadn't released his grip on her hand since takeoff. If she slept, he could use the time to center himself.

"You don't drool, do you?" he asked Priya.

"No, Sheldon, I took a class at Cambridge on drool-control and aced it."

"That's a relief." The sarcasm went over his head and Priya just smiled. Life with Shel-_jaan_ was certainly interesting and a constant learning experience. There were many, many layers to him as she was slowly finding out.

He spent an hour doing nothing but gently rocking her while she cried quietly for a few moments and then fell back to sleep. She'd awakened from a nightmare about her father and soon she was almost sitting in Sheldon's lap with her arms around his neck while he rocked her and rubbed what he hoped were soothing circles on her back.

"Is she asleep? Poor thing." a flight attendant whispered to Sheldon. "Is there anything I can get you? A blanket or a pillow?"

"Both would be nice, thank you. She's upset because her father has had a heart attack and we're flying there so she can be with him and her mother."

"They live in the UK?" The flight terminated in London's Heathrow airport so it was a logical conclusion for her to make or so Sheldon thought.

"No, Delhi. We're catching another plane after a lay-over." He hadn't taken his eyes off Priya even to acknowledge the attendant's words.

"You must love her very much. A blind person could see it. Especially how you've been holding her for hours." The attendant returned with the pillow and blanket but Sheldon was mulling over what she said and ignored her.

"Do you, Sheldon?" Raj asked quietly a few minutes later. He was sitting behind his sister and friend and now was squatting down in the aisle checking on her.

"Do I what, Raj?" He didn't understand the question and he was tired and his back hurt and he wasn't up for an interrogation.

"Do you love my sister?"

"I wish I knew Rajesh, I wish I knew. You know how the emotions of others affect me. And why, after all this time, would you divulge our secret to Leonard and Penny?" He vaguely remembered Penny telling him that she knew he wasn't who he said he was. Then he remembered seeing Leonard's cheap engagement ring back on her finger just hours after she told him that she loved him.

"I have never, ever, discussed our situation with anyone, Sheldon. No one. You must have misunderstood her."

"You're probably right. I misunderstand women all the time. They are truly a mystery that not even Physics can resolve for me."

Priya had awakened when Sheldon gently lifted her head and slipped the small pillow beneath it. She had fallen asleep to Sheldon's fingertips gently rubbing small circles on her back and she awoke to the same fingertips only this time they were lightly tracing her cheek and jaw.

It was very erotic to her and she wished this were a night flight so that they could kiss and whisper to each other. She'd heard her brother's question and Sheldon's response.

She couldn't help but wish he had answered the question one way or the other. Usually the men in her life were easy to understand and easier still to control but her _jaan_ was unlike anyone she'd ever encountered.

Priya found herself responding and reacting rather than directing him. If she were really and truthfully honest with herself, the way he'd taken charge of the travel situation had been a turn-on for Priya. Sometimes she liked being dominated until she was nearly submissive to the will of her lover and Sheldon had demonstrated his abilities to dominate her in more than one setting.

The term _'Total Domination'_ flitted through her mind and it wasn't at all that uncomfortable a thought.

Their layover in the UK was long and Sheldon disappeared for a bit, wandering out of the customs area and out into the airport and then out of the terminal entirely. He needed fresh air that wasn't canned or compressed and shared and exchanged by 300 other people.

The terminal air had been 'fresh' but outside, even in the drizzle, was infinitely preferable. He sat on a bench under the swooping eaves of the international terminal building and let his mind roam free, something he rarely did except when truly stumped by a problem of Physics.

Love. Every facet of modern society, from music to social interaction, seemed to dwell on it. Everyone wanted to find 'true love' but Sheldon didn't have a clue what love was, let alone 'true love'. The phrase itself inferred that there was 'false love' and it confused him even more.

From his studies, he knew about Platonic love, like what he felt for his family and close friends. And he knew all about crushes – he'd had one on Mary Jane Finley in the 3rd grade, after all, but it ended badly when she started 'going with' Robbie Fenstermacher although he never quite understood it since they never actually went anywhere.

He and Amy had a 'love' of sorts but it was fundamentally flawed. She loved him. He loved – him, also.

He knew about 'lusty love' since he had three friends who spent more time thinking with their little heads than with their big ones. He was Homo Novus and had no use for it. It wouldn't last past the first morning after.

And then there were the last two types of love he'd identified through the years: Unrequited and Unconditional love.

His love for Penny was Unrequited. She was with Leonard (again) despite her own confession that she only wanted to be with him. It had been Unconditional but morphed into Unrequited by virtue of Leonard's 'first claim' and subsequent series of relationships with Penny that always seemed to predictably burn up like poorly designed and launched satellites.

No. If he were to fall into the Abyss of Love, it would be a long drop. Forever. He thought of Priya and felt his lips curve into a real smile.

He glanced at his official Batman Chronometer and cursed. He really needed to get his cranium out of his rectum and pay attention to things. He would have to hurry to go through Customs and go through the boarding process for the flight to Delhi.

* * *

Sheldon found Priya and Raj standing at the boarding concourse. Priya was arguing with the attendant when Sheldon strode up to the woman and handed her his boarding pass and ticket.

"Sheldon, where have you been? You almost missed the plane." Priya glared at him and stamped her little foot in anger. Sometimes he could be so aggravating…okay, most times…almost all the time, it seemed.

"I was out getting a breath of fresh air, clearing my head and reordering my Life Plan…nothing more, Priya. I apologize if I was thoughtless and didn't tell you where I was going. Blame it on the long flight and my fear of enclosed and of germ-laden spaces."

Rajesh smirked and then asked politely: "Who are you, sir, and what have you done with my friend, Sheldon Cooper who has never been known to spontaneously apologize for anything?"

Priya just rolled her eyes at her brother and then grabbed Sheldon's hand and led him along the tunnel to the aircraft. She was smiling broadly and feeling quite worry-free despite her father's condition. He looked tired but she would ensure that he took his pills and then he would curl up and sleep and she would trace comforting circles on his back and run her fingertips through his hair. It was only fair.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: I just love how the narrow minds spew their filth in reviews, don't you? Disagree, yes, spout filth, no. If you don't like it, don't read it. I know I can 'edit' guest reviews but I don't need to protect my ego.

I write edgy stuff, some of it downright strange but I write it. If I make even one or two of you think outside your box, then I've been successful. Fiction makes you think. TV makes you stupid and confromist. Consider the TV program's treatment of the Penny character and then consider that the vast majority of TBBT fics pair Sheldon and Penny. Oh heavens! Non-canon!

* * *

The final leg of their journey lasted 8 hours and 48 minutes. It was both the longest and shortest 8 hours and 48 minutes of Sheldon's life.

The flight from Los Angeles to Heathrow, excluding the 2 hours spent going through Customs and changing planes, was 10 hours and 32 minutes.

Adding them all together, they'd spent nearly 20 hours airborne and Sheldon was getting both claustrophobic and achy. Priya sensed his discomfort and handed him another dose of muscle relaxants and suggested that they visit the upper deck of the 747 and 'walk around a bit and stretch our legs'.

There was no one on the upper deck at this hour and they both chose to use the recliners and stare out the window at nothing but the darkness. Priya knew that flying made Sheldon extremely uncomfortable both because of the perceived air quality and his slight claustrophobia and because he had had to make a massive adjustment to his normal schedule.

"Sheldon, I want to thank you for accompanying me to my home. I know what a great personal sacrifice it has been and I just wanted to acknowledge your sacrifice. I brought hand sanitizer that I purchased in the airport."

"Oh, bless you, _jaanam, _I feel wrinkled and unkempt while you appear just as you did in our apartment. How do you do that?" Sheldon said as he liberally coated any exposed skin with the self-drying liquid gel.

"Do what, _Shel-jaan_?" She took the hand sanitizer from his and reached over and gently rubbed his jawbone below his ear, whispering, "You missed a spot."

"Stay looking as fresh as the proverbial daisy, I meant. Not even your clothing is wrinkled."

"I am a professional traveler and I learned tricks. Just wait until you unpack. No wrinkled clothing. As for 'fresh', I feel all yucky."

Both had reclined their seats to talk but Priya had not engaged her seatbelt and when the plane hit turbulence and then an air pocket, Priya ended up sprawled over Sheldon's lap and chest, her face only a few inches from his.

She leaned forward and touched the tip of his nose with her lips and then kissed it, almost giggling like a schoolgirl when he turned bright red. She moved her point of aim slightly downward and kissed his upper lip and then his lower lip and then placed a few moist kisses along his jaw line.

"Priya, you should buckle your seatbelt but since you're in my seat now…" He wrapped his arms around her and she snuggled her face into his neck and sighed.

"Sheldon, what are we going to tell my parents? I'm thinking that maybe you should not have accompanied Rajesh and I. It will only make any explanation of my deception more difficult and, most importantly, expose you to the anger of my parents."

"As well as, I believe the phrase is, 'cramp your style' with cousin Sanjay, correct?"

"I am going to kill my brother!"

"Leonard told me…everything, Priya. Another thing that makes this all a ruse is that you told Leonard your mother would birth a cow if you brought home a 'white boy'."

"Yes, Shel-_jaan_, but you are a man, not a boy. My 2nd cousin Sanjay was my…boyfriend, I guess you'd call him, although it was more of an American 'booty call' than anything else and – "

"Do you love him?" It was a reasonable question in Sheldon's mind. If it were a case of 'Lusty Love' then he could deal with it but if it were something else entirely…

"He is my cousin. Of course I love him. We grew up together…"

"Had sex together, cheated on Leonard together, and now what?"

"That is not fair, Sheldon! Leonard and I were over and done with but he just wanted to keep pushing for something that wasn't there and Sanjay was but he is nothing more than a dear friend. You must understand that in India morality dictates are very different than in the UK or US."

"Obviously. Fine. Let's go back to our seats. You and Rajesh need to discuss where I'll stay and what I'll be doing to occupy myself while you and Raj are with your parents at the hospital."

"Sheldon, you don't want to come with me to meet my parents and pay your respects to my father?"

"Yes, although I fear my presence there will only serve to generate more questions than answers. I will, of course, meet with your parents but then I feel you and Raj should spend time with them. After all, I'm not family."

* * *

Rajesh and his sister sat together for the remainder of the flight. Raj bluntly asked her what her 'deal' was with Sheldon and she said simply that she needed him. Priya gave no reason and she didn't answer his follow-up questions, simply ignoring her brother. In her mind the subject was closed. They would meet her parents, Sheldon would pay his respects and then…she had no idea what they were going to do.

"Priya, he is my friend and I will not allow you to jerk him around. How will you convince Mummy and Daddy of your impending nuptials while making the cow eyes with Sanjay? Oh, don't look surprised, Priya. The entire city knows about you and Sanjay. Leonard informed us about it over Thai food and he was quite upset. Sanjay has spoken openly about it for years, almost as a joke, and I think our parents know about it but have chosen not to acknowledge such abominable behavior because it was _your_ abominable behavior."

"I do not make 'cow eyes' at Sanjay. Our trysts have been few and far between and besides, he is our cousin and it would not be proper to pursue a romantic relationship with one's own blood."

"No, but it doesn't stop you from sleeping with him when you're in town."

Out of nowhere she asked Raj a question that had been bothering her for quite some time.

"Rajesh, why is Sheldon doing all of this? Is it because he is your friend and I am your sister?"

"Partly. Of course you used his family as leverage initially but now…"

"That was hardly an answer. What is 'partly' and why else is he doing this?"

"I have known Sheldon Cooper longer than I care to think about. He became irascible, narcissistic, arrogant and many other traits that irritate people but he is my best friend although I pretend it's really Howard."

He ploughed on, ignoring the questioning look on his sister's face.

"And yet, under all these quirks and neurotic habits, he's a good man who has extremely bad luck. Especially with women. He pretends to be aloof from human emotion but, my dear sister, he is a swirling maelstrom of emotions."

He dropped the big bomb on her and immediately felt guilty for betraying a trust that had lasted since they were both 19.

"He is a 'touch empath'. He senses emotions in others when he touches them and it overwhelms him sometimes. He doesn't shake hands or touch people and yet you seem to be the exception. Not even Penny, for whom he has carried the love torch since first laying eyes on her, can say that."

"A 'touch empath'? What utter drivel and nonsense. You have taken one of the plots from your science fiction and applied it to our circumstances."

"Not fiction, science fact. His mother had him tested. The doctors thought it would eventually drive him mad but so far he's used his quirky behavior to stave off the worst of it but betwixt you and Penny…you are sorely taxing his ability to cope. You are both 'hot and cold' with him and he's having problems sorting out 'his' emotions from 'yours'."

"That is crazy talk, Rajesh. Crazy talk. Are you jealous that he and I might have feelings for one another?"

"Certainly not, Priya. I would consider it a great thing if my friend were also to become my brother in marriage but we both know that you are simply using him to get what you want just as you use all the men in your life, even me, and then cast them aside like used paper napkins."

"It is he who is casting me aside now that my need for him has passed. Oh, big brother, what am I to do? I think I love him despite his mannerisms and I know he has feelings for me."

"Then tell him how you feel. Let him feel it. Don't you dare pull him around by his _Pud_, Priya, but don't be surprised if he doubts you. Penny gave him a declaration of love and yet she is again wearing the Hobbit's ring."

Priya thought back to the biting insults and comments that had been exchanged between them and smiled as she thought about how they had nearly disappeared from their conversations over time as they became closer. They were friends but she wanted more. She wanted Sheldon Cooper in her life and she would have him.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: You get a two-fer but only because I'm not going to be around for a while. I'm heading in for surgery in the morning and I put it off far too long but I wanted Dug-Dug home first.

Reparata

* * *

New Delhi Airport

Sheldon waited at the baggage claim area alone to allow Priya and Raj to greet their mother in privacy. He was also thinking ahead, genius that he was, to making arrangements to fly back to the US as soon as possible. He had no business being here during a family emergency. It wasn't his family. It was hers.

_'I'll have to find another apartment, perhaps within walking distance of the University, as I cannot foresee myself remaining in the Los Robles complex within such close proximity to Leonard and Penny. I will need to do a paradigm shift analysis and see exactly which area represents a locus of all important points in my life and begin my search there. Drat! I may even have to get a vehicle and a license to drive! No doubt Priya will wish to relocate to an abode more central to her office once she breaks the news of her deception to her parents. I will be alone again, but it's my natural state it seems. At least I will be free of their cloying and clingy emotions!'_

Sheldon identified their various bags and removed them from the baggage carousel and piled them up near the door. Several porters and cab drivers began assailing him with offers carry his baggage to their cabs but he told them (in idiomatic Hindi, no less) to buzz off.

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper?" a woman's voice asked in heavily accented English from behind him. He turned and recognized Priya's mother immediately from the many Skype conversations with Leonard in their apartment.

"Namaste, Mrs. Koothrappali. How is Dr. Koothrappali?" Etiquette lessons flitted through his mind. So far he was right on the button with his responses.

"He is much, much better but why is my Priya crying and unable to explain why you have not accompanied her to meet her family?"

"I did not wish to intrude on a reunion when the cause is the serious issue of her father's health. I felt it more important to secure the baggage while allowing her time to properly greet you and get an update on his condition. Also, I had to make arrangements for my return flight."

"You are returning to the US already? Today? But – "

"No, not today. I wish to pay my respects to Dr. Koothrappali and ensure that Priya-_jaanam_ and Rajesh are – "

"Fine. Give me a hug of greetings, you dear boy. Priya said your heart was always in the right place and now I see it for myself. She has made a wise choice in you, Dr. Cooper, and despite our initial misgivings, her father and I are both in agreement."

He felt a wave of shame flow over him but he hugged the woman briefly and her own emotions wracked his shame to pieces. He felt thankfulness, a kind of spiritual balm that acted to salve his conscience. To deceive someone despite the most valid of reasons still rankled his sense of right but the sweet acceptance he felt from Priya's mother more than offset it.

* * *

Rajesh and Priya accompanied by an unidentified man, met Sheldon and Priya's mother at the baggage claim area.

Priya was shooting daggers at Sheldon but looked away when she saw how pleased and happy her mother looked as she hung on to Sheldon's arm. Never had her mother taken such a shine to anyone she'd been involved with before, never, ever.

The man accompanying them stepped forward and introduced himself. He was, of course, Sanjay. He held out his hand in Western greeting but Sheldon neatly sidestepped the gesture and used the traditional 'Namaste, Sanjay'.

Sanjay stood behind Priya as Rajesh stepped forward to help with the bags and rustle up a porter. Sanjay had his hands on her shoulders as if saying to Sheldon, '_She is mine, not yours, and she is not objecting to my claim_'.

Sheldon raised an eyebrow and Raj saw it and knew that a Sheldon-esque explosion of raw anger was about to occur an so he defused the situation by simply telling Sanjay to '_make yourself useful for once and help with the bags and go get the car, Sanjay_,' dismissing the man like hired help.

Priya had also seen the change in Sheldon the instant she felt Sanjay's hands on her shoulders. He was jealous and he was angry! She wanted to shake off Sanjay's hands but her brother interceded, sending Sanjay packing like hired help with their luggage to fetch the car.

"Priya, Dr. Cooper has made arrangements already to return to the U.S. Were you aware of his plans? He will accompany us to the hospital to meet your father and pay his respects. Perhaps you can persuade him to stay a bit longer than a 'day or two' and we can all become much better acquainted since there is soon to be a wedding?"

"Sheldon, is this true? Are you leaving me here and returning home?" By the end of the sentence she was flush against him, her palms flat against his chest and her huge red-tinged eyes fixed on his. She could feel the pressure of tears forming and she hated not being in absolute control.

'_First Sanjay practically shoves his tongue down my throat in front of my mother and the entire airport and now Sheldon-jaan is angry and jealous because Sanjay was being possessive. Welcome home, Priya._'

Sheldon put his palms over hers and whispered, "That is for you to decide, Priya. I see Sanjay wasted little time in renewing his claim. Doesn't he know you're engaged or is this another quaint Indian custom I know nothing about? Perhaps it is his ring you would prefer? It would solve so many problems for you, wouldn't it? Not having to explain 'bringing home a white boy' nor being uncomfortable with my 'weirdo' behaviors."

'_Shit! He is angry and barely in control. I can feel his body vibrating in anger. I really screwed this up!'_

"Shel-_jaan_," she used the short version of his name she'd adopted, "you are a white _man_, you are my betrothed, and Sanjay is less that the cow dung in the street to me. Please don't leave me alone to deal with my parents or him. Please stay with me, by my side, and I promise to try and control my emotions lest they overwhelm you."

His eyebrows disappeared into his hairline in surprise and he glared at Raj who immediately nodded and smiled, shrugging his shoulders as if to say '_no big deal, dude_'.

Priya whispered, "Rajesh has told me of your unique ability. He says not only are you one of the five smartest men on the planet but also an empath. I will keep your secret and only allow my emotions full rein when we are alone."

He was skeptical of her intentions but - "And yes, now I understand your aversion to touching but dearest Shel-_jaan_, sometimes I _want_ you to know how I feel since neither of us seems to be able to verbally communicate effectively at critical times."

"I accept your offer. We will see how your father is and then make plans as his condition dictates. Is that acceptable to you?"

"Very. Touch me, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, feel what I feel right now." She grabbed his hands in hers and then leaned against him.

Sheldon was assaulted by waves of satisfaction, joy and warmth. "Yes, Sheldon," she again whispered so that only he could hear, "I love you and given enough time, I can make you feel something for me, too. Stay with me, Sheldon, please?"

* * *

Pasadena

Some caring soul had called 9-1-1 and the police had responded in a timely fashion to the domestic abuse call at apartment 4B at 2411 Los Robles. Perhaps it was the caller's hysteria that some poor woman 'was being beaten and raped as we speak' that fired them up, but when they broke down the door, guns drawn, it was Penny that was arrested and Leonard who'd been screaming like a girl as Penny opened up another giant-sized can of Nebraska's Finest Junior Rodeo Whoop-ass and let fly.

"Drop the scissors, ma'am, and step away from him! No one is getting castrated here! I – Said – Step AWAY!"

The Pasadena patrolman had been to a few rodeos in his time and he recognized how the naked man was tied up and the intent of the woman holding the scissors. From the blood running from her nose and the swollen lips, it looked like she'd turned the tables on her would-be rapist but that would be for the judge to decide. They were both going in for domestic abuse.

* * *

Howard and Bernadette bailed Penny out and took her back to her apartment. "No, I can't stay here. I'll – go across the hall and stay there. Sheldon and Priya are on their way to India. Her dad's had a heart attack. Raj went with them, of course. I'll stay there and find another apartment somewhere. I just can't…"

Bernadette nodded in understanding and Howard went over to 4B and carried all of Penny's clothing and stuff over to 4A and dumped it on the couch. It took 2 trips and he hadn't even touched the shoes yet.

While Howard was being useful, Bernadette made coffee and soon the three of them were sitting around the breakfast table listening to Penny explain all that had happened in the last 24 hours.

"Penny, I'm sure if you just tell Sheldon the truth that you'll some day laugh at all this. Everyone knows how he feels about you even if he doesn't display his feelings like my Howie or even Leonard. Great men frequently have horrible times fitting into society."

"He'll never listen and even if he does do me that one last courtesy, he won't believe me. I came clean, told him the truth but then I know he saw Leonard's ring back on my finger and no one could blame him for labeling me a liar and doubting anything I say. I'll have to move. I won't be able to stay here once they're back. I can't face him, Bernadette, not when he's with her and happy."

A/N: 1+1+1 = (x^2 + 2x)


	23. Chapter 23

**I feel like crap but my S/O brought in my laptop since I can't type worth crap on my kindle and have no way to upload from it. Anyhoooo...I've piggybacked on the hosptial's wifi...I feel evil.**

**Most of you will abandon this fic but if only one or two readers expand their minds, say 'why not' and set aside all their preconceived notions, I'll have done my job. Besides, doesn't the idea of Penny and Priya and Sheldon doing the naked pretzel together sound...yummy?**

Reparata

* * *

Pasadena

Penny sat in his spot on the leather couch and it made her feel a sense of accomplishment (she'd dared to violate his space) and a little sad (he would never know and that took half the fun away).

She finally got rid of Howard and Bernadette although 'rid' was probably too brutal a word. She just wanted to be alone and think about her situation, her short and long term futures and her immediate next move. The night court judge had set her bail at $500 and she needed to pay the newlyweds back as soon as she could.

She neither knew nor cared what Leonard's bail was. The only people who might remotely post his bail were either firmly on her side or in India. She didn't think Winkle would pony up cash money for him or anyone else, for that matter.

_'Shower. I need a shower and get clean before I 'violate the sanctity' of his bedroom._'

She opened the second drawer in the sink vanity and almost cried out in emotional pain. Her Moon Pie had restocked her personal items after she'd used them that one time. She felt ashamed of how much he cared and how little she'd appreciated it. Well, no more.

Fresh from the shower and clean and naked, she crawled between his unmade sheets and buried her face in his pillow, inhaling his essence: soap, talcum powder, and the barest hint of sweat. She didn't want to think about what caused the sweat. His injuries had looked painful and no doubt he had perspired because of the pain. _Fear sweat didn't smell so sweet and Sheldon-y. _

Penny fell asleep wrapped in his sheets and hugging his pillow. She made a mental note to wash the sheets in the same way Sheldon did and then use the scent to comfort her.

Her dreams are pleasant and she wakes up refreshed and full of resolve to do whatever is necessary to at least regain Sheldon's respect and friendship. He's become an important part of her life and she wants the painful void filled once again with his presence, even if it means offering an olive branch to his Indian…

No, that's the wrong way to go about it. Offer the olive branch, yes, but no more degrading comments about her competition. She'll take the high road and regain his respect and trust.

* * *

Delhi Cardiac Care Center  
Delhi, India

Mrs. Koothrappali went into her husband's room first and then motioned for Raj and Priya to step in and visit while she stayed out in the corridor with Sheldon.

"May I call you 'Sheldon' or do you really prefer to be addressed as 'Doctor' or 'Professor'?"

"Calling me by my first name is fine, Mrs. Koothrappali, although Priya-_jaanam _calls me 'Shel' and I find it acceptable."

"Why have you agreed to this sham engagement? It does not seem to fit your character." She was on to them and probably had been since the beginning.

He closed his eyes and gathered his thoughts before speaking. "Your daughter was a friend in need. I saw no other course of action especially after she suborned my mother and grandmother into supporting her actions. However, since then I have gotten to know her better, much better, and I find that she has become…indispensable to me, although I question my place in her life. After all, I am not Indian and Sanjay – "

"I spoke at length with Mr. Asimatupalli after your dinner. He was very impressed, especially when you explained that few Westerners were in love with as beautiful a woman as my daughter. Did you mean it?"

Sheldon looked like a deer caught in the middle of the PCH at noon on the 4th of July. She chuckled and offered him an out.

"That was unfair of me, Dr. Cooper, to – "

"If the question were asked of me now, yes, but that point is moot despite her own words. She still has feelings for Sanjay and he is, after all, Indian and – "

"Oh, piffle! My sister's sister-in-law has raised a buffoon and a simpleton who thinks first with his…who has no sense at all when it comes to women and seeks only his own gratification. I will speak with her _and_ with my daughter. He is, how do you say it, oh, yes, toasted bread, and of no further concern."

"One cannot dictate who the heart of another wants any more than you could force your daughter to marry my old friend and mentor, Dr. Ranjikari. I believe his wife might have some objections to such goings on, don't you?"

When her eyes widened, he laughed. "You're not the only one who had doubts about this entire arranged marriage thing, although I felt obliged to help her any way I could despite the meddling of my mother and grandmother and because I owe your son a life-debt and I could think of no one better qualified to chart a clear path for a satisfactory resolution."

Raj stepped out of the room then and motioned Sheldon in. "He wants to speak with you, Sheldon. Priya has confessed her duplicity and I believe you are 'off the hook' dude."

Instead of the expected 'happy Joker' smile, Sheldon's face took on a sad and serious mien. Priya stepped out of the room and looked at Sheldon's face and burst into tears and tore off down the corridor for the nearest ladies' room, her mother in hot pursuit.

"I seem to have that effect on her lately." Sheldon shook his head, wiped his sweaty palms on his pants and then squared his shoulders and walked into the brightly lit and airy hospital room, leaving Raj alone in the corridor wondering '_what the fuck?_'

Dr. Koothrappali was lying flat on his back, hooked up to all types of gizmos, most of which Sheldon recognized.

He turned his head slightly and smiled broadly. "Ah, at last, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, friend of my son, betrothed of my daughter. Come in and sit. We have much to discuss, you and I."

"Priya, I am your mother and you will open the door – " She was interrupted when her daughter threw open the stall door and then practically fell into her arms, sobbing that her world had gone to hell and she didn't know what to do about it.

* * *

Penny was on a natural high as she ran through the park adjacent to their apartment building. She had a schedule of daily activities that kept her mind occupied and her body busy with P90X exercises and yoga. She was thinking about the part she had auditioned for: a minor character in a high-end cable channel soap that was supposed to be a 'launching point' for many young actors.

She hadn't been nervous but there were questions about how soon she'd be ready if she got the part. Her left eye was gloriously black and blue and her lip was still slightly swollen although the stitches had been removed. Without going into specifics, she told them about her 'assault' but that there were no 'lingering aftereffects' to worry about. In other words, she wasn't about to go 'postal' on the set.

She thought often about her Moon Pie, wondering what he was doing and hoping it wasn't what she feared the most: getting 'comfortable' with Priya. Bernadette had been a Godsend, spending the occasional evening with her and calling and just talking when she couldn't make an appearance in person. That's how she found out that Leonard had been suspended from his post at the University pending the results of his court appearance.

"Penny, Howie says Leonard's really broken up about what happened and he wants to make amends somehow and – "

"Forget it! I don't want to talk to him, see him, of have to listen to him on the phone. It's over and done with and I'm prepared for whatever sentence the judge puts on me although I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared to death that I might be going to jail."

"Leonard's attorney wants to make a deal and have all charges dropped. It might be the answer to your worries, Penny. I know what he did was horrible but – "

"I'll do whatever my lawyer thinks is best. I have to get my life going again in the right direction and I want this behind me." Her 'lawyer' was a pro-bono public defender who saw Penny as merely another small-town girl who got mixed up with the wrong crowd. He wasn't paid for representing her and it showed in his attentiveness.

"Have – have you heard from Raj?" The 'or Sheldon' part was unsaid but hung out there loudly floating around her head. "All Howard gets is voicemail or an 'all circuits are busy' message when he calls."

"No. I figure they're pretty busy with her Dad and all."

"Any idea when they'll be back? Where are you going to live? I talked to Howie's Mom and you can always bunk in the spare room here. The food's good and the rent – free, by the way – is attractive even if there are drawbacks like _her _voice…it grates on my nerves, Penny, and another woman around who doesn't scream conversations would be nice."

"I – I think…"

"Well, the offer's good indefinitely. Howard's even said he would help you move it you wanted. He and a couple of undergrads can have you out of there in less than a few hours." She meant that if Sheldon and Priya suddenly reappeared without notice, she could be out of a difficult situation in no time at all.

"I'll think about it, Bernie. Have you heard from Amy?" She changed the subject and moved on.

* * *

Delhi  
Earlier

Priya walked down the hallway to her father's room. She felt like the condemned going to the execution chamber. Her mother had assured her that every thing would work out but somehow she doubted it. Now that he was 'off the hook', she knew he'd wait a decent amount of time before leaving her to her fate – and alone.

Raj was still standing outside his father's hospital room, his arms wrapped around his chest and a worried look on his face. Sheldon had been in the room with his father for the last 10 minutes and he was worried. Sheldon Cooper rarely laughed and when he did, it sounded like a cross between an ass braying and a pig snorting.

The laughter coming from the room was normal, natural…and scary. First his father had laughed, a great belly laugh that ended in some coughing and then, after a few minutes, Sheldon laughed and it scared Raj since it was so un-Sheldon-like. It was normal. It was genuine and it was full-throated and seemed to go on for an indecent length of time or so it seemed.

"Rajesh, what is wrong? Why are you looking so tense and…" Sheldon's laugh floated out of the room and now Priya understood her brother's fear.

"Oh, Mother Kali, what is going on in there?"

Priya's mother answered, delighted that negotiations were progressing so well. "I believe that Dr. Cooper is winning the bride price negotiations judging from the laughter and your father's silence."

"B-Bride price? Bride price! That's – that's insulting! I am not a commodity to be bought and sold and haggled over like a goat or a camel or a…"

"Yes, you are, Priya. Sheldon knows what he's doing. It is poor Daddy that I worry about. His fortune, his cars, his estate and his country villa will all be gone and Mummy, you will probably have to go back to the practice of Gynecology to support yourselves."

Raj was enjoying himself. His fear had evaporated like fog in the bright sunlight when he heard something about '20 goats and…' Whatever else was said was lost in yet another of Sheldon's laughs.

His mother was also enjoying Priya's consternation. It would do her good to be brought down a few pegs. Just because she had graduated Cambridge law at the top of her class and was the youngest lead counsel for the biggest car manufacturer in all of India didn't mean she didn't need to be humbled on occasion.

It suddenly dawned on Priya that she was the butt of the family joke but the joke was on them. Sheldon Cooper never broke his word, and he was negotiating the bride's price and that meant…

"Mummy, come along. We need to go shopping. I need to buy Shel-_jaan_ a gold ring for the engagement exchange and ceremony and then I think a traditional wedding dress and the appropriate traditional jewelry that goes with it. Do you have your car?"


	24. Chapter 24

Can't sleep so you get another one. No moe IV goodies and the nasty nurse won't call for a script.

* * *

Chapter 17

Pasadena

She got the part. They wanted her to come by and fill out some forms, produce her Guild card and pick up some scripts. She called her mom and told her about it and then called Bernadette and filled her in on the good news but then stopped dialing _his_ cell number because…

_'Calling my mom and Bernadette and telling them the good news was nice but the one person I wanted to share this with is…with someone else. I'll just wait and surprise him. He always said if the correct parameters existed that I would be successful. I'm not there yet but I will be. Thanks, Moon Pie for having faith in me.'_

* * *

Delhi  
1am

The old fraud! He was in the hospital for an annual physical and he'd had an attack of angina and between him and his wife and a cooperative staff of colleagues, they'd cooked up this excuse to get their children home and Priya married off. Sheldon knew he should be angry but he wasn't.

It was a new paradigm for him – parents who shared in their children's lives long after they'd left the nest. _His_ parents had been glad to see him go although since his dad died, there was less friction when he occasionally went home.

He and Raj had done the shopping thing. He hadn't come prepared for the Delhi weather. It was monsoon season and most all he had with him was designed for casual California not upper class Delhi and since the Koothrappalis were in 'society', he'd had to make certain 'acquisitions'.

He and Priya hardly saw each other. Whether that was by design or just that both of them had busy schedules, okay, she had a full schedule, and was in Mumbai for meetings most of the week.

Sheldon had opted for the 'pool house' apartment for his stay. Priya scowled when he mentioned it at a restaurant her parents had taken them to once her father was discharged from the hospital. She had wanted him in the guest bedroom, right next to her room but Sheldon figured, correctly, that her parents would frown on it.

He was really getting the hang of this social convention crap much to his own surprise. He even found idle conversation over dinner to be delightful, especially once Rajesh recounted the 'sanitized' version of how he came to speak Hindi.

Sheldon and Rajesh had gone to a party at one of his old school friends' house and there he'd learned some Indian customs and traditions as well as the status of the local ladies although that was for Raj's benefit.

He was considered a lost cause since his engagement was soon to be announced.

Raj's friends were all amazed that Sheldon spoke Hindi and Raj had too much to drink and related the tale of their first meeting at a seminar on 'The Behavior of Subatomic Particles in a Quantum Singularity' hosted by Dr. Ranjikari in Heidelberg. The lecture was in German and Raj couldn't speak a word of it so Sheldon patiently (for him) translated for him.

"So, in exchange, I agreed to teach my new American friend Hindi so he could brown nose Dr. Ranjikari and he agreed to teach me German so I could hunt down young German girls and woo them with my exotic good looks and natural tan."

"I do not brown nose. It is an offensive term, Rajesh, and I resent its use when you know quite well that I wished only to compare and contrast his theories with my own."

Raj made a fist and twisted it around his nose signifying 'brownnosing'. Sheldon glared at him but continued his side of the story.

"You were a terrible language student and never did manage to 'hunt down' anyone other than Helga the Hulk and then you complained for days about her body odor and excess body hair."

His friends howled and Raj punched Sheldon on the shoulder and glared at him. "She was simply a large-boned farm girl with enormous teats and unshaven legs and armpits. If I remember correctly, Sheldon Cooper, you ran out of the Gasthaus when she asked you to her rooms."

"I had standards. I still have standards as you well know. Besides, it was almost time for the BBC broadcast of Dr. Who, episode 28 and it was and still is my favorite."

* * *

They had stayed out far later than planned and Sheldon had finally dragged his weary bones into the shower and then made use of the disgusting sanitary facilities and then took another shower. The whole 'hole in the floor' in lieu of a proper commode gave him the shudders.

He pulled on one of the dozen pairs of soft cotton drawstring pants that Raj insisted he would need and then crawled into bed. It was raining and had rarely stopped and the cool weather and sound of the rain on the rooftop made it pleasant to sleep wearing only soft pants.

"Danmmph…" Warm lips covered his and a warm tongue was caressing his lips seeking admission. "Sheldon, wake up and make love to me. I hardly see you and I miss you."

"Priya! What – hey, I sleep in those – " Again his words were muffled by her mouth and he soon gave in to her insistent intimate caresses. Her skin was so silky smooth and she smelled of exotic spices.

She put her palms flat against his and whispered, "Feel what I feel, Shel-_jaan_. I love you and I want you. Don't make me beg." She rubbed one smooth naked thigh along his and felt his throbbing erection and giggled. "Perhaps I won't have to beg you. Ohhh, Sheldon…"

He ran a string of kisses down her neck and nipped the skin and gentled it with his tongue. Priya turned her head to allow him access but he was already pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses along the ventral line between her breasts, teasing her with fingertips that seemed to leave fiery trails along her nerve paths.

"Quit teasing me, Shel. Ohh, yes…" His lips had found one nipple and he sucked and nipped and laved it with his tongue while his other hand slipped between her thighs and began lightly massaging the skin. He felt her legs spread even more and he ran circular patterns over the sensitive skin of her inner thighs with his fingertips.

She purred like a cat when he palmed her sex and slipped one finger gently between her folds and ghosted it slowly around her moist inner lips and then up and around her clit, never touching it, but setting the sensitive nerve endings on fire with his light touch.

Priya arched her pelvis up against his hand, trying to direct his teasing digit to where it was needed but he just combed his fingers through her trimmed pubic hair, teasing her more. His member pulsed and throbbed and…

He woke up, disgusted with himself. Another shower, another clean pair of sleep pants, and soon he was back to sleep. He had a fleeting thought that this had never happened with such regularity when Penny had occupied his dreams. He made a mental note to do a comparison analysis of his feelings to find out just what was prompting these dreams that so often interrupted his REM cycle.

* * *

Mumbai  
Law Offices

Priya wrapped up her business with the new director of her firm's Mumbai branch and while flattered, had turned down the offer to manage the acquisitions unit of the branch.

"Miss Koothrappali, you are making a grave career error. This could be the chance to be the youngest junior partner this firm has ever had as well as the only woman so chosen. In any event, negotiations for the acquisition have reached a critical stage and your presence is required in Los Angeles. The firm has already made flight arrangements and - "

"No, no I can't. I'm getting married in a few days and I can't be in the US when my – "

"Two weeks. I can stall the negotiations for two weeks."

Delhi Airport  
Two weeks later

Priya squeezed into her coach seat for the flight to the UK and then on to the US. She'd spoken to Sheldon and explained everything to him and he'd been surprisingly understanding about things. It was her mother who had been difficult but again, Sheldon had supported her and her mother caved in the face of such logic.

"Mrs. Koothrappali, Priya is a lawyer and has been called upon to represent her principal client. Not only does she represent the client but also the stakeholders in the client's company as well as the client's many, many employees. As such, the happiness of one man hardly bears consideration." He doubted that she would appreciate Spock's 'the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few' any more than Priya had.

"But you two should be off to the lake and your honeymoon, Sheldon!"

"I'll have her for the rest of my life so missing a week isn't catastrophic now, is it?"

The day she returned from Mumbai, Sheldon had taken Priya to a market and found a jeweler that he'd already been to earlier. He asked the old craftsman to show them some 'trinkets'. The jeweler winked at Sheldon and then brought out a tray of baubles including a beautifully engraved gold ring set with a series of diamonds around it. Priya homed in on it and looked at it admiringly.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Wear it for me, Priya. Wear it for the rest of your life. Marry me, here, today. I am unaccustomed to proposing marriage and the thought of your rejection fills me with trepidation but…"

"Yes! Oh, yes, but not for a few days, Sheldon. My mother would be heartbroken if we didn't allow her some ostentatious display of social celebration. There will be a party where you announce our betrothal formally and then there will be a last feast after a priest has accepted our exchange of rings – oh, I need to find you a ring that is elegant as befits my husband. And then there is the wedding ceremony and the…honeymoon."

"Okay, so tomorrow then?" She laughed and hugged him and he felt her joy and unconditional love for him. He paid for the ring and chuckled. The finely crafted ring would be put away until the exchange ceremony but Priya wore it home to show her mother.

"Sheldon, I am so happy. Are you happy, Shel-_jaan_?"

"Very."

* * *

He _was_ happy. He was marrying his beautiful Indian Princess but underneath it all, he still yearned for Penny. It wasn't that he didn't love Priya just as much, but rather that he loved them both equally. Each had captured his heart in different but complimentary ways and he cursed Fate that allowed him to find _two_ soul mates and a society that only permitted him to acknowledge _one_.

He arrived at the obvious conclusion: _'I am Homo Novus and I posit that being an evolved being entitles me to two soul mates. It __will __double the probability of carrying on the evolutionary leg of humanity. So be it. Never let it be said that Sheldon Cooper shirked his duty to the future of mankind!'_


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 18

Rehearsals had been a bitch today. Not only had she muffed her lines twice, she hadn't been on her mark on several shots and they'd had to be re-shot. Surprisingly the director hadn't fired her. He just took her aside, told her that he knew her hearing was the next day and told her to go home and have a drink and some serious cuddling with her boyfriend.

It was raining and chilly for early August. She took a hot shower and then dressed in a nightshirt and bundled up in his comforter on the couch, in his spot, and turned on Dr. Who that was in the DVR. She did open a bottle of wine and cuddled up with a dirty (to Sheldon) Flash t-shirt and watched his favorite episode of the series.

If she admitted it to herself, she was scared shitless of her court appearance. Her Public Defender had told her that the Assistant DA was trying to make points with her boss and was going for the maximum on a charge of sexual battery on one Leonard Hofstadter. "Penny, if we're lucky, you might get off with 6 months and then a couple of years' probation."

* * *

Priya drove her brother's car home to 2411 Los Robles. It was home to her now. She and Sheldon would make a life for themselves although she wasn't certain what job she'd have. Priya was more than willing to chuck the Motor Company for her husband. She could always find work.

She unlocked the door and dumped her baggage in her room and then got in the shower. She felt grungy after being in the air for so long. _'Now I understand why he hates long flights. It feels so damned good to be clean again.' _

She got out, wrapped herself in a towel and used another to wrap up her hair in a turban and walked into the kitchen. She was thirsty and air travel always left her parched.

* * *

The episode had ended and the timer automatically turned off the power to the TV and the DVR and so when Penny awoke, startled by the noise of someone else in the darkened apartment, she grabbed the nearest 'weapon', one of the boys' light sabers, and advanced on the intruder.

She knew the apartment like the back of her hand and made her way through the maze of furniture to the kitchen table when the refrigerator door opened and back-lit a grotesque figure with a huge elongated head and for just one second Penny wondered if it was one of the boys' science experiments gone wrong.

When the stooped figure stood up, a plastic bottle of water in hand, Penny brought down the solid plastic light saber of the intruder's head.

Priya was shocked for a second by the blow but her hair, turbaned in the thick bath towel, absorbed the impact and she whirled on her 'attacker' and slammed the flimsy plastic water bottle over its head and pumped her fist in triumph when her assailant dropped to the floor.

Her joy turned to horror when she recognized Penny on the floor, clearly stunned by the impact.

"Penny!?" Priya dropped to her knees and cradled Penny's head in her lap. "What are you doing here?"

Priya made sure that Penny was only wet from the water in the bottle and not cut or hurt in any way and then started her interrogation but took time to explain that Sheldon was still in India awaiting her return. She held Penny's hands in hers and opened up her heart to her.

"Penny, Sheldon Cooper is an amazing man and I love him more than words can express." She went on to tell her everything that had happened including his pre-wedding confession that yes, he loved her more than anything in the world but that he also loved Penny equally and was emotionally torn between the two of them.

"We almost didn't get married, Penny. He was so distraught about 'abandoning' you to Leonard. So you see, Penny, it was very fortuitous that we 'bumped into' each other here tonight. I have a proposition for you and I need you to open up your heart and your mind and not rush to a decision."

There were tears on both their faces when Priya finished her 'confession' and her unique '0ne-Time-Only' offer.

"Choose. I will be going back to India and my husband in 4 days. I would like to have a solution in hand by that time."

Penny unloaded on her and told her about the assault, why she was in his apartment, and the trial with her Public Defender and how she was looking at 6 months in jail and then 'supervised probation' for a few years.

It took 20 minutes of additional questioning but Priya finally had a lawyer's grasp of the situation and she asked Penny for a dollar.

"Hey! You're rich. I'm still waiting on a paycheck."

"If I am to represent you in court tomorrow, everything must be on the up-and-up and so, retain me with a $1.00 bill."

"Got change for a $5…?"

* * *

Pasadena City Court  
Criminal Division  
Courtroom B

Penny wore her most conservative outfit (for her, anyway) and low heels, her hair pulled back and away from her face and just a touch of lipstick. Priya had told her that 'presentation' was more important than evidence in the jury's eyes. If she wore one of her 'bodice enhancing' outfits, they would see her as a slut.

Priya breezed into the courtroom as if entering her own royal court and she was the Queen. She looked at the Public Defender and announced, "Cooper for the defense, your honor. My client has no confidence in her current representation."

The dismissed P.D. muttered to Penny, "I hope you enjoy the next 3 years in prison. I had the deal almost made."

The ADA made her case. The arresting officers were blunt and descriptive of the scene when they responded to the 9-1-1 call but painted Penny as the real victim and the ADA tried to color their testimony but the jury already felt sympathy for Penny and not the 'victim'.

Priya had obtained photographs of Penny taken by Howard using his phone at the ER and also the day after and had them blown up to 9X12 black and white glossies, the results of the 'Rape Kit' from the ER, and a list of the injuries and treatments.

She entered them into evidence and the ADA objected but the judge sided with Priya and she was allowed to proceed.

She stood in front of the jurors and held up each photograph of Penny taken at the ER and allowed the jurors to see the 'damage' that her former fiancé had done.

"This is hardly the face of the attacker, ladies and gentlemen. A broken nose, 8 stitches in her lip, vaginal tearing…" she paused to allow the impact and then said, "and a positive Rape Kit."

Another pause. "She turned the tables on her attacker. I will put her on the stand and let her tell you her story about how the man she once loved and intended to marry became obsessed with another woman and when that woman married another, he brutally attacked his former lover."

The judge called both lawyers into conference in chambers and when they came out, the ADA dropped the charges and Penny was free to go, with the apologies of the court.

As they were leaving, Priya heard the judge tell the ADA that she had the wrong person before him. He issued a bench warrant for the arrest of Leonard Hofstadter and told her to get her crap together or find another line of work. "Railroading innocent women who only defended themselves is not Justice, it's a crime."

* * *

Priya left for India four days later, her job done and her future secure, or so she fervently hoped. Penny saw her off at the airport and the two shared a kiss and an embrace that neither could have imagined only a month earlier.

* * *

A/N: Rather than change the rating to 'M', and it surely will deserve that category when Sheldon returns, I opted to move the femme-smut to LJ rather than risk the outrage of the censors and the sensitivity of some of the few who still read this. Don't bother looking for it. I'm still here and haven't written it yet. Sorry, Clint…lol

Reparata


	26. Chapter 26

Took a while to get this out. Dealing with resolution and frinal chapters, I hope.

Clint: still no femmslash. Sorry, dude.

Reparata

* * *

Chapter 19

Delhi Airport  
New Delhi, India

She didn't see him at the 'Arrivals' gate and she was disappointed. Even though she'd left her company car in the long-term parking area, she still wanted him to greet her, smiling his dorky smile that she had come to love so much, sweep her up into his arms and kiss her until she almost passed out.

Instead, Priya collected her luggage and walked out to the curb and hailed a taxi to take her to the secure parking lot. It was raining heavily, a veritable monsoon, and she laughed because after all, it _was_ monsoon season. She was unlocking her car when she heard her name called and turned and there he was, soaked to the skin and slightly out of breath.

"Raj dropped me off at the wrong terminal and by the time I found the right gate you'd already gone through Customs and I almost caught you but you slipped into the cab and – "

She ran the three steps necessary to hug him and it was she who had initiated the kiss that left her reeling in delight.

"Priya, you're getting all wet," but he didn't let go of her. If anything, he drew her closer.

"Not yet, Shel, but I will be. Have you ever made love in a car? No? Oh, another first for us because neither have I! I thought about you the entire time I was gone and I had this crazy daydream that you would be waiting for me at the airport and we would have sex in the cab on the way home…but this is much better!"

* * *

They got back to their 'apartment' – the pool house apartment – three hours after her flight arrived. It took two showers before they were 'clean' and then, exhausted from the flight and the three bouts of 'reunion' sex, they tumbled into bed and slept.

Her last thought as he wrapped her in his arms and sighed 'goodnight' into her hair was that in the morning she was going to rock his world and for once, render him utterly speechless.

Or so she hoped.

* * *

He woke first as was his habit. She, the object of his intense desire so many times in the past days, was sprawled out on her stomach, naked as the day she was born, facing him. He reached over and moved hair from her face and gently kissed the corner of her mouth. Her lips twisted and then she rubbed her face in the zillion-count Egyptian cotton sheets and sighed and fell back to sleep.

Sheldon hit the pool on the run. He swam naked so the dash was as much for modesty as exercise. He found that he really liked swimming first thing in the morning. It woke his body up and got the blood flowing. He also liked just sinking down to the bottom and lying there, enjoying the quiet, looking up at the pool surface broken by rain, listening to his heart beat. Thinking.

Priya loved him. Intensely. He loved her. Intensely. So why was there this gnawing feeling that something – someone – was missing from his life? He knew the answer, of course. He'd always known it but even after her confession of always loving him she'd gone back with Leonard; she'd become engaged _again!_ That meant that Penny loved Leonard enough to marry him.

To Sheldon, marriage was a contract, an agreement between two parties to join together within the confines of a social contract. It was unbreakable.

It didn't make sense and Sheldon Cooper was not a big fan of things that didn't make sense. He forced his mind to ignore the burning in his lungs and the graying-out of his peripheral vision.

His body felt so light, totally weightless, and his mind functioned with such clarity. Penny. The emptiness was the absence of her presence. He felt relieved that he'd made sense out of the nonsensical.

It was good fortune that she'd decided to ambush her naked husband and have her way with him as a prelude to 'the great discussion'. That was her only thought as she swam underwater up to him, pulling her way up his supine body and scaring the crap out of him.

He rocketed to the surface, startled out of his metal reverie, sputtering and then glaring as Priya bobbed to the surface. He could stand with his head above water but she had to tread water.

She laughed and then wrapped her arms and legs around him and he wrapped his arms around her instinctively, protecting her.

"I was working on a problem and had the solution and…"

"I thought you'd 'worked' long enough, Shel-_jaan. _Do you love me? I mean, do you _really _love me?"

"I married you, Priya. How could you doubt me now?"

"I think you married me because you wanted to ride the elephant at the wedding. You should have seen the look on your face when Daddy said he'd gone 'all out' and even hired an elephant rather than a limo for our procession."

"Well, if you must know, it _was_ one of the major reasons." He saw the sudden sadness in her eyes and realized he'd stepped on his pecker.

"Priya, you know I'm teasing, right? I love you and I want to spend the rest of my days with you – but only if we have a pool in our home. I like waking up at dawn and diving into the water. It's a won – "

Her kiss stopped him. She was both reassured and happy that her banter had opened him up to possibilities. "Our home, Shel? What about your apartment and – "

"OUR apartment. But I think a home of our own would be nice, someday. Don't you? You have to entertain and I don't want you schlepping through bars with all those men ogling what is mine, understand?" He drove his point home by slipping in between her wet folds and she groaned in his ear and then bit his lobe.

"Ohh, yes…right there…"

* * *

Pasadena

Penny was on the verge of a panic attack. _'What happens if he says 'No'? What happens if he says 'Yes'? What if he doesn't want the 'deal'? I need him in my life and I don't care if she's part of it. A 'polyamorous' lifestyle? His mother will shit a brick!'_

'_Will Sheldon treat me like his dirty secret? How will his colleagues accept a triad-relationship? Sheldon is so proud of his position in that scientific community of his. What will this do to his reputation?'_

She had already had this argument with Priya but it was hard to doubt her sincerity when she was nibbling at Penny's throat and Penny's fingertips were teasing her nipples. She wasn't really into 'girl on girl' but she had had experiences and they'd been enjoyable but not something she'd give up a stiff prick for on a regular basis.

_'Sheldon's such a shy guy. How will he handle us all being naked and in the same bed sometimes? How will he deal with his friends? How will I deal with mine? How will he react if Priya and I…Oh, God, if this gets out into the public…what might it do to my career?"_

She was deathly afraid that the entire arrangement would appear 'unsavory' to straight-laced Sheldon Cooper, PhD, who thought 'coitus' was a foul joke played on Mankind by a higher power.

* * *

Delhi, India

While Penny drank wine alone on Sheldon's couch, sitting cheekily in _his_ spot, late at night, Priya and Sheldon were freshly showered and dressed and sitting at a small table talking about her 'idea' over a very late breakfast.

Priya opened up her mental brief and fired the first salvo.

"Listen, you and I, we are a couple, a unit, an entity whose origins defy convention and I want to further defy convention with a suggestion but first, my dearest husband, you must let me speak from my heart and promise not to interrupt."

He nodded his assent and wondered how such a beautiful morning could suddenly devolve into such a tangle of doubt and fear.

"Sheldon, you love me. I love you. You love me but you have already explained that you _also_ love another just as much and – "

He started to interrupt her but she stopped him with her harsh tone.

"No, Sheldon, you promised to hear me out so sit back and listen!"

He sat back and nodded and then made a 'continue' gesture with his hands.

Priya reached across the table and took his hand hoping that the truth of her emotions would come across to him.

"You are incomplete, my love, and I have done something that may offend you, may even drive us apart, but I did it for you because I love you, and for us because I want you to be happy and I'm happy when you are."

She took a deep breath and then looked him square in the eye as if he was an intransigent juror and she drove on.

"I spent every free moment with Penny while in the U.S. I see why you love her, Sheldon, and I know that she feels the same about you as I do, so…we talked and talked and came to an agreement, an arrangement that will provide all of us with who and what we need. I need you and you need me. You need her and she needs you. And…we all need each other so…"

"Priya, is there a Reader's Digest version? You're going on and on and not making a point yet. Just what is it you are proposing? I thought they taught you brevity in law school?"

She ignored his snarky comment and pressed on.

"Penny and I…we want us to live together, to share everything, to trust one another and…and love one another. Sheldon Cooper, Penny and I want you to love us both as in a triad, a polyamorous…"

He stood up, red in the face, angrier than she'd ever seen him and his lips moved but he couldn't form words. Sheldon's mind was racing with the underlying implications of her statement. He couldn't form a coherent thought that made any sense at all to him. Finally, his mind slowed down enough to speak.

"I married you, Priya, not Penny. 'Forsaking all others' wasn't spoken in the ceremony but it sure as hell was implied! I can dealt with my feelings for Penny and…and I can't begin to understand how you…how she…how I…"

He felt himself panic. _A triad? What the fuck? When did strait-laced Priya the snooty lawyer become a damned unreconstructed hippie!?_

"I'm going for a walk. I need to think. I need to…I need to think, yeah, think."

Sheldon's mind turned her words over and over and…

"Just how much time did you and Penny spend together? What about Leonard, her on-again-off-again fiancée? Where was he during all these discussions? I'll just bet he would love the idea. Maybe you and Lenny and Penny should be in your goddamned triad. Did you try it out for size?"

He hurriedly grabbed a rain slicker, his phone and passport and headed out of the pool house, destination unknown.

One more and thank God I'm done with this. Damn you, Jislane!


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: Working on finishing them all. Sorry for the delays.

Reparata

* * *

Chapter 20  
Torn Between Two Lovers

Priya sat in stunned silence staring after him. In desperation, she found her phone and called the one person she knew who might be able to help.

"Hi, Priya. What did he say? How did he react when you told him about you and me and - "

"Penny, we – we have an enormous problem facing us and I need your help to resolve it."

* * *

Sheldon walked down into the town proper from the Koothrappali gated community. It was like walking from one century to another in some ways. He cursed his wife, his damned honesty and his inability to emotionally compromise. If he had never bared his soul to Priya about his feelings for Penny none of this would have occurred.

He was desperately in love with his wife. The modifying adverb of his thoughts gave him a moment of doubt. It had all happened so fast but he was absolutely certain of his feelings. He knew he'd been jealous of the old boy friend, Sanjay. He knew he had been incredibly jealous of Leonard and his relationship with Penny.

He walked down the road and except for his skin color and height, looked just like any one of the thousands of people going about their daily business in the pouring rain. Most didn't bother with rain gear or umbrellas. The rain poured on everyone and allowances were always made.

The crowd thickened as he neared the central marketplace and navigating the streets became more difficult. The traffic was incredible and the small tricycle covered cabs flitted among larger vehicles while pedestrians just hugged the sides of Mahatma Gandhi Road.

Sheldon could see his destination ahead, the bar where Rajesh and his friends had thrown the bachelor party for one of his old schoolmates. The booze had been cheap and he'd imbibed just enough to feel on the edge of loss of control and then he'd switched to the Indian version of Coke. In other words, he'd had almost half of one drink.

His intent this time was to exceed his normal limit, eschew the cheap substitute that was Coca-cola (or its Indian duplicate) for the balm of oblivion. He was going to get roaring drunk, but not alone. He needed, what was the term? A wingman.

"Hello, Raj. This is Sheldon Cooper and I'm at or rather about to enter, the bar where we held Kapoor's bachelor party and I intend to get stinking drunk but before casting caution to the wind, I need a reliable fellow to ensure I do not do anything stupid. Again. I think marrying your sister was probably the least advisable thing I've ever done. She is my Mere Humsafar* but thinks I need more in my life. So, will you be my wingman, Rajesh Koothrappali?"

_***Mere humsafar**__ – life partner._

"Sheldon, my brother of a different mother, wait 45 minutes before entering and I shall fly by your side. My sister is in love, Sheldon, and fears losing you…wait…that can't be right…asking you to do the beast with two backs with another…Priya…you kinky she-devil you."

* * *

Sheldon stood outside the bar in the rain, leaning against a shuttered shop and writing formulae in the air on a white board only he could see. Several older women stopped and watched and one muttered 'A witch! He's a bloody witch!' Sheldon heard her, of course. His uncanny Vulcan hearing sorted out the human voice from the cacophony of rain hitting the tin roofs of the shops.

"I assure you, madam, that I am no witch. I am a physicist." He didn't know that the slang term that Raj had taught him for 'Physicist' was 'Sorcerer' but what the hell, Raj had been drunk at the time and pining for Helga or anyone else for that matter.

It was like dropping a cobra among a pack of mongoose. The women began chanting and cursing and several began making signs in the air – cabalistic signs. Sheldon knew that they were cursing him but they had no idea how he'd welcome being – no! He pledged his word and he would stand by it.

"Go away, foul beasts lest I change you into rats or shrews. Yes, shrews seem appropriate!" He made the evil eye sign and then threw them the finger. Since he addressed them in Hindi they were shocked and when he began making motions in the air as if conjuring up some devilment – they beat feet for home, never looking back. The conversation at several dinner tables would definitely be interesting tonight.

* * *

Rajesh had taken a cyclo-cab to the bar and arrived just as the first old biddy made a rude gesture towards Sheldon. He tried not to laugh when Sheldon cursed them and made 'hook 'em horns' signs and then threw them the bird.

Priya answered the phone hoping it was her brother with news of Sheldon. "Priya, your husband was set upon by a pack of old ladies who thought he was a sorcerer but he is safe and we are going to proceed to get highly intoxicated. I will bring him home when we wake up in the morning."

"What! You bring him back here right now. I have spoken to Penny and she will be here tomorrow afternoon. I have purchased her ticket using Shel-jaan's credit card. It is only right that he pay her way considering she is probably going to lose her job. Don't come back without him."

"So it's true? You really are pimping Penny because you think Sheldon loves her and not you? Oh, Priya! Surely you know that Sheldon would never have entered into marriage if he was not totally committed to you and you alone?"

"Listen, Rajesh, bring Sheldon home to me. I need to explain my actions and beg his forgiveness and indulgence."

"I will but only after he has a chance to relax and talk out this problem you have made for yourselves. By the goddess, Priya, you have peed in your proverbial Post Toasties this time. We will see you when we see you. Tell Penny 'hello' for us if we are delayed."

"_Rajesh – _you will bring Sheldon-jaan home to me immediately or I will tell Mummy and Daddy about a certain woman of ill repute in Lon – "

"And I will ask you to explain why another woman is being invited into your marriage bed, sister dear! Who will they consider the bigger embarrassment?"

* * *

They were the only customers in the bar since it was so early. Raj asked Sheldon to explain what the problem was between him and Priya and pretended to know nothing about it other than what he'd already been told by Sheldon.

"Your sister – best damned woman in the world – thinks I cannot live without Penny simply because I told her that I had once loved her. It was a mistake. Telling her the truth was a horrible mistake. Instead of setting me free it has burdened me with guilt. How can she think I don't love her. She thinks – she wants – a damned _triad_…"

Raj tried not to smile. His best friend, now his brother in marriage, was looking at this from the wrong angle entirely and he felt a new love and respect for his sister who wanted only to make her husband happy, no matter what the cost.

Raj wasn't looking at the problem from the right perspective either but he still made his thoughts known.

"My sister is a proud and vain woman, Sheldon. Think back to 'Leonard's Priya' for a baseline and then graph how much she's changed since becoming involved with you in the beginning. She only wants you to be happy. She is willing to share you. Why are you being so damned stupid?"

Mathematics was a useful tool. There was always only on right answer and Sheldon desperately needed one. He would try to logically assess his new situation as a mathematical statement and then explain to Raj how full of shit he was.

Sheldon finished his drink and asked the bartender for another for the both of them and also paper and pencil.

"Sheldon, you cannot express love in an equation. Surely even you understand that some emotions are 'unquantifiable' and must simply be accepted as 'givens'."

"Raj, 'unquatifiable' is not a word. Perhaps you should throttle back your rate of imbibement?"

"_Imbibement? _Now who is inventing words?"

A few drinks and several sheets of paper later and Sheldon thought he was on the cusp of a great enlightenment and told Raj so.

"The only thing you are on the cusp of is inebriation. We need food and a walk out in the fresh air. Pay the man and let us go out amongst the common people and observe as we eat."

"I want to ride an elephant again. That was a magnificent day, Rajesh. I married an elephant and got to ride your sister through the streets."

The image Sheldon spoke of made Raj laugh. _'Priya must hear of this. She will tinkle her thong and then take him to bed. Perhaps…an elephant? Why not? What is the worst thing that could happen?_

* * *

"No, no, no. You must have a mahout and you two honored gentlemen must ride as guests. It is forbidden by law. Besides, all our elephants are involved in weddings today."

The paddock where the elephants were kept was crowded with people putting gaudy harnesses, flower garlands and decoration on the elephants.

"What about that one? He's not adorned for a procession. We'll take that one. How much? How much do you want? My Indian brother is an experienced and world famous elephant driver and besides, what is the worst thing that could happen?"

"That one is an old bull. He's mean and we use him only to breed. That's why he's chained. He's mean and – "

"How much?" Sheldon took a thick stack of Rupees out of his messenger bag and waved them under the man's nose.

The manager eyed the fist full of bills. The owners would never need to know and Shiva only knew how much he needed the money.

"Okay, Sahib, okay." The old bull was cranky and probably wouldn't move a meter away from his hay. There were no females in estrus to distract him and besides, what was the worst thing that could happen?

"Sheldon, this is so not a good idea! Besides, I am the experienced and world renown elephant driver. I should be driving."

"I have considerable knowledge of elephants, Raj. I have spent several hours researching elephants, their habits, training and I feel quite confident that I can handle steering this great magnificent brute. Now, hush. You're giving me a headache."

Sheldon had a stick and tapped the unchained bull on the side to get his attention.

"Ungowa, Teela, Ungowa!" He urged the bull to move saying just what Johnny Weismuller said when portraying Tarzan in the movies, but nothing happened. He was stymied.

"Sheldon, the elephant is an _Indian_ elephant and doesn't speak Klingon. Address the beast in Hindi."

That seemed to work as the elephant took off at a brisk pace across the parking lot, weaving through cars and taxis. He'd been driven nearly mad with the scent of fruit coming from the bazaar on the other side of the car park and he was hungry for something other than hay.

"Wheeeee!" Sheldon was like a little kid again. This was way better than riding in the carriage atop the elephant. This was way better even than a train. He used his legs to steer the elephant across the lot and then out into the park.

He only _thought_ he was steering. His course coincided with the elephant's destination for about 200 yards and then deviated markedly.

"Turn, you stupid elephant. The park is that way!" Sheldon hollered. Raj hung on to Sheldon as the elephant sensed the nearness of food and sped up.

Raj knew that elephants were single-minded and right now this bull's focus was on the sweet fruits and vegetables that were displayed in bins lining the street.

"Good golly, Sheldon, he's going to cross the road and then crash the bazaar. We need to bail! There are 4 lanes of traffic…"


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 21

**"Good golly, Sheldon, he's going to cross the road and then crash the bazaar. We need to bail! There are 4 lanes of traffic…"**

To his credit, Raj didn't bail. He couldn't leave Sheldon alone to face what was certain to be the leading story on the Delhi evening news broadcasts. As drunk as Sheldon was, there was not telling how he would react.

Elephants mate for life and the bull's mate had been sold to another processional company a few years prior but like the saying goes, 'Elephants never forget'.

He smelled _her_, his mate, and he abruptly veered out of the path of a large transit bus and into the stream of on-coming traffic. His heart was pounding and he trumpeted his call to his mate and sped up, somehow careful to avoid the smaller creatures and conveyances that littered his path.

He trumpeted again and then slowed, stopped, and listened. There it was, in the distance but still audible to him, his mate's answering plaintive bugle. To the bull, she sounded wonderful. To the newly weds riding in the houdah behind the mahout she sounded enraged and when she stopped her slow progress towards the temple and raised her trunk and trumpeted her answer to her mate, the situation spiraled into chaos.

Several tons of love-sick elephant cow abruptly departed from the planned route and headed down a narrow alley between buildings, her trunk raised as she trumpeted, 'I'm coming!' while her mahout offered best wishes and many children to the newlyweds and then slid off the elephant and down onto the street.

The narrowness of the alley compressed the sound and the bull elephant took off at a brisk pace towards the sound of his mate's call. By this time employees of the company where Sheldon had 'rented' the elephant had moved to intercept the 'rogue' elephant. The manager had called the cops saying that an elephant had gone mad.

* * *

So, here you have it. A bull elephant rushing to be reunited with his life mate, one of his passengers urging him onwards while the other made irritating noises that sounded like a cockatiel on crack.

A cow, adorned with both wedding harness and several households' laundry that had been on lines between buildings, hustling through the alleyways, trunk raised and bugling to her life mate.

Her passengers were hanging on to each other and the houdah and chanting prayers and promises to any and every god and goddess in the Hindu pantheon of their everlasting devotion if only they would intercede and stop the raging elephant from carrying them to their deaths before they even consummated their marriage.

Sheldon was having the time of his life. He experienced an exhilaration he hadn't felt in such a long time and as his subconscious labored to label it, he began laughing at his brother-in-law who was hyperventilating and making high-pitched squawking sounds that reminded Sheldon of a visit to an aviary he once made with Penny.

The thought of Penny momentarily sucked the life out of his happiness. He was married to Priya who loved him enough to sacrifice her own happiness for him.

'_Drat! I never should have told her about my feelings for Penny. Even though I believe that as an advanced stage of human evolution I deserve two soul mates, society will only permit me one. I have chosen the one. Dear God, I'm growing up!'_

* * *

The bull finally spotted his mate as she emerged from an alley into the street. He trumpeted a greeting and then slowed and finally stopped. Their trunks intertwined and Sheldon could almost feel the sense of completeness the old bull felt. His empathy had never worked for animals before so he knew it was his wishful thinking.

"Raj, I think it's time for us to go back to the pool house. I'm suddenly tired and feel the beginnings of a headache in my prefrontal lobes."

"Sheldon, we can't just leave the elephant here! We have a responsibility to – "

"You're right. Let's take them with us. I'll just get those two lovebirds to alight and then we'll head back. I can't wait to see Priya's face when I ride up to your parents' place. She'll be thrilled!"

They both heard the 'dee-dah dee-dah' of the Indian police and Raj convinced the newlyweds to depart rather than delay their honeymoon with legal issues while Sheldon pulled off the various items of clothing and the clotheslines that adorned the cow.

"Sheldon! _What are you doing_? The police are coming and we must away ourselves – "

"Raj! These clothes must be properly folded! It would be rude to just leave them here in the street."

He was still buzzing along and he saw nothing urgent to sway him from carefully folding the garments and coiling up the clotheslines. Someone had gone to considerable trouble to hand wash these and Sheldon was always conscious of the need for courtesy when in a strange land. Besides, there was something satisfying in hand folding garments and aligning them and –

Raj could hear the police coming and in the distance he saw flashing red and blue lights of police and fire vehicles. "Sheldon! It's the fuzz! We will go to prison for a thousand lifetimes and I will be the victim of Shiva only knows what depravities – "

"Run away! Run away!" Sheldon had always appreciated the humor of Monty Python and their situation reminded him of one of his few favorite movies that wasn't fantasy or science fiction.

Weaving slightly, Sheldon tapped the bull elephant smartly on the trunk and stared into one huge eye. "My friend and I have reunited you with your mate and you are obligated by protocol to repay our kindness."

The elephant blinked and Sheldon swore he saw resignation in his eye.

"We need a ride."

* * *

It was dark out and Sheldon had not yet returned. Priya was pacing throughout the pool house and finally turned on the TV and began watching a news program. The newsreader was laughing and introducing a news item that one of their 'roving reporters' had sent in. Priya listened to the newsreader's voice-over commentary that accompanied a video.

Priya watched as a 'wedding' elephant became agitated about something, raised her trunk and trumpeted and then took off down an alley. Priya started to laugh when the mahout opted to 'take his leave' and slide down the elephant's side leaving the bride and groom hanging on to the houdah and one another.

_'I could see that happening to Sheldon and I. He would have been terrified and so would I!'_

The newsreader went on saying that the authorities were flummoxed by 'an Englishman riding the bull and urging it on through traffic' heading for the outskirts of the city and it's more upscale neighborhoods, followed by the elephant's apparent mate who was being ridden by an Indian gentleman who was not enjoying the ride as much as his English companion.

Priya had not really been paying attention to the images on the screen. Her mind was on her own procession and how thrilled Sheldon had been to ride an elephant and how he wanted to ride like a mahout.

_'Sometimes he's so child-like and at other times he's – WHAT?'_

The videotape caught the profile of the 'Englishman' riding the bull elephant. According to the commentator, 'the Englishman appeared to be an accomplished handler of pachyderms leading the authorities to believe that the entire event was a simple matter of serendipity for the elephants and a mere annoyance for the 'Englishman'.

"Englishman my ass! Sheldon Lee Cooper, what the hell are you doing on an elephant?!" Priya quickly put on a raincoat and went out into the front garden of her parents' home. She had a feeling…

* * *

She didn't have long to wait. Certainly not more than an hour or so. Priya took off her raincoat and the deluge soon soaked her to the skin. Her white nightgown clung to her and it was almost a feeling of delightful decadence that enveloped her. The warm rains and the dark seemed comfortable and she laughed quietly when she imagined the looks on their faces if her colleagues could see the 'Ice Maiden' now.

An elephant's trumpeting accompanied by a man's voice urging 'quiet, you'll wake up the Koothrappali family and spoil my surprise' startled her. Even more startling was her brother's posture – sprawled across the smaller elephant's back and head, snoring softly but contentedly.

She looked out into the rain and saw her heart's desire riding up on the back of an elephant like some maharaja from ancient times. He looked so happy and at peace with himself.

_'I'll buy him that damned elephant if only to see that look on his face when we return to visit. And perhaps its mate also since my brother seems so comfy sleeping on it.'_

She knew the exact second Sheldon saw her because his eyebrows rose up and his grin faltered but then turned into a delighted smile when she greeted him.

"Namaste, Sheldon-jaan." Her eyes bored into his and she felt her skin warm and then turn hot as his eyes swept over her.

"Namaste, Priya-jaanam. Come, my love, ride with me and we'll talk. I have decided that if a triad is what you desire, then you shall have it. I just – I'm uncomfortable with the whole 'hippie' nature of such a relationship, Priya, but I will try to make it work."

She expected anything but that. Sheldon reached down to grab her arm and pull her up but the elephant had other ideas. It wrapped its trunk around her waist and brought her up so that Sheldon could take her hand.

It was warm for the season and Priya felt the heat of his chest against her back when she leaned back into his embrace. His arms were wrapped around her and whatever she was intending to say or do went flying when he whispered, "Have you ever made love on an elephant?"

* * *

**Next**: Penelope appears.


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: Ah…the moment of confrontation between the formerly strait-laced Sheldon Cooper PhD and the girl from across the hall, the blonde he'd loved in vain for 5 years only to lose her repeatedly to his philandering over-sexed, myopic and parasitic best friend and hobbitish roommate, now accused of attempted sexual battery on said blonde.

Sparks or flames?

* * *

Chapter 22

New Delhi Airport

Penny's flight was late due to weather. The afternoon flights were notorious for being late this time of year. Everyone knew it but Priya had slipped out of the pool house while Sheldon took a much-needed nap and drove to the airport. She was nervous. She felt like she was going to throw up any second.

She handed her car keys to the valet and watched as her beloved old Morris Minor flowed into traffic and out of her care. She'd had the car since graduating with honors from the Lyceum in Switzerland and somehow the young Indian man who took her keys hardly seemed to appreciate Kali's importance in her life.

She'd named the car after the Hindu goddess of Destruction and Rebirth since she drove as if destruction was her goal and each time she arrived alive, it seemed like a rebirth. She hadn't always been a lawyer or a prim and proper young woman. She'd had her wild-child moments and most of them had been while behind the wheel of her precious car.

* * *

Air India Flight 4400  
London – Delhi

Penny fidgeted with her drink, tying the swizzle straw into knots and then untying them and doing it again and again.

"There's nothing to be nervous about, Miss," said the beautiful and exotic-looking Indian flight attendant who had hovered over her First Coach charges like someone who expected a tip. "All is as it should be and we will be landing shortly in Delhi. Is someone meeting you at the airport? If not, avoid the pedi-cabs at all costs. Those ruffians will steal you blind whilst you loiter on the kerb to pay them off. Thieves they are."

"Someone is meeting me, I hope. No, I'm sure she'll be there. She has as much vested in this trip as I do." Actually, that wasn't true. She had Sheldon while Penny had nothing at all anymore.

"Well, enjoy your stay in our capitol. There are many sights to see and things to do and a young woman should have no problems finding someone to show her around."

"No, that's the last thing I have on my mind. I'm meeting the wife of a man I lost to her because I was too quick to settle for something less. It's complicated but hopefully we'll be able to salvage something for the future. I pray we do. I'll be lost without…without their friendship. Like I said – complicated."

* * *

Penny cleared Customs and Passport Control and then headed for the Baggage Claim area. They'd agreed to meet there and Penny's stomach was in knots and she felt like she was about to audition for the role of her life, all butterflies and sweaty palms.

As she stood near the carousel, she watched a TV news show and saw the 'elephant episode' as the announcer called it. If was funny and the locals really got a kick out of the 'bloody Englishman' and his elephant.

"That's our man riding the elephant, Penny. And my drunken sot of a brother is hanging on behind him. He's nursing a hangover and is asleep at the pool house. Rajesh is draped over the settee on the verandah."

Penny whirled around and Priya embraced her and kissed her cheek and whispered, "Last night was wonderful and I hope you've come prepared to experience many changes in our lives. He agreed to a triad although he still refers to it as 'the hippie lifestyle'."

"Did you nag him into it or is it by his own free will?" That was important to Penny, almost as much as his decision was.

"Well, our man has decided that, as 'Homo Novus' and an advancement in human evolution, that he is 'entitled' to have more than one soul mate in this lifetime. If it is a rationalization, the so be it. I don't care so long as we are all happy. You are happy, aren't you, Penny? This _is_ the outcome we both hoped for, right?"

"I think I'm just scared to death that he won't…I mean…he has you and I don't want to be the third wheel. I guess I'll have to see just how things work out for us."

"Okay. I can understand that. You should know that if my parents are inquisitive, that you and Rajesh are in a relationship. It is nothing more than protective coloration, Penny, and Rajesh is in full agreement and will work with us until we return to the US."

* * *

Penny thought that Priya's Morris Minor was 'cute' but clutched the 'chicken bar' when she started 'driving'. "Priya, I know it's the right side of the road over here but you don't seem to have much regard for traffic laws."

"I don't have to be the stuffed-shirt lawyer behind the wheel, Penny. This is the real me just as it was the real me when you and I…"

"Yeah, about that…have you told Sheldon about our sleeping together? If he thinks a 'triad' is a hippie lifestyle, then what – "

"Yes. He and I have no secrets. He was very understanding and supportive. The only thing he asked was that if it got 'serious' between you and I that he be informed in advance of any formal declaration so that he could make suitable arrangements to reside elsewhere."

"Prude. He wouldn't need another apartment if we just wanted a little alone time together, would he? Seems like 'overkill' but then that's my boy."

"He meant if we fell in love with one another and wished to end the triad and become an exclusive couple. He thinks ahead. Way further than you or I might."

"Yeah. A forward-thinker but he ignores the 'now' so often. Are you sure he's amenable to this?" She'd been working on her vocabulary and some phrases in the script required her to use Sheldon's online dictionary he'd downloaded on her laptop.

Priya smiled broadly and then laughed while making Penny gasp and clutch at the doorframe as Priya dodged two cyclo-cabs and a rather large lorry that had the nerve to occupy the space she wanted.

"Yes, although I believe the two of us should simply drag him to the bedroom, strip off his clothes and then ravish him. I doubt he will have any reservations. And then you and I can further enflame his lustfulness with some fooling around whilst he watches. Yes, a most delightful plan."

"You didn't drive like this in America, Priya. What's gotten into you?" She was hanging on as Priya made another abrupt lane change.

"I didn't have Kali with me in the US, Penny, just that leased monstrosity. Here behind the wheel of my Kali I have freedom, real freedom."

Penny leaned back and decided '_what the hell, what's the worst thing that can happen?_'

* * *

Koothrappali Pool House

Sheldon woke up and was pleased to find that the headache he anticipated had failed to appear. He went to the bathroom and then showered and felt a sense of unease. Where was Priya?

He pulled on comfortable Indian drawstring trousers and a loose pull-over shirt and ambled out into the area they'd designated as the 'common room' and laughed when he saw his wingman sprawled out over the settee, glaring at him. It was obvious that he'd just awakened.

"Never again, Sheldon. Never again will I be your wingman on a drunken night of revelry. Do you remember anything at all? If you did you would not be wearing that silly grin."

"I remember being cursed by witches, folding someone's laundry – oh, my, and it wasn't even Saturday. And I do remember you – riding an elephant in a wedding procession? Did we crash a wedding? No wonder Priya is absent. She's probably dealing with all kinds of lawsuits after we ruined someone's wedding!"

Raj decided to end Sheldon's misery by telling him the truth.

"Come, Sheldon. I have something, actually _two _somethings to show you." He led Sheldon out into the courtyard and then out a wrought iron gate to the rear of the Koothrappali's sprawling home.

"We came home via elephant. You took Priya on a moonlight ride through the rains and did Kali only knows what to her because she came back wearing only a rain-soaked nightgown and that silly smile you always put on her face."

There were two elephants calmly stuffing their faces with delicious bits they found in Mrs. Koothrappali's prize-winning flower garden. The larger of the two spotted Sheldon and raised its trunk and softly trumpeted a greeting and then went back to munching.

"I am so fucked." Sheldon rarely swore and Raj figured he was seeing a little bit of Sheldon that rarely appeared. He'd never seen Sheldon looking so still and with a silly looking grin on his face like a kid at the circus.

"My mother has been seeking a reason to replant so do not be concerned. She is getting free fertilizer out of the deal also. It is a win-win situation, my brother-in-marriage." Raj was putting on his best imitation of an Indian gentleman dealing with a foreigner. His voice sing-songed stilted English and he kept referring to Sheldon as 'Sheldon sahib'.

It started to lightly rain but Sheldon took no notice. He was remembering the previous evening, in its entirety. All of it.

"Where is Priya-jaanam, Raj?" He stared at the two elephants and still wore his silly-assed grin.

"Right behind you, Shel-jaan, and I've brought a visitor so please do not do anything to further embarrass yourself." Priya was teasing him. She gestured to Penny who was staring at the elephants imagining Sheldon 'I hate germs' Cooper actually riding on such a beast without first sterilizing its hide.

Sheldon felt arms snake around him from behind and wrap themselves around his waist. He smiled when he heard, "I love you too, Moon Pie. We both do."

He sighed and said, "Penny" so softly that only she could hear it.


End file.
